My Own Prison

Here is a poem that hits close to the heart on dark, depressing days.

I can no longer look in the mirror,

The sight of this face disgusts me.

I can no longer live life in fear,

Fear of the mistakes that plague me.

 

Struggle to produce a perfect me,

Perfection, just a mystery.

Chasing dreams far from reality,

The root cause of my misery.

 

I have become a slave to my many wrong doings…

A slave to depression, heartbreak and my demise.

Temporary love, hatred, pain and temptations;

I have created my own prison through my lies.

 

Choices in life come back to haunt me.

 Extricate this curse from my soul.

Break these cuffs to regain my freedom,

Too late, self-pity takes its toll.

 

In this lonely prison some call life…

I take it one day at a time.

Until air no longer fills my lungs,

And I crumble away and die.

Author's Note

I used a 9,8,9,8 ; 9,8,9,8 ; 12, 12, 12, 12; 9,8,9,8; 9,8,9,8 format for this write. Let me know what you think

Reviews

[BougaTimeBongo]

I have to agree with Jaycee - the metered structure and the rhymes flow well, you've done a nice job with creating a natural read, none of the rhymes feel forced nor does the timing. This is a dark, dark place you come from and I can understand that. I have read a couple of your pieces now, and it does seem that you delve into the dark more often than not. I would love to read some lighter pieces that incorporate the skills you clearly have with structure and rhyme, or free verse - I like free verse lots too.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you I appreciate your review very much :) I will work on a lighter piece... most my stuff does tend to be on the darker side.

[Sydney]

That's ok, consistency is a very good trait

[emmajoy]

This has amazing skill! To use a specific and controlled format YET recreate such emotional thought into coherent self.analysis is extraordinary. But, why can't that power, that ability, be used to remedy your sadness - to see what is clearly a an exceptional human being,

No man is equal to his neighbour, nor is he less or more. For in the beginning as with the end, each and every one is.. unique. EJG

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Emma for your amazing review :) I do appreciate your kind words :)

[emmajoy]

Not merely kindness but absolute truth.

[Brian Csati]

Your words are powerful and emotionally charged into a wonderful piece. Poems like these deserve credit for they come from a very personal experience. Thank you for getting this poem out there for everyone to read and appreciate!

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Brian... glad you appreciated it :)

[SleeplessVolcano]

Our obsession with perfection is both a curse and a blessing......we at least want to improve, but even when we do, it is never enough, because we always believe that "just that little more" is required.........you hinted at a possible solution...."one day at a time", but in the end, "defeat" can also creep up on us "one day at a time".

Thought-prooking poetry!

[SleeplessVolcano]

oops...I mean, provoking....LOL

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you SleeplessVolcano :) I am glad I could spark some thought from my point of view :) Appreciate your review.

[Brittany Bostic]

This is a really intriguing poem. The first line is what gets you hooked and I loved the line, "Break these cuffs to regain my freedom" It had so much meaning in a literal sense and to do directly with the poem. Normally I don't like self pity however that is not what this felt like at all. It was more like self honesty.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Brittany :) The reason I came up with this is at the time I wanted to do a poetry book. I needed something that really captured the moment in time and this one did that. I put a lot of thought into and really made it what I wanted it to be. I never thought of self-pity but more of just an honest write from the darkest time in my life :) It means a lot that you like it :)

[Coyote Poetry]

A powerful poem with a sad ending.
"In this lonely prison some call life…
I take it one day at a time.
Until air no longer fills my lungs,
And I crumble away and die."
Lonely prison are made and hard to find the light of hope when darkness and sadness overtake us. Thank you for sharing the outstanding poetry my friend.
Coyote

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Coyote :) Sometimes when life is tough and you hit that rough patch it feels like you are stuck in a self created prison. I tried to get across how it felt during that time... glad you enjoyed it :)

[Coyote Poetry]

I did and you are welcome.

[Insight "MH"]

We must break out! I felt imprisoned too while reading this. The poem talked to me, like if it knows me.
To overcome that feeling, i think of the people in worse situations than me, so i can remember how much i am blessed.

A lovely write, and thank you for sharing.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much :) I also do the same... thinking of others who have it worse and try to be thankful for the things I do have... that's all we can do my friend :) Thanks for your review

[L. Michelle Corp]

I do not know anything about poetry... but I will give you my opinion of your words.
"Chasing dreams far from reality, The root cause of my misery."

[AaronFreitas]

Thanks for your review... thanks for sending the rest in message you are too kind my friend. :)

[D.T.]

Such a well formed and well written piece. I love your writing. Your writing is on the darker side but that's why I love it, it's easier for me to relate to. Good job. I'm going to try and check out some of you other pieces too.

[AaronFreitas]

Awww thanks D.T. :) Most my writes are on the darker side... I would say it's much easier for me to express myself in that style... I'm more comfortable there. Appreciate your review and please do check out some more :) Send me read requests anytime... usually all I get to is my read requests on here now.

[Tomoe Tellez]

Yep, this is exactly how it feels, you couldn't have explain it in a better way. The words have great meaning and you chose the format wisely, makes the poem stand out. This deserves 100 points! Thanks for sharing.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much for your kind review and score... I am glad you liked it :) I put everything I had into this one... it was very important to me :)