The Evil Inside

Don't know what evil is consuming my thoughts lately

 

I feel it coming again…
Disconnecting from the world.
Crawling into my dark hole,
Pushing everyone away.
I want to be loved, yet…
Want to be alone.
Alone to sulk in my own depression…
To search for clarity in purpose.
My loneliness gets lonelier...
My sadness gets darker,
And evil takes control
Of this ill fated mind.
Why can't I pull away? 
Why can't I stay strong?
When I push these demons away 
They fight to come back!
Come back for control
To overtake my mind.
Corrupt my soul and 
Leave me hurting.
Leave me gasping for faith;
I'm searching for strength.
Desperate for my faith but
Right now the devil is on the move.
Pushing, consuming, trying
To overtake me.
Pushing my triggers…
Finding my deepest scars.
Reminding me that he
Is always here on earth with me.
Slowly digging into me.
My weakness is my emptiness.
My strength is a distant memory.
Find me... I'm lost and alone.

 

Author's Note

Let me know your thoughts

Reviews

[Rodger Tunif]

There is no one to find you. It is you who must find yourself. And when you do, you might discover there is no one there. Then, you will either despair or you will survive to MAKE yourself. One must not find themself, one must create themself. There is no devil to oppress you, there is only you. You are the devil and you are the angel. These forces of good and evil compose your being. To wrestle with the devil is to refrain your own hand. Understand and embrace yourself for everything that you are; good and evil, right and wrong. Embrace who you are. This is hope. This is faith. To hope in yourself. To have faith and believe in yourself both as you are and as you can become. Why do you cry aloud for someone else who cannot help you? YOU can help you. You define you, you are you, you control you. Don't wait to be found. Build something for us to discover.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Mr. Firtch... appreciate the words... the review... your comments. Thank you! :)

[Calamityofgin]

So which should he do French..embrace himself as he is or create himself..totally confused by this.

[Saddam]

I want to be loved, yet…
Want to be alone.

An relative and yet not relative too.
I can understand this.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Saddam! I appreciate the review... yes those lines seem to be the ones that stick out the most :)

[Saddam]

Yeah... good write beloved poet. Yo're most welcome.

[Daisygirl]

I can totally relate to this.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you I am glad you can relate to it... sometimes the darkness just overtakes everything and there is nothing we can really do. Appreciate your comment :)

[Nadia Gerassimenko]

I have been there. Many times before. Every time you think you found yourself, you become more lost than before. It takes so many times of getting lost, to be able to be found. Was a very vulnerable write. Thank you for sharing and be strong!

[AaronFreitas]

I will definitely be strong Nadia :) Your words sooth me... it's good to have you back... I appreciate you and your reviews :)

[Melinda McQueen]

...But the Lord is your strength. He is a thousand times stronger than the devil. One day his Kingdom is going to crumble and God's will flourish.

I'm here if you need someone to talk to.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Melinda... had a little rough patch plus my writings tend to come out darker... much better now :) Appreciate your review... you are right He is a thousand times stronger than the devil.

[KaoticOrder]

"I want to be loved, yet to be alone." - That's a really good line, I and i'm sure many others can relate to.
This poem is really honest, heartfelt, and real. Very expressive. Great job on this.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you KaoticOrder... when writing I just kind of let everything flow out and those lines are ones that really stood out when I was done. It's hard to explain yet I understand the feeling. Thanks for your review I appreciate it very much :)

[KaoticOrder]

Yes, its one of those feelings that show us how our mind contradicts its self. Like wanting someone to be out of our lives, but not wanting to be without them. Wanting to die and live at the same time. Wanting to be happy but not feeling like we deserve to be. It's kind of like our mind battles with its self at times. Thats what this poem reminded me of, an inner battle

[AaronFreitas]

It definitely is that inner battle... glad you can dig into it and feel that passion in these words. It's like you crawled into my mind for a little while :)

[KaoticOrder]

Well, I'm what some would cal an Empath. I can sense and feel a person's soul, be it through verbal, physical, or text. It's kind of a gift and a curse at the same time. hah.
Be strong in your inner battle.

[Haley Wilson]

This is easy for me to relate to, as many of my writings are dark just like this! Haha. I do look forward to reading your stuff though, it always entices me and makes me crave more.

[AaronFreitas]

Haha... I try to feed your cravings :) Dark seems to be what always comes out of me... but I don't mind it. Glad you enjoyed it and thanks for always stopping by to comment and review... I appreciate it very much :) Don't forget send me read requests anything you want :)

[Emily]

Your poems have a real quality to them. I love reading them!

[AaronFreitas]

Awww thanks Emily! I appreciate you always reviewing and leaving a comment... you made my night :)

[Tom McRoberts]

Great piece. It really captures the feelings of depression, guilt, and a lack of will-power. I particularly enjoyed (well, not 'enjoyed') the lines:
'I want to be loved, yet...
Want to be alone'
Internal contradictions like this always seem to me the most authentic way to represent angst, they speak volumes of the struggle with the self--a theme that runs throughout this poem--in only a few words.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Tom... internal contradictions are hard to figure out.. the lines you mentioned... that's one I continue to battle. Want to be loved... then when someone starts to get close I start to push away. It's difficult to figure out. Appreciate your review buddy! :)

[...]

Aaron I really like your thoughts. Not because they are tragic or dark, but because they are raw and real. And...the thing is, you're still here, writing and sharing...reaching. You are a very strong and giving man and a great poet. Your words are touching. They touch me and it seems many others :)

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Lynn... I am still here writing.. sharing and the reviews, comments and kind words help me out through these things. I appreciate you taking the time to look at it and leave a review... thank you! :)

[Bushra Naqshbandi]

A great poem about the battle raging continuously between good and evil inside every human. You've done a great job on this. I could connect with this perfectly and I absolutely loved it. :)

I feel it coming again…
Disconnecting from the world.
Crawling into my dark hole,
Pushing everyone away.
The lines are enlightening though dark and really deep. :) However, ''Disconnecting from the world'' sounds incomplete to me. Perhaps you meant ''diconnecting me......'' or ''disconnected from.......''
I want to be loved, yet…
Want to be alone.
These lines are so me. :) You've written these beautifully. Hats off! :)
Alone to sulk in my own depression…
To search for clarity in purpose.
Wow! The lines are so painful and meaningful. :)
My loneliness gets lonelier...
My sadness gets darker,
Superbly written! :)
And evil takes control
Of this I'll fated mind.
You've accidentally written ''I'll fated'' instead of ''ill fated'' here. The lines are great, though. :)

Corrupt my soul and
Leave me hurting.
Leave me gasping for faith;
''Gasping for faith'' is such a powerful statement. Excellently written lines! :)
I'm searching for strength.
Desperate for my faith but
Right now the devil is on the move.
Pushing, consuming, trying
To overtake me.
Pushing my triggers…
Finding my deepest scars.
Reminding me that he
Is always here on earth with me.
Slowly digging into me.
The lines portray a terrfic struggle between the will to do good but the need to do bad. You've done a remarkable job with these! :)
My weakness is my emptiness.
My strength is a distant memory.
Find me... I'm lost and alone.
A really sensible way of ending the poem. There is deep agony in these lines. They're really heart-touching. :) Do not lose hope in yourself. You'll win the fight. Keep up the good work! :)

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much for the amazing review! I appreciate it very much and appreciate your kind words. On my end it shows ill correctly... I changed it a few days ago from I'll... not too sure why it still shows I'll on your end. That's the bad thing when you type in Word first then copy and paste... Word likes to assume and change things sometimes. Thank you once again! :)

[Bushra Naqshbandi]

You're most welcome! :)