Rescue my Soul (Senryu)

Just some thoughts

God, can you hear me?

It’s Aaron… I need your help.

Please rescue my soul.

 

Author's Note

Please review... appreciate it :)

Reviews

[Pixieblue]

I hear this, when i close my eyes and listen i can hear a small and scared and feeble voice, tattered and worn just pleading, almost begging for some mercy.
It makes your heart sink.
It also reminds me of a child, unaware and untainted having their first lesson in life but that somehow is a darker picture than the first.

[AaronFreitas]

I mentioned in a comment this write took me back to my childhood... laying in bed praying and getting a whooping. Thanks for your review Pixieblue :)

[zunie frost]

really good !!!!!.... 90 points

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Zunie :)

[zunie frost]

welcome !!!

[Jane Taylor Hardy]

Wow....you have just struck a chord with every living person! A fine pen writes like this.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Jane :)

[Michele Harman]

We all fee this way sometime.

[AaronFreitas]

Yes we do my friend :) Thanks for your review :)

[Leena Madhuri]

Well done again!!! i like this very much!!!

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you this was my second attempt at a Senryu... not as easy to do I found :)

[silent poet]

Rescue mine too!! Simple yet simply captivating. You have a rare window Aaron. And I love that! :)

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much :)

[silent poet]

You're welcome Aaron :)

[Roland Petrov]

The answer to your question is probably "No, He can't." But you can. A plaintive human cry, but enlightenment is available. Regardless of philosophy, or how one views the universe, this is a nice poem. A touch sad, maybe, but nice.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Roland... I like your take on it... sparks some thought in this mind :) Appreciate it buddy!

[ANTO]

A beautiful simple plea in an intricate format - the whole package - I think ancient senryu masters would approve of this spiritual write my friend.
Superb

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much ANTO... if I remember right this was my second one... and so far I've only done 2 but it took a lot of thinking for me to write a Senryu I liked and was willing to share. Glad you enjoyed it :)

[modtoddinc]

A deep senryu pertaining to the duality of faith and doubt. Nicely done.

~peace, Todd

[AaronFreitas]

Thanks buddy... thanks for the review :)

[Emily]

Such short poem, but it's so powerful!
Keep it up!

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Emily :)

[Ashley Flynn]

have you considered writing multiple senryu together to form a larger piece?

[AaronFreitas]

No I haven't really... I may look into it now :) Thanks

[Ashley Flynn]

Anytime :)