The Evil Inside

Don't know what evil is consuming my thoughts lately

 

I feel it coming again…
Disconnecting from the world.
Crawling into my dark hole,
Pushing everyone away.
I want to be loved, yet…
Want to be alone.
Alone to sulk in my own depression…
To search for clarity in purpose.
My loneliness gets lonelier...
My sadness gets darker,
And evil takes control
Of this ill fated mind.
Why can't I pull away? 
Why can't I stay strong?
When I push these demons away 
They fight to come back!
Come back for control
To overtake my mind.
Corrupt my soul and 
Leave me hurting.
Leave me gasping for faith;
I'm searching for strength.
Desperate for my faith but
Right now the devil is on the move.
Pushing, consuming, trying
To overtake me.
Pushing my triggers…
Finding my deepest scars.
Reminding me that he
Is always here on earth with me.
Slowly digging into me.
My weakness is my emptiness.
My strength is a distant memory.
Find me... I'm lost and alone.

 

Author's Note

Let me know your thoughts

Reviews

[Rodger Tunif]

There is no one to find you. It is you who must find yourself. And when you do, you might discover there is no one there. Then, you will either despair or you will survive to MAKE yourself. One must not find themself, one must create themself. There is no devil to oppress you, there is only you. You are the devil and you are the angel. These forces of good and evil compose your being. To wrestle with the devil is to refrain your own hand. Understand and embrace yourself for everything that you are; good and evil, right and wrong. Embrace who you are. This is hope. This is faith. To hope in yourself. To have faith and believe in yourself both as you are and as you can become. Why do you cry aloud for someone else who cannot help you? YOU can help you. You define you, you are you, you control you. Don't wait to be found. Build something for us to discover.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Mr. Firtch... appreciate the words... the review... your comments. Thank you! :)

[Calamityofgin]

So which should he do French..embrace himself as he is or create himself..totally confused by this.

[Ana B.]

A raw and emotional one....yes the devil never goes far, but we also were born with an angel to keep an eye over us :) Gorgeous writing my friend.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Ana... I have a great guardian angel... fights the demons off and keeps me safe :) Appreciate your review :)

[R Smith]

wow! Aaron some dark and depressing things going on here, i'm hoping you took this from imagination, no one should have to endure this kind of pain, you gotta fight to rise up back into the light, what can i say? don't give up hope, actually i'm writing here and seeing Mr. Fitch below, sounds like he's offering the best advice, take that for sure and use this darkness to create poetry because that's the one way to rise above negativity, see the light and dispel the darkness :)

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Richard :) I have received some good advice on here... lots of great people... lots of great friends on here. Appreciate the review my friend

[Yanina McKnight]

I have to say this piece is very descriptive, the reader is able to see the confusion and discomfort of "The Evil Inside." I like the detail and emotion you put into your writing.

"They fight to come back!" The darkness and distress will attempt to return, but while reading this poem I feel your strength and courage to keep pushing forward. There will always be dark days , but better days are soon to come. Don't give up my friend. Triggers fight to keep you down, but your beliefs and spirit will always bring you back up. Stay strong!

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Yanina... your words mean a lot to me! I keep fighting... these dark patches pop up... makes for good writing but it sucks living it for a while. Appreciate your comments :)

[Yanina McKnight]

You're very welcome :)
That's why I love writing, I can get my emotions out; but I understand living with something like this can be hard, but never give up on your strength.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Yanina :)

[W R Stowe]

Greater is He that is within me than he that is in the world.Start volunteering to visit bed bound patients do work at the church or just help clean trash from around your neighborhood you will discover you're to busy to be depressed

Bill

[AaronFreitas]

Gotcha my friend... thanks for the advice. Appreciate your support Bill :)

[W R Stowe]

your welcome Aaron

[JayceeC]

