Mixed Emotions

I decided to write... nothing in particular.. sometimes I like to just release whats in my mind.

I sit alone listening to music thinking of all that I could still be.  Yet memories of all that I lost still haunt me. Eventually I need to forgive myself and move on with life but I pour my soul into these poems and look for sympathy for the hearts that I have broken… including my own.  My heart right now still rests in my chest shattered into tiny pieces… there is nothing strong enough to hold it together.  If you can find a way to mend my broken heart please share with me but I can’t promise that I won’t break it again.  This cycle of distrust in my self is hard to comprehend and with that I sit paper and pen waiting for answers from my mind. Dysfunction seems to be the way I like to function and loneliness seems to be the way I am happiest.  Paint this smile on my face today because it is another day that God gave me to figure this life out.  How can I be happy again? How can God forgive me for my sins?  And what does it take for me to figure out this life and how to succeed and win?  I will go to sleep tonight lonesome as always; wake up tomorrow and start all over again. 

Author's Note

Share your thoughts :)

Reviews

[RomaJ]

This is one powerful write, Aaron! Very deep and emotional. I felt my heartbreaking as well. Aww... I wish you light my friend...shall I get the rainbows and unicorns again? :) haha
Well done, Aaron. You have a beautiful heart and write beautiful, heartfelt poems.

[AaronFreitas]

Haha I could use a unicorn right about now :) Just let me know where to catch my ride haha... thanks for the review :)

[RomaJ]

Haha in my dreams I did...
I came to your window late at night:) and whispered, "Take my hand, Aaron.
Then I swooped you up on my unicorn and we rode amongst the stars, where we had coffee and chatted about the wondrous mysteries of life. It was quite profound. Haha hope you're smiling:)
And you're welcome :)

[AaronFreitas]

haha thanks I needed a good smile today? Come back again I just made dinner :)

[RomaJ]

Haha now This made me smile:)

[AaronFreitas]

haha you know what... I made home made chicken enchiladas for the first time... you missed out :) I was actually impressed that I didn't mess up the enchiladas... they were really good :)

[RomaJ]

Aww sounds delicious. I shall try making that some time:) thanks Aaron

[Ben Noah Suri]

Loved this one. Yes, we keep on trying; for tomorrow is yet another new day

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much for the review my friend.. tomorrow always gives us hope :)

[SleeplessVolcano]

Wow....you could have stolen this from my diary!....wait...wait....I think 12 February 2001 is missing! :)

Sometimes, within the depths of doubt, we find our strongest faith. Best advice I got recently, was when I was told that I do not have a faith problem, but a knowledge problem. WHAT? I thought.

"He will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee" Isaiah 26:3....I have allowed my mind to worry, to be consumed, to be overtaken by this world and all its frivolous deadlines, that I did not focus on the source of life and peace anymore. Yes, I may find new grace this morning - enough for today - but when I have painted layers and layers of the wrong paint on the walls of my heart, I need to get a few gallons of paint remover and create a suitable foundation for the peace of God to be painted on....again.....and again.....and again.....

Thanks for sharing brother. Turn the metronome of life a few dozen beats per minute slower, and sooner or later His voice would be loud and clear again....:)

[AaronFreitas]

Haha stealing it from your diary... I'll take that as a compliment! I'm glad you can relate my friend! I appreciate your review... your words... your compliments :)

[W R Stowe]

All sins known to man may be forgiven except Blasphemy which is calling God evil or unclean He is faithful and just to forgive them and will remember them no more,but sin no more is His commandment to us so avoid but if you slip up just confess them to the Lord. First of all you must let go in order to move forward with your life God is the glue that can piece your shattered pieces back together again

Bill

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you for your kind words Bill :)

[W R Stowe]

your welcome

[micky]

Wow Aaron this is beautiful all i can say is "take the pieces of your broken heart and make art with the pieces"
Well done :)

[AaronFreitas]

Thats what I am trying to do... hopefully it works well for me :)

[Amber]

I relate to this a lot. Very powerful, very moving. Well done :)

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Amber. Sometimes we just got let things out and say whats on our mind... this is one a few times I have done that :) If you read "I write to keep my sanity" that is another one I wrote just getting emotions out. Thanks for the comment new friend :)

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

Very honest and reflective, a self portrait almost

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Ally! Sometimes it comes out that way and it is just a true reflection of who we are at the moment. Thanks for reviewing :)

[....................]

I believe you have found the glue to put the pieces of your heart together and that is God, for God is love and love mends a broken heart. The truth is, however, that as humans we are given the power of the brain to remember and we often let the ghosts of our past haunt us. We allow that to happen and though it is not easy to get beyond it is possible. As I read this I see you have provided your own answers to your questions.

QUESTIONS:How can I be happy again? How can God forgive me for my sins? And what does it take for me to figure out this life and how to succeed and win?

ANSWERS: I need to forgive myself and move on with life... God

Forgiving yourself is loving yourself which brings you to God who is always there; you are never lonesome.

Sorry to have written so much but I was moved to do so. Chin up and continue the faith!

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much for the review... you can never write too much in a review :) I do have lots of questions and some I find answers for... some I still seek answers. I try and do right try to correct my mistakes and be a better person each day. At our lowest point in life all we can do is look around and we have to confront who we actually are. I have been there recently and had to take a good look at myself, who I am and who I want to be. I am working to get there. Thank you!

[....................]

Amen brother, we all have to look at ourselves, and I, too, have recently had to come to terms with my own shortcomings as a human being. The journey to improving oneself is a lifelong one; let's hope that by the time we get to the end we have shed enough of the bad to get us to the next stage! - FT

[AaronFreitas]

I agree... we can all change with Faith :)

[RubyOmma]

Everyone inside their heart has a white crystal that shines out and makes prisms when you can find the light, It is unbreakable and can't be taken from you. Don't feel alone, I thing through sharing writing at least we are friends. Be well. :) Good write.
Jos

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much the review :) nice to know I'm not alone :)

[Frozen Eyes]

Agitates a lot of subconscious thoughts. I too relate with the state of mixed emotions, I often go through this phase. Thank U for connecting through this piece :)

[AaronFreitas]

No problem! Glad it reached you and you could relate :) Thanks for taking the time to read it