My Own Prison

Here is a poem that hits close to the heart on dark, depressing days.

I can no longer look in the mirror,

The sight of this face disgusts me.

I can no longer live life in fear,

Fear of the mistakes that plague me.

 

Struggle to produce a perfect me,

Perfection, just a mystery.

Chasing dreams far from reality,

The root cause of my misery.

 

I have become a slave to my many wrong doings…

A slave to depression, heartbreak and my demise.

Temporary love, hatred, pain and temptations;

I have created my own prison through my lies.

 

Choices in life come back to haunt me.

 Extricate this curse from my soul.

Break these cuffs to regain my freedom,

Too late, self-pity takes its toll.

 

In this lonely prison some call life…

I take it one day at a time.

Until air no longer fills my lungs,

And I crumble away and die.

Author's Note

I used a 9,8,9,8 ; 9,8,9,8 ; 12, 12, 12, 12; 9,8,9,8; 9,8,9,8 format for this write. Let me know what you think

Reviews

[BougaTimeBongo]

I have to agree with Jaycee - the metered structure and the rhymes flow well, you've done a nice job with creating a natural read, none of the rhymes feel forced nor does the timing. This is a dark, dark place you come from and I can understand that. I have read a couple of your pieces now, and it does seem that you delve into the dark more often than not. I would love to read some lighter pieces that incorporate the skills you clearly have with structure and rhyme, or free verse - I like free verse lots too.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you I appreciate your review very much :) I will work on a lighter piece... most my stuff does tend to be on the darker side.

[Sydney]

That's ok, consistency is a very good trait

[....................]

Great write, Aaron... nice flow and clear message: we often create our own prisons and then seemingly have trouble breaking out.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you FT... the hard part is breaking out since it is self-created. I appreciate your review my friend :)

[Madison Rose]

This is a well written poem Aaron.
If we look closely, we will see that our mistakes are very valuable. Mistakes help us learn, and they are stepping stones to help us reach our personal greatness :)

[AaronFreitas]

Indeed Madison :) We can only move up and keep trying to get to a better place... thats what I am trying to do still :)

[Jeyanthi]

Struggle to produce a perfect me,
Perfection, just a mystery.
Chasing dreams far from reality,
The root cause of my misery.

words emphasizing confession, i liked it...
(i can't weigh how much darker inside am. :P

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Jeyanthi :) I am glad you liked it.... thanks for taking time to read and review I appreciate it!

[sereenaoutloud]

WOW all the poems I'm reading tonight are superb!, this is one of my favorites from you Aaron. It is a little dark but you write it so beautifully. Trying to create a perfect you is an impossible task my friend. No-one is perfect. So many people will relate to this feeling of not being enough and feeling so broken,,,lost in heartache!!
great pieced

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you so much Serena :) I tend to write a lot of darker stuff... I guess more of a style than just feeling. I appreciate your comments my friend... glad you liked it :)

[R Smith]

I think you did that remarkably Aaron, i must confess i never think about meter, guess i'm missing out, your poem flows and rhymes to perfection, the subject is very dark but the skill you put into this creation makes even the darkest night into a bright new day, great work my friend :)

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Richard! I usually don't focus on anything except good flow but I put more effort and thought I'd try something with this one. I am glad you liked it my friend. I still like my free writes better but so far so good :)

[R Smith]

your welcome Aaron, i must admit i'm not good with restrictions of words and lines, i understand the idea but prefer the freedom of just writing it as it comes, hey sometimes i write free verse that ends up rhyming or something like that lol

[AaronFreitas]

Yeah I definitely prefer the free verse style and enjoy reading free verse much better.

[Jamestown]

Friend I just enjoy reading your work period!
You know me, I obviously like to read my friends work when a positive message
is at the forefront, but I know as well as the next man, that being positive all the
time is impossible. This is another well written piece and has great wording, flow
and a message that anyone will understand, thanks for sharing and b-blessed!

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much James :) I tried to mix it up... try to cover all areas... positive, dark, love, lust and more haha... this one actually was written a few weeks ago then I just played with it the other day before finally posting it. I appreciate your reviews brother :)

[Jamestown]

Keep up the great work!

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you James... same to you. Your writings always bring me a positivity that I need and your writings help me with my quest to find myself and build my faith :)

[Jamestown]

I really appreciate that brother, but i too struggle just like anyone else.

[AaronFreitas]

Yeah it's not easy but you inspire... inspire me my friend and that is a great start :)

[Michelle Coleman]

I have not done a whole lot with formatting. Truth be told, I don't know a damn thing about it. However, the flow works quite well making this an easy read despite the content. I know how much of a challenge it can be to work with syllables. I have minimal experience with haikus. So with that said, I believe you have done a pretty good job of expressing some dark feelings and beliefs about yourself (fiction or real) through the limitations of this particular format. You have done it in such a way that your words are easily felt and relatable.

The poem, itself, is heart breaking. Many of us have been there. Sometimes more than once. A lot of power and enlightenment can come from the bottom of the self-sabotaging pit of despair.

Delusions hold a lot of sway in how we feel about ourselves. There is no perfection. Dreams give us life. Those cuffs holding us hostage require a key that only we possess.

[AaronFreitas]

You have no idea how nice it is to hear you don't do a lot with formatting :) I am usually just a freestyle writer and I took a lot out to make this work into a format. Sometimes the reviews are that I should structure more so this was my attempt :) I really appreciate your review Michelle :)

[Michelle Coleman]

There is a lot of challenges working within structures. I think it helps make us better writers when we step outside of our comfort zones.

Your attempt was a success.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Michelle :) I appreciate that. I wrote it... liked it then worried about structure and re-did a lot of it. I still think I liked the original better haha

[Michelle Coleman]

Hahahaha maybe post that one as well and see what we the people think. 😉

[AaronFreitas]

I dont think I have the copy... I had saved the original then went back and edited that piece and saved so I lost the original piece. :(

[Michelle Coleman]

I used to do that. Then a couple of friends told me that I should always save my drafts. So now I email each draft to myself.

[AaronFreitas]

oh nice! Now you will be my friend that told me... good advice :)

[Michelle Coleman]

Hahahahahait is a good trick

[TheLostMind]

"Struggle to produce a perfect me,
Perfection, just a mystery.
Chasing dreams far from reality,
The root cause of my misery." - I loved these lines the most. Especially the second one. "Perfection, just a mystery". Desire is the root cause of all sorrow my friend. Yet, it is desire that gives us hope, gives us a reason to live.

We are indeed slaves of the choices we make. We can only break free from these wretched chains when we will be masters of our own destiny. Another dream far from reality? :P.

A really good write :)

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much my friend :) I admit there are some lines that really hit home and have deep meaning to me such as Perfection, just a mystery. Always trying to be the best me but it seems like its so far away. The more perfect I try to be the further I am away from it... so I am trying to learn to accept me for me :) I appreciate your review

[TheLostMind]

Exactly.. It seems the only way to silence those mad voices inside our minds is by accpeting reality :).. You are welcome :)

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you :)

[Perkele.7885]

I liked the poem but, I am not a format man here. I am a free verse guy. So I cannot help you on that score.

[AaronFreitas]

Thanks Perkele.... I am free verse kind of guy too! I tried to do some structure to try it out but I feel my best work is when I just write what comes to the mind :) Thanks for the review