My Own Prison

Here is a poem that hits close to the heart on dark, depressing days.

I can no longer look in the mirror,

The sight of this face disgusts me.

I can no longer live life in fear,

Fear of the mistakes that plague me.

 

Struggle to produce a perfect me,

Perfection, just a mystery.

Chasing dreams far from reality,

The root cause of my misery.

 

I have become a slave to my many wrong doings…

A slave to depression, heartbreak and my demise.

Temporary love, hatred, pain and temptations;

I have created my own prison through my lies.

 

Choices in life come back to haunt me.

 Extricate this curse from my soul.

Break these cuffs to regain my freedom,

Too late, self-pity takes its toll.

 

In this lonely prison some call life…

I take it one day at a time.

Until air no longer fills my lungs,

And I crumble away and die.

Author's Note

I used a 9,8,9,8 ; 9,8,9,8 ; 12, 12, 12, 12; 9,8,9,8; 9,8,9,8 format for this write. Let me know what you think

Reviews

[BougaTimeBongo]

I have to agree with Jaycee - the metered structure and the rhymes flow well, you've done a nice job with creating a natural read, none of the rhymes feel forced nor does the timing. This is a dark, dark place you come from and I can understand that. I have read a couple of your pieces now, and it does seem that you delve into the dark more often than not. I would love to read some lighter pieces that incorporate the skills you clearly have with structure and rhyme, or free verse - I like free verse lots too.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you I appreciate your review very much :) I will work on a lighter piece... most my stuff does tend to be on the darker side.

[Sydney]

That's ok, consistency is a very good trait

[Joshua Clement]

Loved the poem, and I feel it's echo (Truth)... thanks for writing it... maybe, sometimes what we need is just to know we aren't alone...

[AaronFreitas]

Yes indeed my friend... reading the reviews makes me realize a lot of people connect to the words. I appreciate your review very much my friend :)

[Joshua Clement]

You are much welcome!

[Emily]

I love the usage of meter! Nice work!

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Emily :) This is one that I actually sat and re-worked and re-worked to get it the way I wanted before finally posting :)

[Emily]

Excellent! Yeah, sometimes, you gotta work at a poem instead of letting it flow free.

[SammMG]

Everything was tied together so well... It actually gave me chills. Good job, I could feel the sense of hoplessness, of dejection in these words. Not even a longing to escape. Just a sense of knowing that you're stuck in your own personal hell.

Your stuff depresses me so much at times but I just can't help looking for more!

[AaronFreitas]

Haha thats always a good thing... one of my favorite bands is Seether... I listen to their album and I'm like damn it makes me sad as hell but I still want to listen to it :) Thanks for your review, I appreciate it!

[andrew mitchell]

A good choice of format for a dark, dark piece and so nicely expressed and just look at your views. that's all my views on all my work lol well done

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Andrew... appreciate your review very much. I'm glad it worked together... sometimes I write and it works sometimes it doesn't. But I appreciate your review my friend :)

[andrew mitchell]

I no what you mean. I laugh when I get 10 views only then nothing lol:)

[AaronFreitas]

haha you never know what will do good... one of my best writings... well one of my most personal and favorites still hasn't hit 50 views I believe and I thought it would do well... it's a mystery my friend

[andrew mitchell]

It sure is!! Like walking pass a Da vinci's . If our poems could talk to viewers it would be words of; Hello! Excuse me! Hey You! Come back!

[AaronFreitas]

haha I hear ya there!

[nazia]

I liked the trick you did with meter. Its great to vary the dimensions sometimes.
The subject you chose is a very intriguing one. often bad choices of past don't leave us alone and create a problem in the present. It may be a dark write but it is a lovely write :) good job

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Nazia... appreciate the review my friend. I am comfortable writing, rhyming and tempo when it is a darker piece. I am glad you enjoyed it :)

[A.D Edwards]

I saw this title and was intrigued to read it as I just wrote one like this myself you are welcome to view it. I must say that I feel everything you have tried to put in words here, and I appreciate giving insight to the way you feel as an individual and it is constructed very well

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much for the review... glad this piece found you. I will definitely check yours out.

[A.D Edwards]

Superb! Keep up the good work my friend!

[Tom McRoberts]

Very resonant emotionally and so, so, so lyrical. The format you've used to write this works really well, but (better yet) your lines never felt as if they had been counted. It flows so naturally. Great work, keep it up!

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Tom... I always want that natural flow and not a forced format. I appreciate your review my friend :)

[Melinda McQueen]

Wow. You expressed feelings so well. A creative piece that tells an emotion so well. I often feel like i'm in a prison of my own due to my disability. hmm do you think I could write my own? :)
A nice write, my friend.

[AaronFreitas]

You can definitely write your own... it's an experience, a feeling that most can't relate to but a feeling you know all too well. Thanks for your kind review my friend... much appreciated :)

[fattycbreezy52]

Sorrowful, thoughtful and yet hard-hitting. The inner conflict of our mind and conscience always throws us down into a deep dungeon which everyone says 'it's life'.Our self-guilt becomes prominent and takes a toll on us.And what happens then? We die slowly. Very slowly.
Though a mainstream topic but absolutely perfect for mainstream people like me.The poem is amazing and fabulously fabricated with a simple diction:)

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much my friend :) I appreciate your review... means a lot!

[Prabha Salimath]

I can no longer look in the
mirror,
The sight of this face disgusts
me.
I can no longer live life in fear,
Fear of the mistakes that plague
me.

This means a lot to me, this is the one thing we humans can't escape, feeling of guilty really eats our confidence and strength, that we dare not look at ourself.

Struggle to produce a perfect
me,
Perfection, just a mystery.
Chasing dreams far from reality,
The root cause of my misery.

Perfect me, just a mysery in a way or two its true but trying to be it, we come near to perfection. When we broken really our becone dungeon and become weak needs help to heal...

In later stanza I like the try to regain confidence and freedom but later unable and giving up gives a sad touch to the poem.

Overall it touches my heart and I don't write this big review to anyone but this poem foster me to do it. I don't know much about rhyme and structure.. Thanks for sharing.

[AaronFreitas]

I really appreciate your big review my friend! It is a deep meaningful poem to me so I am glad that it touched you. Thank you soo much I appreciate it :)

[Prabha Salimath]

You are welcome.....

[Prabha Salimath]

You are welcome.....