My Own Prison

Here is a poem that hits close to the heart on dark, depressing days.

I can no longer look in the mirror,

The sight of this face disgusts me.

I can no longer live life in fear,

Fear of the mistakes that plague me.

 

Struggle to produce a perfect me,

Perfection, just a mystery.

Chasing dreams far from reality,

The root cause of my misery.

 

I have become a slave to my many wrong doings…

A slave to depression, heartbreak and my demise.

Temporary love, hatred, pain and temptations;

I have created my own prison through my lies.

 

Choices in life come back to haunt me.

 Extricate this curse from my soul.

Break these cuffs to regain my freedom,

Too late, self-pity takes its toll.

 

In this lonely prison some call life…

I take it one day at a time.

Until air no longer fills my lungs,

And I crumble away and die.

Author's Note

I used a 9,8,9,8 ; 9,8,9,8 ; 12, 12, 12, 12; 9,8,9,8; 9,8,9,8 format for this write. Let me know what you think

Reviews

[BougaTimeBongo]

I have to agree with Jaycee - the metered structure and the rhymes flow well, you've done a nice job with creating a natural read, none of the rhymes feel forced nor does the timing. This is a dark, dark place you come from and I can understand that. I have read a couple of your pieces now, and it does seem that you delve into the dark more often than not. I would love to read some lighter pieces that incorporate the skills you clearly have with structure and rhyme, or free verse - I like free verse lots too.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you I appreciate your review very much :) I will work on a lighter piece... most my stuff does tend to be on the darker side.

[Sydney]

That's ok, consistency is a very good trait

[Sydney]

Very solemn tone here. Nice structure, rhythmic to read. Liking this style a lot

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Sydney :D I like to have a rhythm to my writes... makes it a little more enjoyable I think :) Thanks for your review

[Rana]

A lonely prison sounds like the perfect simile for the depressing days. I loved the first stanza and the last one. This totally feels like it has come from a heart which has been through every word it speaks of, nothing's made up. So this poem gets itself a place in the top shelves by default. It's your own special version of the thing that strikes all humans excluding none. The structure used was something new I came across, a really nice attempt, Aaron.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Rana... I put a lot of effort and thought into this one so I am glad you liked it. The format was something I tried out... I didn't see it used somewhere and copied... it was something I just did with this write trying to keep the meter right. Appreciate your review :)

[Gabby Nieves]

I really liked this one, nice flow and of course I can relate to most of it. But one thing I will say is what my teachers told us once, try to do more showing and less telling. idk if that makes sense to you but yeah... anyways, good job

[AaronFreitas]

Thanks for the review Gabby... I will think about that and figure out how to do it :) Appreciate your review :)

[Deandra Dawn]

It did flow well and I'm sure many can relate to what you are saying. Thanks for sharing

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Deandra :) I appreciate your review

[Thesecuts]

this is so original. you are a very talented writer, good person and I hope you become very successful if you arn't already!

[AaronFreitas]

Successful in writing? I sure hope so I would love to be :) I appreciate your kind words. I just noticed you are from Florida.. I just walked Dawg Fight a documentary from an area in Florida... I'm guessing you probably don't hang out at that place lol but it was extremely interesting :) Thank you :D

[erinwrites]

I'm really digging this. The flow and the content are both amazing

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Erin... this one is my personal favorite and probably most personal... it's a glimpse into me :) Appreciate your review :D

[Aries1984]

I noticed that you used the 9,8,9,8 and etc. I never knew what that's really called but you gave it a good enough of a name in my opinion. I remember studying different styles of poetry when I took an elective class on Poetry back in high school. We studied different styles of poetry like ballads (which are my favorites), odes, Person poetry which is also really cool. Sonnets (which are also my favorites). I've kind of wanted to create something that is kind of a mix of different styles in each verse. I think that a nice mix of styles is what you did here. Eventually I'll come up with something on my own one day and will create my own lovely mix.

[AaronFreitas]

I never got to study anything on poetry and I don't know a lot on it... with that format it is just what I chose to use not sure if there is an actual name for that one or not then I threw in a 12, 12, 12, 12 stanza in there. I just read online and figure out things I like :D

[Riley Justine]

It flows really well! love the first 2 stanzas.
Awesome job here! Definitely post it on the group if you haven't already!

[AaronFreitas]

Will post it... I'm glad you like it... this one is definitely a personal one so positive feedback is always a plus!

[Sindu]

Incredibly relatable! Those days when you can't take it anymore and smiles evade you, even very own skin feels constricting. Sometimes it's all just tiring.. when you cannot realise what to feel or do

Amazing write Aaron, the metre, rhyme, flow and the context doesn't seem forced and sequence seems well placed.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Sindu.... I was telling others that this is a piece I put the most work into trying to make it as good as I could. I am glad you enjoyed it :)

[Angela Sparks]

I. Love this. The mood of the poem and the rhyme scheme go perfect together. All the verses make sense. I love the last part. Amazing. Great work.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Angela. I guess it pays to not just write and post lol... this is the one piece I've really put a lot of effort and thought into and it's been well received by the cafe. I appreciate your review :)