Rescue my Soul (Senryu)

Just some thoughts

God, can you hear me?

It’s Aaron… I need your help.

Please rescue my soul.

 

Author's Note

Please review... appreciate it :)

Reviews

[Pixieblue]

I hear this, when i close my eyes and listen i can hear a small and scared and feeble voice, tattered and worn just pleading, almost begging for some mercy.
It makes your heart sink.
It also reminds me of a child, unaware and untainted having their first lesson in life but that somehow is a darker picture than the first.

[AaronFreitas]

I mentioned in a comment this write took me back to my childhood... laying in bed praying and getting a whooping. Thanks for your review Pixieblue :)

[JayceeC]

I think he already has Aaron, it was done in the asking. I really, really like this. This is more of an English style senryu than traditional. It has extra pauses and such, but it is beautiful in its simplicity.
Jan

[AaronFreitas]

I am still learning about this style... I've learned more on here from amazing writers and friends like you than anywhere else :) Appreciate your review Jan :)

[JayceeC]

there is a section in the "Courses" that has more about haiku and senryu..very good information on them if you want to know more.

[AaronFreitas]

Yes I will definitely check it out :) Hey didn't you have a write that you said you wanted to turn it into a kids book or something? I was looking for it to show my daughter.

[JayceeC]

Yes it's here The Kid Named Not ME!
I'll move another one or two here and send you read requests!

[AaronFreitas]

Sweet... my oldest daughter is 10 she just wrote a story so I wanted to show her yours :)

[B]

Can you add my name there lol ...

[AaronFreitas]

Lol thats the beauty.... take my name and add yours and it's as personal as it gets :) Thanks for your comment :)

[B]

You write alot of beautiful pieces ....

[AaronFreitas]

Aww thanks... so do you :)

[...]

God is inside of you, Aaron. The "I" in I am :) quite sure you were heard

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Lynn... I am sure He heard as well... He always does :) Appreciate your review my friend

[613]

This is beautiful. (:

- Brittney

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Brittney... with my poems I try to find the perfect font that fits the emotion... the one I picked wouldn't load onto the cafe but this one was close. Appreciate your kind words :)

[613]

It fits well. Nice work!

[Perkele.7885]

I like that you are asking God publicly for His help.
This shows the strength of your relationship with Him that you can be anywhere and feel comfortable enough to speak speak with Him.
That your Church is anywhere that you need it to be!

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Perkele really wanted my faith to shine through... it's not a secret. I like that "your church is anywhere that you need it to be..." you said it right my friend. Thank you for your review :)

[Kurai.Merodi]

short, simple, effective. I think them words say it all. You show your beliefs in only 3 lines and 15 words which some times is very hard to do.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you ANONYMOUS appreciate your kind words and review my friend :)

[fattycbreezy52]

the fact that you believe that God is there is the biggest:)

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much my friend... yes that part is in there loud and clear :)

[Rana]

A very cute little piece of senryu, Aaron, it conveys the emotions beautifully! There's uncertainity, reliance, and faith all depicted.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Rana.... I tried to get the emotions across and hopefully I did that well in this piece :) Appreciate the review

[R Smith]

Interesting cry for help Aaron, I think you may be reflecting many people these days, certainly me :)

[AaronFreitas]

I was hoping many could relate to this piece... short and simple but a lot of meaning behind those words. Appreciate the review Richard!

[John Alexander McFadyen]

A senyru I might have written once or twice myself Aaron. Love the way it flows as an informal conversation and yet fits the form. Hope tis but poetry though?

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much John... appreciate the review buddy... it still feels like it's my style when I write just in a different format.. want to stay true to who I am :)