Whispered Magic

Something is rustling through the trees,

a light and airy autumn breeze.

It passes by, so very near,

and whispers magic in my ear.

I’m lifted up and spun around,

my feet are parted from the ground!

I soar away, light as the air,

wind whipping softly through my hair.

A laugh escapes of pure delight,

I've reached myself to such a height

that I'm the only one to see

this show put on, special for me.

In glowing colors flashing by,

bright patterns soar across the sky.

Pure gold and crimson colored fun,

such sights would dazzle anyone.

They make the ground seem dull and gray,

and bid me smiling, “stay, please stay!”

But now their dance, that's almost done,

fades slowly with the setting sun.

I wish I was a leaf like these,

that have been parted from their trees.

Maybe it soon will be my day,

that wondrous day when I can play.

Come wind…Please, draw near.

Whisper magic--I long to hear!

Author's Note

Thank you for all of the help! I have made numerous slight word changes. Please let me know what you think. Also, I know it looks cramped. I swear it doesn't in my word processing program. I can't get this program to do normal line spacing! I copy it in, and it comes out cramped. No matter what I change it to, it stays that way. Suggestions?

Reviews

[Richard🖌]

Hi, Viola! ; )
It is Richard, come to read, review, and critique this beautiful poem of Nature and Her effects on human nature, through the magical words and expressions of poetical verse, which you've certainly done for me.
As a teacher of poetry, many of my reviews are highly instructive for my poet friends, as well-as encouraging, inspiring, and filled with praise and appreciation, which I sincerely hope you will find this review filled with all of these.
The first thing we're struck by when we come to read a poem is its presentation … how it looks, how it effects the mind's-eye, how it sets the mood. Your presentation poses an immediate issue that needs to be addressed before it will hold the full appeal it deserves; namely, the lines are cramped and forced on top of each other by their less than single spacing, giving them a difficult ambience that is difficult and uncomfortable to read. Always, allow your lines at least one one space to breathe, to feel comfortable in viewing, and to appeal to your readers' mind's-eye.
Next is rhythm and flow, which are determined mostly by word-choice, their arrangement, how they are poetically voiced, and line-count. In the Quatrain form this poem is composed-in, it is not necessary that each line have the same count to flow good, but if they are too far apart in count the rhythm and flow can become awkward, regardless of the wording and arrangement. For this reason, it is recommended that this form of poetry have a reasonably even count to its lines, or as even as is possible without forcing it and/or making it artificial.
Viola, next, I will illustrate your poem with poetic voice, in a manner I feel will best present its excellence and beauty … I hope it helps. The lines are 8-count, with a few word edits and additions, but nowhere have they changed the spirit or meaning:

Whispered Magic
A Poem by viola

Something is rust’ling through the trees,
a light and airy Autumn breeze. …
it passes by, so very near,
and whispers magic in my ear.

I’m lifted-up and spun around,
my feet are parted from the ground!
I soar away, light as the air,
wind whipping softly through my hair.

A laugh escapes, of pure delight,
I've reached myself to such a height
that I'm the only one to see,
this show put-on, is just for me.

In glowing colors flashing by,
bright patterns soaring ‘cross the sky;
with gold and crimson-colored fun,
such sights would dazzle anyone.

Making the ground seem dull and gray,
they bide me smiling, long to stay;
but, now their dance is almost done,
fades slowly with the setting sun.

I wish I was a leaf like these,
that have been parted from their trees.
Maybe, it soon will be my day,
that wondrous day when I can play.

Oh come, please, Wind, and drawing near,
Whisper magic ⁓ I long to hear!


© 2015 viola


Viola,
it is more than obvious your heart, mind, and soul joined with your excellent poetic skills to compose this joyfully marvelous piece of sheer enthrallment, M'Dear, and it has been a very long time since I've had the pleasure to smile from the inside-out … it is as though I have been kissed all through with stardust*

This is, indeed, made of fantastically magical moments … thank you ever-so warmly, Our Lovely-Hearted Poetess! ⁓ Richard

[viola]

Thank you so much! I'm analyzing and morphing these suggestions into my own work right now!

[Patricia Wedel]

dear Viola, I love the autumn breeze
in the trees... with the wind whipping softly
through your hair. It is beautiful to
imagine oneself as part of the autumn
leaves dancing along singing a song.
Your poem flows perfectly and brings
a peaceful melody to my heart. truly, Pat

[foufa la perle]

Oh wow, I really enjoyed reading this one! good job!

[Pimby The Poet]

This was beautiful and painted a clear picture of what you were trying to display with your words. I found it to be magical and enlightening. It is something I would buy if were in a collective book of poems. Bravo!!

[William Gardner]

I didn't respond to this, because Richard did. His response was all encompassing. It was solid and absolute, but it came from certainty. I don't have much more to offer in that field. I felt compelled to say something more though. There is a block in your feeling. Do you have not have more? I don't think that's the case, one who reads, wants to write. You want to tap, and I fear that because that, tapping tapping on the chamber door lets all manner of things in- You would be better off to stay away, but you spent time with me, so I will spend time with you. Magic is gritty and ugly, beautiful and rich. It is felt in the last breath of your smart mouth. So viola, will you play? You have a perfect private world here, it is stone tablets waiting to be written on- Will you write? It's up to you. I still see you, you tell me.

[Dave]

You paint such a beautiful picture. I was out walking today in a heavily wooded area. I remember so vividly the leaves and the colorful grandeur you write about.

I love what you have written, the way it is!. No need to edit, no need to worry about the use of sun twice. You have painted a glorious picture in words. Don't screw it up!

[annalysiar]

It is beautiful work creative and imaginative what with the title and all but yes, sometimes either reading it aloud it writing it can help with either getting a better feel or rhythm of your poem. Asking for help is always good so long ad you take the advice offered 😄 either way great poem Richards advice is the way to go

[viola]

It has been read out-loud many times and advice has been taken. What do you think?

[annalysiar]

Beautifully beautifully done very nice. 😄

[Chris]

This is one eye-breaking font to use on a reader - just saying.

Read your work aloud - slowly once to feel for flaws and then read it aloud faster and feel the rhythm of your words ...you'll pick up the "stumbles" right away. Lastly, though it isn't necessarily a flaw using the same word (other than an article) especially in the same stanza (let alone the the very next line) just feels wrong.

[Johnny]

Gosh so many people here on this site should publish their poetry through agencies and into books and I feel like you Viola are one of them :) almost had a dash of vertigo reading the 2nd paragraph

[Shadowkai]

I love it,
It made me think of Peter Pan :)