Aaron,
Depression is a hard thing to shake and you have had a lot of grief to overcome. It is a spiraling cycle my friend, but it will ebb and flow like the ocean if you let it. Right now you are in the stormy day at the coast with high tides, winds swirling and waves crashing around you. But storms only last so long. There is a natural cycle to it all. The sun will come out again, and the winds will turn gentle and the waves playful.
Until it does, go indoors and watch it from afar. You can choose how to deal with your mood if not the mood itself. Sometimes i have to look for the good...at least one little thing, or I turn on Air1 radio. if you have never listened try it. When Hannah moved to Tulsa for college and became depressed, it really helped her to connect back with her faith. It's a small thing but it helps. Let me know and I'll hook you into my Google Play list and you can listen there too.
As soon as this bout is over, and it will be. You need to make a list of things that make you smile..Things that bring you a sense of peace and joy, that you can look at during the rough times. You've already found one way of sending your own SOS message in your writing, so you know from this and the other 19 people before me that it helps you or we would not be reading it. One day at a time Aaron, and I know you'll be fine and find all of those things you long for.
One small typo here "Of this I'll fated mind." ill-fated

[AaronFreitas]

Thanks for the correction... stupid auto correct and I didn't catch it. I appreciate your kind words... I am working on everything and just gotta get back on track :) I have a lot of good songs that help so just gotta get back into a little routine :)

[Real Inspiration]

This...Oh My god...
This touched me incredibly. I relate to this so much. I honestly am thankful you wrote this!
You have a lot of high potential in writing, good job! Keep up the good work :)

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much.. appreciate your kind words and I am glad you can relate to this piece :)

[Real Inspiration]

c: I relate to many of your writings. What I love most about the way you write is the touching feeling it gives me, the words take my breath away and send chills down my spine. I've always loved reading and writing, but the way you write makes me realize how I wouldn't be able to live without it!

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you I really appreciate that... most my writes are real and not made up feelings and emotions. I've been in kind of a dark place lately... Sometimes things are great sometimes I fall into that dark funk that is hard to get out of. It always makes for good writes and I am trying to get better at showing exactly the emotion I am feeling. Glad you enjoy it :)

[Real Inspiration]

"When in that dark place, surround yourself with those who provide you light."-Ellie Kindle
:)

[AaronFreitas]

Will do my friend :)

[Zac]

This is a very great and emotional poem.
Keep writing.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Zac... emotional seems to be what I do best :)

[Brielle Cartny]

Well....wow I may have to call you a genius because this is what I have been going through a lot lately . It is so sweet to sulk in our own misery yet poison to us. We can see our demons and what is taking us down but we are unable to get away to fix it. In my life I can see what I need to do,but I feel as if the wants are pulling me down. Keep fighting my friend!!

[AaronFreitas]

You know I have been fighting it... felt it coming and still sit and try to figure out what is going on. I get into a funk and start shutting down... talking less to people.. cutting people out of my life Not sure why still but maybe it's for the best. Thanks for your review I am glad you can relate to it :)

[Brielle Cartny]

I believe you are strong enough to get through it :]

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Brielle... I appreciate that :)

[Ilerah]

Great job here Aaron, really well written. I enjoyed reading it.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Ilerah... appreciate your comments :)

[dan]

Aaron, There are many of us who are in a constant wrestling match with the darkness inside us, wishing upon wish that the light can be reached in time, that something can pull us out of this chasm in which we find ourselves. The truth, however, is that we have the means within ourselves to pull ourselves up; whether that is done by determination, with the assistance of counseling or medication...we have to keep reaching upward, forcing ourselves to maintain SOME level of control over such feelings. There are answers out there, it's imperative that one does not rest until one has exhausted all options...then look for help, for other options, for the will to keep hoping. take care...dan

[AaronFreitas]

I appreciate the comments and review Dan... I am working on me... trying my best. Been doing really good just hit one of those dark patches... not sure why but I push everyone away and rest alone. It makes for good writing but it does suck. Once I figure out why I'll be fine... writing does help :) Thanks buddy!