My Own Prison

Here is a poem that hits close to the heart on dark, depressing days.

I can no longer look in the mirror,

The sight of this face disgusts me.

I can no longer live life in fear,

Fear of the mistakes that plague me.

 

Struggle to produce a perfect me,

Perfection, just a mystery.

Chasing dreams far from reality,

The root cause of my misery.

 

I have become a slave to my many wrong doings…

A slave to depression, heartbreak and my demise.

Temporary love, hatred, pain and temptations;

I have created my own prison through my lies.

 

Choices in life come back to haunt me.

 Extricate this curse from my soul.

Break these cuffs to regain my freedom,

Too late, self-pity takes its toll.

 

In this lonely prison some call life…

I take it one day at a time.

Until air no longer fills my lungs,

And I crumble away and die.

Author's Note

I used a 9,8,9,8 ; 9,8,9,8 ; 12, 12, 12, 12; 9,8,9,8; 9,8,9,8 format for this write. Let me know what you think

Reviews

[BougaTimeBongo]

I have to agree with Jaycee - the metered structure and the rhymes flow well, you've done a nice job with creating a natural read, none of the rhymes feel forced nor does the timing. This is a dark, dark place you come from and I can understand that. I have read a couple of your pieces now, and it does seem that you delve into the dark more often than not. I would love to read some lighter pieces that incorporate the skills you clearly have with structure and rhyme, or free verse - I like free verse lots too.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you I appreciate your review very much :) I will work on a lighter piece... most my stuff does tend to be on the darker side.

[Sydney]

That's ok, consistency is a very good trait

[Joey Lexington]

I love when poems are so real and deep. This is the kind of vulnerability needed to write touching works.

[Isabella Disney]

very relate-able piece, flows very nicely. I too particularly enjoyed the first verse!

[D]

My reaction : Wow.
and favorite lines are the first three, " I can no longer look in the mirror,
The sight of this face disgusts me.
I can no longer live life in fear,"

for I can relate on some level. Well penned!
100/100

[1VJ]

Perfection is a myth and overrated but your poetry is very affecting. Heavy stuff, aptly penned.

[barleygirl]

I don't much care to contend with a bunch of varying syllable counts, becuz it's the meaning that really matters. I love the way your message opens with looking in the mirror & the gut-level confession about feeling disgust by what we see in the mirror. I love the interplay of straightforward writing with good use of analogies. Very relatable, we all have regrets which grow even more numerous & overwhelming when we're long in the tooth (old-fashioned way to say OLD). The nice thing about being OLD is that hopefully we reach a point where we can let go of regrets as the main way to remember our lives. The middle stanza seems to be the most powerful, as far as literally spitting out the inner turmoil.

[Timothy Ryan]

I see you're name on here a lot, and figured I'd give you a read. By looking at you numbers there's no question that you're one of the most popular people on here. I respect how you promote, and plan to be up there with you (if not further) very shortly. Now, about this poem. It's clear that you had a message and theme in mind. You did a good job of getting that across. You didn't get too fancy with the wording when you rhymed. A lot of people ruin a good line just so they can make it rhyme at the end, and you managed to avoid that trap. As straight-forward and easy as this poem was to understand, I think you could make ones like this better in the future. With lines like "Choices in life come back to haunt me." you just left it vague. If you gave even one example of this, the strength of the poem grows, and goes from a something people can relate to, to grabbing them by the wrist and taking them through exactly what brought those feelings on. Thank you for sharing, and have a good weekend.

[Shei]

The wrong choices, the regrets and the emotional roller coaster- well write my friend. keep fighting the demons :)

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Shei :) I am trying my best :)

[Michelle Coleman]

I forgot that I had read this poem. Reading it again breaks my heart. My brother is living in this sort of prison and reaching him is so difficult. because he has created a reality so solid for him that he is unable to see reason. To take a breath. And it scares me.

Despite the feelings this poem stirs presently, you have chosen words very easy to relate to. They have given me a reminder to be more intently compassionate and caring.

[AaronFreitas]

I am glad you can relate your brothers situation to these words. Sometimes we get to a place in life where we just feel trapped and it's hard to look back and see the path we took to get there. All we can do is come out of it a better person... I know I have and I hope the same for your brother :) Thanks for your review Michelle :)

[Michelle Coleman]

No, thank you. 😊 he is doing his best to break through. All I can do is help guide him. Support him.

[AaronFreitas]

Let him know he's not alone... there's always someone fighting the same fight.

[Michelle Coleman]

I have. He knows on one level, at least.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Beautiful piece full of emotions!
Relatable and quite touches the right chord.
Everyone once in a while go through this, for we all live in this competitive world where each moment is a race and everyone wants to excel!
Great write!

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Jyoti! I was going through some personal things in my life and this write is really what it felt like at the time. Glad you liked it :)

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

You are welcome!

[KallGraham]

I admire this piece. It's very heart-felt in a very heavy way. It's real and genuine. I enjoyed the read.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Kall :) Almost all my writes are genuine and honest so I am glad you enjoyed it.