My Own Prison

Here is a poem that hits close to the heart on dark, depressing days.

I can no longer look in the mirror,

The sight of this face disgusts me.

I can no longer live life in fear,

Fear of the mistakes that plague me.

 

Struggle to produce a perfect me,

Perfection, just a mystery.

Chasing dreams far from reality,

The root cause of my misery.

 

I have become a slave to my many wrong doings…

A slave to depression, heartbreak and my demise.

Temporary love, hatred, pain and temptations;

I have created my own prison through my lies.

 

Choices in life come back to haunt me.

 Extricate this curse from my soul.

Break these cuffs to regain my freedom,

Too late, self-pity takes its toll.

 

In this lonely prison some call life…

I take it one day at a time.

Until air no longer fills my lungs,

And I crumble away and die.

Author's Note

I used a 9,8,9,8 ; 9,8,9,8 ; 12, 12, 12, 12; 9,8,9,8; 9,8,9,8 format for this write. Let me know what you think

Reviews

[BougaTimeBongo]

I have to agree with Jaycee - the metered structure and the rhymes flow well, you've done a nice job with creating a natural read, none of the rhymes feel forced nor does the timing. This is a dark, dark place you come from and I can understand that. I have read a couple of your pieces now, and it does seem that you delve into the dark more often than not. I would love to read some lighter pieces that incorporate the skills you clearly have with structure and rhyme, or free verse - I like free verse lots too.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you I appreciate your review very much :) I will work on a lighter piece... most my stuff does tend to be on the darker side.

[Sydney]

That's ok, consistency is a very good trait

[Jen]

Its really good. I have never been one for the format of poetic art, but this may just change my mind. It really flows well and the subject as dark as it is well placed. Great job!

[AaronFreitas]

I usually don't write in format... when I did this piece it was important for me to make it one of my best. Some of the reviews I've received talked about it would be better if it was in format and things like that so I put this together the way I normally do in just a free write then put a lot of time in figuring out how I wanted to format and still keep the content, flow and rhyming together. One of the few formatted poems you will see from me but even I admit it read better than when I free versed it. Glad you liked it Jen :) Your words mean a lot :D

[Jen]

You're so welcome...and your poetry means alot! You have genuine talent. This poem is amazing and it inspires me to try out a formatted style.

[AaronFreitas]

Aww thank you :) That means a lot. Trying out a formatted style is fun and challenging... I did 2 Senryu's a few weeks ago and that was definitely different. Gives a little bit of a different perspective :)

[ResiNoth]

I think this is a very well timed piece, just from glancing at a few other pieces I'd say this is one of your better ones rhythmically -- though poetry is super not my strong suit if I'm being honest :) But I just think the timing and the flow are quite well done. I agree with BougaTimeBong, I'd love to read something on the lighter side, or actually, I'd love to read something that mixes the darker writing style -- which you clearly have practice perfecting and honing -- and something more hopeful. I think that could be a really interesting contrast, sometimes the dark can have more impact when there's a bright spot to draw a comparison between side by side, imo. Something that goes from light into a darker place, or goes between the two.

[AaronFreitas]

Appreciate the review my friend. I will definitely work on some more stuff... I am putting some more thought and working on opening up my mind to get creative and look at these writes differently. I don't but I should write every day and I didn't write for years and just started up again in December so I think I'll continue to grow and put together some good creative pieces :) Thank you

[Robert]

This is obviously a very personal piece you have written here Aaron. I cab feel the emotions pouring out into this piece. It is very dark and sad. But I see hope in this piece as well, someone who wants break free but is having difficulty. From reading this I think the day will happen its just a matter of when? A very good write here Aaron and the structure, how in the world did you think of doing it that way?

[AaronFreitas]

Appreciate the review Robert... when I wrote this I orignially did it like all my writes and just let the thoughts flow. I really liked it but I know some people want a specific format and so I sat on it worked on it a few days later. Let is sit again then came up with the format I wanted to work with and adjusted around that and made it work. Tried to keep good flow and rhyming scheme without it feeling forced but this one actually took about 10 minutes to write then about 2 or 3 edits over a couple weeks. One of the few pieces I've actually spent a lot of time and thought putting together. Glad you liked it buddy :)

[Robert]

Well it all worked out and it ended up being well written. I hate the "rules" and sometimes I usually just write and how it ends up is how it ends up.

