The Evil Inside

Don't know what evil is consuming my thoughts lately

 

I feel it coming again…
Disconnecting from the world.
Crawling into my dark hole,
Pushing everyone away.
I want to be loved, yet…
Want to be alone.
Alone to sulk in my own depression…
To search for clarity in purpose.
My loneliness gets lonelier...
My sadness gets darker,
And evil takes control
Of this ill fated mind.
Why can't I pull away? 
Why can't I stay strong?
When I push these demons away 
They fight to come back!
Come back for control
To overtake my mind.
Corrupt my soul and 
Leave me hurting.
Leave me gasping for faith;
I'm searching for strength.
Desperate for my faith but
Right now the devil is on the move.
Pushing, consuming, trying
To overtake me.
Pushing my triggers…
Finding my deepest scars.
Reminding me that he
Is always here on earth with me.
Slowly digging into me.
My weakness is my emptiness.
My strength is a distant memory.
Find me... I'm lost and alone.

 

Author's Note

Let me know your thoughts

Reviews

[Rodger Tunif]

There is no one to find you. It is you who must find yourself. And when you do, you might discover there is no one there. Then, you will either despair or you will survive to MAKE yourself. One must not find themself, one must create themself. There is no devil to oppress you, there is only you. You are the devil and you are the angel. These forces of good and evil compose your being. To wrestle with the devil is to refrain your own hand. Understand and embrace yourself for everything that you are; good and evil, right and wrong. Embrace who you are. This is hope. This is faith. To hope in yourself. To have faith and believe in yourself both as you are and as you can become. Why do you cry aloud for someone else who cannot help you? YOU can help you. You define you, you are you, you control you. Don't wait to be found. Build something for us to discover.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Mr. Firtch... appreciate the words... the review... your comments. Thank you! :)

[Calamityofgin]

So which should he do French..embrace himself as he is or create himself..totally confused by this.

[♥ Ari Skye ♥]

I completely understand the darkness that overtakes us, sometimes. In fact, I battle it each and every day. However, I have found it is extremely helpful to find one person, you really open up to. They can help you forget the demons and see the goodness inside. But that's just it, they help you. The bulk of the work must be done one your own and I had to learn that the hard way..

Great piece though. You do a great job of conveying the emotions through your work!

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Nikki... instead of one person I open up to this entire community :) I just get it out... I think it definitely helps. It was as if once I wrote and got this out I felt much better. Thanks for your review my friend I definitely appreciate it and missed seeing you on here :)

[♥ Ari Skye ♥]

You have my number.. You know where to find me ;)

[ANTO]

We will always have uninvited and unwelcome thoughts but we don't have to let them take over us. When such a thought or image intrudes then accept that it is just a thought - don't feed it like a troll by dwelling on it. Say to yourself - I had an unwelcome thought and now its gone - dont feel guilty about having it - it doesnt mean anything unless you take action based on it.
But apart from that - I admire the way you can purge like this Aaron and your writing goes from strength to strength.

[AaronFreitas]

Very true ANTO... those thoughts come... they troll and you push them away. It helps when I write and get it out... kind of helps me move on rather than keep it bottled up. I read a quote last night that says "nothing haunts us like the things we don't say." It is true... thanks buddy I appreciate your review and comments :)

[andrew mitchell]

Yep an angel on one shoulder but the devil on the other has a loudspeaker, Great write Aaron

[AaronFreitas]

Yeah... my angel is kicking butt getting rid of that devil... at least momentarily :) Appreciate the review Andrew... thanks for your support :)

[sereenaoutloud]

Oh this viscous cycle like a constant tug of war within ourselves! You really feel the pain and the battle in this write.

[AaronFreitas]

Thanks Serena... it was a little rough patch.. always makes for good dark writes :) I am good though.... Appreciate you reviewing... you already know it means a lot to me but I want to make sure you don't forget that :)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Wow! Very, very deep. This sounds like the protagonist is in a spiral of depression and guilt. In such a state a person looks to reaffirm their construct of themselves as unworthy. They also feel anger at the world, therefore they become hostile and push the world away by their behaviour. When they do so they feel more guilt and so the cycle continues. Well expressed.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much John. You pretty much hit the nail on the head! Thanks for your review buddy :)

[Shawna]

Beautiful and tragic. This poem cuts to the heart and reflects the truest battle we have within ourselves. Very lovely Aaron, I loved it.

[AaronFreitas]

I appreciate your review Shawna... I am glad you loved it... that's the purpose is to reach people that will enjoy it :) Thank you!

[SammMG]

Very sad and dark. You can feel the pain and loneliness as you read on.... quite an amazing ability you have to be able to clearly set that up and capture readers with it.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Samm... appreciate your review and comments :)

[Willard Wells]

Well my thoughts are that it is great. Of course a big part of that being the words you wrote and what you said is very dear and close to my heart. The difference is I feel my dark time usually is in a controlled state and I can linger in the darkness to write and when read I pull back from it to become closer to my norm. Great work and I really like and I am very glad I read more of your work. Thanks again for sharing.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Willard... I seem to be able to go there and back also... it makes for good writes in that dark moment. I appreciate the review buddy... much appreciated!

[alf]

Hi Aaron. Love it!!! I love the way you opened the poem, built momentum all the way through, shared those insecurities, brought the reader to canter along side you as you pushed out that emotion and in the last three lines, brought the reader back to a standstill, with that plea for finding peace within yourself. A remarkable write, my friend!!!! and I lUUUUUUved it, alf

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you alf... that means a lot to hear you loved it! Makes writing in this style worth it when it's appreciated :) Thank you my friend... appreciate your review very much!

[alf]

Keep on, my fried, keeping on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[J.A. Marquez]

This is some dark and deep work. My soul bleeds these words so often. The incredible weight of depression is life shattering. I've been to that place - when it is all so helpless and the light begins to fade. It can shake you to your core. You're very skilled at allowing the words to simply flow. It says a lot more than a nit-picked and perfectly polished rambling of big words. It is real.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you J.A. that means a lot. The thoughts flowed straight out of my mind... didn't play much with it so that it keeps that raw emotion. Appreciate the review my friend :)