My Own Prison

Here is a poem that hits close to the heart on dark, depressing days.

I can no longer look in the mirror,

The sight of this face disgusts me.

I can no longer live life in fear,

Fear of the mistakes that plague me.

 

Struggle to produce a perfect me,

Perfection, just a mystery.

Chasing dreams far from reality,

The root cause of my misery.

 

I have become a slave to my many wrong doings…

A slave to depression, heartbreak and my demise.

Temporary love, hatred, pain and temptations;

I have created my own prison through my lies.

 

Choices in life come back to haunt me.

 Extricate this curse from my soul.

Break these cuffs to regain my freedom,

Too late, self-pity takes its toll.

 

In this lonely prison some call life…

I take it one day at a time.

Until air no longer fills my lungs,

And I crumble away and die.

Author's Note

I used a 9,8,9,8 ; 9,8,9,8 ; 12, 12, 12, 12; 9,8,9,8; 9,8,9,8 format for this write. Let me know what you think

Reviews

[BougaTimeBongo]

I have to agree with Jaycee - the metered structure and the rhymes flow well, you've done a nice job with creating a natural read, none of the rhymes feel forced nor does the timing. This is a dark, dark place you come from and I can understand that. I have read a couple of your pieces now, and it does seem that you delve into the dark more often than not. I would love to read some lighter pieces that incorporate the skills you clearly have with structure and rhyme, or free verse - I like free verse lots too.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you I appreciate your review very much :) I will work on a lighter piece... most my stuff does tend to be on the darker side.

[Sydney]

That's ok, consistency is a very good trait

[Nadia Gerassimenko]

Excellent formatting and flow...you nailed it, you have come a long way my friend! As for the content in this poem, very dark and desperate...but that is your style and it is quite fascinating! I just hope you do not think that way, at least, not on a daily basis! You are a gem!

[AaronFreitas]

Haha not on a daily basis... it's more my style... thank you Nadia I appreciate your compliments and review... you made my day a lot better my friend :)

[Mara]

Amazing, i feel and relate to this all too well
Thank you for this incredible piece

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Tee... appreciate the review very much :)

[alf]

Hi Aaron. An interesting format, not easily accomplished and you have presented a very powerful emotion with this piece. yep! sometimes we catch sight of something we don't like lurking within us, but you have exposed that issue, and can move forward!!! Loved the poem, I want to keep reading, alf

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much alf... I appreciate your kind words. It's best to find whats lurking in us and get it out and get it behind us. Thats what I tried to do with this piece. Thanks buddy :)

[dan]

Aaron, Too many of us are imprisoned by our own unrealistic expectations of ourselves; perfection is a far too lofty goal for almost everyone, including myself at times. Life begins to become easier to navigate when the expectations veer from perfection to just becoming a better version of yourself. And I DO know about depression and anxiety; I have bipolar disorder so often I am at the mercy of my meds but when it gets bad I STILL have to at least try to exercise some restraint on how badly the disorder changes me.
I liked this piece a lot and it makes the reader think outside the box for their own answers. take care...dan

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Dan... I appreciate the review buddy. Glad you can relate... some people don't go through these things and don't understand it but I am glad you did. :)

[Saddam]

Its wonderful write
Your format is very nicely composed. What is it called?
My fav one..

Choices in life come back to haunt me.
Extricate this curse from my soul.
Break these cuffs to regain my freedom,
Too late, self-pity takes its toll.

[AaronFreitas]

I'm not sure if it's an official format... I tried to keep the stanzas flowing so started the first two the same... then finished it the same. Thanks for your comments I appreciate it very much :)

[xbxbzdvdsv]

I understand this poem so well, i know what that is like. There is always hope even if you happen to feel hopeless. Great poem.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much... glad you understand it my friend :)

[MsJewel]

Great meter and flow in this well written poem and your rhymes aren't forced. Your words are dark and haunting...I'm sure many can relate to feeling this way at times.

Great writing and a pleasure to read

:) Julie

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Julie :) So far a lot of people can relate... it's not for everyone but I know there are many out there that have some dark moments :) Thanks for your review Julie... much appreciated!

[Emily]

I love that line you opened it with!
Keep it up!!

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Emily :) Appreciate the review

[Carrie.]

The flow was nice. The meter is impeccable.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Carrie :)

[marcus]

striving for unattainable perfection will always leave us ultimately unfulfilled.
The poem has a nice flow, I liked it!!

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Marcus... appreciate your kind words buddy!