[AaronFreitas]

Yeah thats what I do majority of the time... I like reading peoples thoughts I don't care what the structure and rules are haha

[Lyric]

I think it's amazing, it flows well and it's so touching. We all have those days we wish we could look in the mirror and see a different face

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you lyric :) This is the write I've put the most work in and really took my time :)

[Lyric]

Well its amazing

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Dark and despairing and well expressed. One can almost touch the emotion in this piece Aaron. Tis something many of us can relate to.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much John :) I tried my hardest in this write so I am glad it came across clear.

[Marianne]

If ever there was a haunting poem of darkness in one's soul, you sure have expressed it in every line and stanza. The emotions spilling onto the page, then into the core of my being, are as visual as blackest night
in a clear sky, pulling me into the orb of your suffering akin to mine. No depression resembles another, yet anyone suffering from depression understands the depth of despair on some days, if not most days.
Wonderful rhythm throughout another brilliant write, Aaron. I relate.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Marianne. This one is a special write to me... kind of portrays my dark times, some bad times I've survived through. I wrote this and sat on it... waited and re-worked it several times until it fit the format and good flow and all. I am glad you like it... that means a lot to me :)

[Marianne]

You are most welcome, Aaron. I have been absent from the Cafe for nearly 3 years and just returned for a bit. I so enjoy reading poetry of any genre! Mine is often about LOVE. :)

[AaronFreitas]

Mine is usually darker stuff... I am going to work on doing a little of everything. I want to be a creative writer and dark is my comfort zone but I want to be able to open my mind and write anything :)

[Marianne]

Oh, I absolutely agree! 'To your own self be true', still applies, I reckon! I've written some dark poetry as well, not posted, and nowhere near as gifted as you are, Aaron. Thank you so very much for your generous reviews of my writing; I so enjoy being inspired regardless how it reads in the end. :)

[silent poet]

SAD AND BEAUTIFUL ALL IN ONE..

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you :) That is my personal story and favorite of mine :)

[silent poet]

I understand every line as if it were chapters of my own, you always pull the reader.. I enjoy pieces of you that you share :)

[Destiny Dreamer]

Ahhh ... I wonder I didn't told you my feelings then how can U write so much better about the? lOl.. Kidding, WOW Amazing "Struggle to produce a perfect me,
Perfection, just a mystery.
Chasing dreams far from reality,
The root cause of my misery."
I truly deeply ENVY your this write (lOl) I wish I had written this one! It's BREATHTAKING!!!
"I can no longer look in the mirror,
The sight of this face disgusts me.
I can no longer live life in fear,
Fear of the mistakes that plague me."
Another AMAZING Stanza... That struck the core of my HEART! :)

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you so much Dreamer... this is the piece that I put the most work into. I was thinking I want to do a poetry book and try to publish all my work... even if I sell 2 copies just to say I did it haha... this was the idea I had for the title of it and the kind of main piece. I wrote this... put it away... worked on it more... put it away... worked on it more... put it away then came back to it and finished it. You probably notice this one is formatted better than most of my writes... I spent the most time on this one and I usually write free verse. I appreciate your compliments... can I ask your name or is Dreamer what I shall call you... I feel like your my friend I should at least know lol :)

[Destiny Dreamer]

WOW! Yeah U are right, it's very Different than all of your other writes. And it has more emotions and strong verses. I loved it! :)

[Destiny Dreamer]

Haha .. My real name is Faryal! But it's OK to call Dreamer! ... 'Cause I am a Dreamer! :D

[AaronFreitas]

Haha got it... at least I know it :)

[Destiny Dreamer]

Hehe :D ...

[rubie]

sometimes the prisons we create for ourselves, by our own design, can be far worse than a literal prison, and the only way "out" is to forgive yourself, learn to love yourself again, and move on.

profoundly real write.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much rubie :) These past few months have been about learning to love myself again :) I appreciate your review.