Rescue my Soul (Senryu)

Just some thoughts

God, can you hear me?

It’s Aaron… I need your help.

Please rescue my soul.

 

Author's Note

Please review... appreciate it :)

Reviews

[Pixieblue]

I hear this, when i close my eyes and listen i can hear a small and scared and feeble voice, tattered and worn just pleading, almost begging for some mercy.
It makes your heart sink.
It also reminds me of a child, unaware and untainted having their first lesson in life but that somehow is a darker picture than the first.

[AaronFreitas]

I mentioned in a comment this write took me back to my childhood... laying in bed praying and getting a whooping. Thanks for your review Pixieblue :)

[gabrielle]

"Ask and you shall receive
seek and you shall find..." I do like the use of direct and unpretentious words in here. There is always beauty in simplicity.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Gabrielle :) Appreciate you reviewing my work :)

[xbxbzdvdsv]

I like this. He will speak to you, eventually. Patience.

[AaronFreitas]

Patience is my middle name lol... thanks my friend :)

[xbxbzdvdsv]

Yes, Anytime :D

[Emily]

It sounds so natural, it's hard to believe it's a senryu! Not to rag on senryus, but sometimes going by syllables can leave a work feeling choppy. Nice work!

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you sooo much Emily! I appreciate that compliment very much. It took a lot of thinking but I was happy with how it came out. I never know if it will be liked or not but if I like it I go with it :) I'm glad you liked it :)

[Pushkar Prabhat]

WoW!!!
i have been trying to get an appointment.........do drop my name if you hear back........
loved it!!!
:)

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Pushkar! I appreciate it... if I get an answer I'll tell Him swing your way also! lol thanks buddy!

[Pushkar Prabhat]

hehe..........you are welcome!!! :) :)

[alf]

Hi Aaron. Wow!! you written a beautifully moving senryu that is filled with emotion and touches the reader exactly as it should . . deep in the heart!!! Love this, love the soulful plea for help, your word choice couldn't be improved!!! Great write . . . no, better than that. . . a brilliant write, my friend!!! full of passion and angst!! alf

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much alf.... definitely appreciate your review and kind words buddy :)

[andrew mitchell]

YES Aaron my Son. You called me. I hope it is important this time!!:)

[AaronFreitas]

Haha good one.... :)

[~]

This reads like a sincere and desperate plea. Keep your ears open for the reply :D

[AaronFreitas]

Will do my friend :) Appreciate your review... it's another beautiful day in Cali btw :)

[Isobel Moon]

holy s**t, that was insane. It is such a short poem with so much meaning

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Isobel... I think I was reading your poem the same time you were reading mine :)

[sereenaoutloud]

Awesome Aaron and i think the first senryu that i have read that is posed as a question! very creative and powerful too!
It tugs at my heartstrings a little so sending ya a hug my friend!
But great write :))

[AaronFreitas]

Awww thanks I appreciate it... I like to do things different... like to write and get out what I need to even in a new format... glad you liked it that means a lot to me :)

[Kelly Scheppers]

I believe he has you covered, Aaron!

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Kelly... appreciate the review my friend :)