My Own Prison

Here is a poem that hits close to the heart on dark, depressing days.

I can no longer look in the mirror,

The sight of this face disgusts me.

I can no longer live life in fear,

Fear of the mistakes that plague me.

 

Struggle to produce a perfect me,

Perfection, just a mystery.

Chasing dreams far from reality,

The root cause of my misery.

 

I have become a slave to my many wrong doings…

A slave to depression, heartbreak and my demise.

Temporary love, hatred, pain and temptations;

I have created my own prison through my lies.

 

Choices in life come back to haunt me.

 Extricate this curse from my soul.

Break these cuffs to regain my freedom,

Too late, self-pity takes its toll.

 

In this lonely prison some call life…

I take it one day at a time.

Until air no longer fills my lungs,

And I crumble away and die.

Author's Note

I used a 9,8,9,8 ; 9,8,9,8 ; 12, 12, 12, 12; 9,8,9,8; 9,8,9,8 format for this write. Let me know what you think

Reviews

[BougaTimeBongo]

I have to agree with Jaycee - the metered structure and the rhymes flow well, you've done a nice job with creating a natural read, none of the rhymes feel forced nor does the timing. This is a dark, dark place you come from and I can understand that. I have read a couple of your pieces now, and it does seem that you delve into the dark more often than not. I would love to read some lighter pieces that incorporate the skills you clearly have with structure and rhyme, or free verse - I like free verse lots too.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you I appreciate your review very much :) I will work on a lighter piece... most my stuff does tend to be on the darker side.

[Sydney]

That's ok, consistency is a very good trait

[TheOne&Only]

Hit close to my heart...that's for sure...thanks for sharing.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you my friend... thanks for reviewing this piece :) I appreciate you

[azaleablue]

This is very good! The description is enough to feed the readers interest but also leaves space for imagination and questions.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much :) I appreciate your review.... I did try to write it to give the feelings I have yet leave it for people to interpret and relate :)

[RiverRei]

I love this. It reminds me of the song "My Own Prison" by Creed. Yes I listened to Creed. I've felt this way many times and it's so difficult to get out of this rut. I hope that you find the soul that compliments yours and makes you feel alive and not alone anymore. Great write my friend. I can relate more than I like to admit lol. Thank you for sharing!

[AaronFreitas]

I love Creed and love that song. That is probably where the Title popped into my head from. haha... no one likes to admit to the dark stuff :)

[Frozen Eyes]

Smooth to read, interesting to blend with, relatable to connect with. Grt work :)

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Frozen Eyes... glad you could relate to this piece. Thanks for your review my friend :)

[wordman]

you we`re right on key my friend and a great write

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much wordman... appreciate your kind words my friend :)

[wordman]

you are welcome

[Kousika]

Nice work.. The truth of life is revealed here in great essence.. :)))

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Kousika :) I appreciate your review

[Zac]

This is a very good write.
I Like how you put the poem into this format,
Hope you write more.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Zac aka KingKlutz! haha I appreciate your review :)

[Zac]

Your welcome

[Ilerah]

I like it, the format is well done. I like the words that you used, the description of your self prison. Well done

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Ilerah... I am glad you like it. I appreciate your review my friend :)

[Ilerah]

Glad to help Aaron

[Ishita Dixit]

The format was good indeed. And so was the poem.
I loved the idea and the overall write!

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Ishita! I am glad you liked it... I appreciate your review :)

[Haley Wilson]

I love the dark and depressing tone of the poem. As someone who has written many poems like these myself, I have to say, you really know how to create a nice and consistent flow with your words. Great job, dear! Xoxo

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Haley! I would say I tend to write more of the darker stuff as it flows out of me much easier than positive uplifting pieces. Thank you for reading and reviewing I appreciate you :)