Mixed Emotions

I decided to write... nothing in particular.. sometimes I like to just release whats in my mind.

I sit alone listening to music thinking of all that I could still be.  Yet memories of all that I lost still haunt me. Eventually I need to forgive myself and move on with life but I pour my soul into these poems and look for sympathy for the hearts that I have broken… including my own.  My heart right now still rests in my chest shattered into tiny pieces… there is nothing strong enough to hold it together.  If you can find a way to mend my broken heart please share with me but I can’t promise that I won’t break it again.  This cycle of distrust in my self is hard to comprehend and with that I sit paper and pen waiting for answers from my mind. Dysfunction seems to be the way I like to function and loneliness seems to be the way I am happiest.  Paint this smile on my face today because it is another day that God gave me to figure this life out.  How can I be happy again? How can God forgive me for my sins?  And what does it take for me to figure out this life and how to succeed and win?  I will go to sleep tonight lonesome as always; wake up tomorrow and start all over again. 

Author's Note

Share your thoughts :)

Reviews

[RomaJ]

This is one powerful write, Aaron! Very deep and emotional. I felt my heartbreaking as well. Aww... I wish you light my friend...shall I get the rainbows and unicorns again? :) haha
Well done, Aaron. You have a beautiful heart and write beautiful, heartfelt poems.

[AaronFreitas]

Haha I could use a unicorn right about now :) Just let me know where to catch my ride haha... thanks for the review :)

[RomaJ]

Haha in my dreams I did...
I came to your window late at night:) and whispered, "Take my hand, Aaron.
Then I swooped you up on my unicorn and we rode amongst the stars, where we had coffee and chatted about the wondrous mysteries of life. It was quite profound. Haha hope you're smiling:)
And you're welcome :)

[AaronFreitas]

haha thanks I needed a good smile today? Come back again I just made dinner :)

[RomaJ]

Haha now This made me smile:)

[AaronFreitas]

haha you know what... I made home made chicken enchiladas for the first time... you missed out :) I was actually impressed that I didn't mess up the enchiladas... they were really good :)

[RomaJ]

Aww sounds delicious. I shall try making that some time:) thanks Aaron

[Raja Anjana Kothapalli]

This is a deep and heartfelt write and I have enjoyed reading it.
Thanks for sharing and have a great day!
-Anjana

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Anjana! You know I have a cousin with almost the same name as yours... her name in Anjanae... you are the only two people I know with similar names like that one. Thanks for reviewing by the way... I got side tracked haha

[Raja Anjana Kothapalli]

You're Welcome! :)

[♥ Ari Skye ♥]

This was really great, very deep..
I've been there. Seems like depression is the only way you want to live,
Trust me though, One day you'll wake up & realize that you're tired of being alone.. It may be hard to be happy, but it's worth it...
With that being said,
Great job on the piece!

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much for the review Ashley! I appreciate you on here :)

[♥ Ari Skye ♥]

& I appreciate you!

[AaronFreitas]

Awww thanks friend :)

[♥ Ari Skye ♥]

You're very welcome!

[Nadia Gerassimenko]

I learned through life that happiness is in part emotion and in very big part hard work. I used to feel very lonely and heart-broken, always wondering why I keep breaking my heart (or why others do it or why I keep breaking other people's hearts). It's easier to be alone, so you don't hurt yourself or others. But anyways, through teachings of wise men and women and my supportive family and friends as well as my discovering of self and self-loving, I learned to find happiness even if temporary. And then the moments would become even longer. Eventually, I found peace, calm, and true happiness within. But of course, one can never be happy all the time. It's impossible and boring and not very enlightening or self-growing. But I accept moments of calamity with more calm and philosophical view than trying to go against them. I always pondered what you ponder in your write. I am sure many of us have. Thank you for sharing.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much for the review. I know exactly what you mean... lately I meet people then get close then push away I guess.... mostly to keep from being hurt I would say. Someday I'll find what I'm looking for :)

[Lizardo]

You are truely one great writer here, your poems really go to my heart and make me think.
This poem is kind of, like "why I write?"
True, Mixed emotions do come when we write something because we have to dig in our mind and sometimes we encounter deep memories in that path...
Beautiful poem, simply beautiful

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Lizardo! These types of poems always end up being my favorites because I know the truth and passion behind the words. It's straight from my heart no sugar coating it or anything. This one and I write to Keep my Sanity are my two truest about myself poems.

[Christopher Casper]

I ask myself these same questions everyday and each day I realize that no one has the answers. Yet I still keep asking myself to try and figure it all out. It's a vicious cycle that I know will come back each morning. I know the pain brother.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much for the review. Sometimes for me it's just good to ramble out some feelings although I rarely post it. I just felt like sharing last night.

[~]

It is nice to vent sometimes. And you did a good job venting this out. You just need to swap your heart for a titanium one my friend. :)

[AaronFreitas]

Lol I am trying moonskittles... If you find one on craigslist let me know so I can make the purchase :)

[Deepika]

It was as though I'm reading out my mind's Psychology. Perhaps this is how most of us think.
Amazing one Aaron!

[AaronFreitas]

I am glad to know there are people out there as confused as me :) Thanks for the review Deepika I appreciate it :)

[Cool Girl]

This was very emotional. The end is quite lovely. Tape nor glue can mend a broken heart, what you need is gorilla glue! Maybe you're just missing a puzzle piece. Find someone strong to hold you up, and I promise that over time, you will heal. :)

[AaronFreitas]

Gorilla glue is over rated too haha I agree sometimes the right person can help mend a lot of broken pieces :) thanks for the review Cool Girl

[Cool Girl]

Hahaha
You're welcome, Aaron!! :)

[Jamestown]

Well brother, for just flinging something together, you did really well.
I asked myself a lot of the same questions your asking yourself now and I honestly do
not know the answers, but I do know that we are to expect long suffering and
our main purpose in life is to serve God! I believe if we do that everything
else will fall into place, thanks for sharing and b-blessed!

[AaronFreitas]

You make a great point James... He has helped guide me through a lot in the past 6 months... more like all my life. Thanks for the review

[~]

deal............ :)