A Response to Starbucks’ Lack of Christmas Spirit

Don't you hate it when others are infringing on your personal beliefs? Are you absolutely illogical and maybe insane? You might have something in common with "activist" Keith here, as he speaks out!

Dear Violet Binman,

In recent events, you, like many others, have come across the current epidemic sweeping the nation.  This being the depressing lack of thought and spirit that Starbucks is radiating.  In past years, Starbucks has decorated their products with festive and uplifting Christmas designs.  It was clear their heart had been in the most jubilant place, and they had been taking their loyal customers in consideration.  But, yet, as the holiday season rolls in with its jingles and joyous portrait, Starbucks only has a sad red spittoon of a cup to show for it.  We as a public feel we deserve better than that.   I felt it only necessary to contact you about your recent argument against the Starbucks boycott.

Your article covering this issue was biased and just plain distasteful. Not to mention your uncalled for slander on the people upset by these “stupid cups”.  You seem to find fault in those who want to spread the cheer and love of their religion.  You force your argument on others and hide behind a computer just to insult public views that happen to disagree with your own.  After some thorough research of your previous works, I found that your priorities were awfully skewed when it came to the wellbeing of our country.  Instead of treating the Starbucks boycott as a legit respectfully, you would rather turn your head to late discussions of gun control and illegal immigration.  As if those issues don’t already have simple solutions that you can’t seem to wrap your head around.  Our rally against Starbucks affects us all at a personal level, and everyone has to deal with the rapid decline of Christmas spirit that this great nation has suffered.

It’s quite clear however, that this means nothing to you.  You would rather focus on inane and pessimistic issues like war, poverty, and crime.  Issues that, will never have long lasting solutions.  It’s best to look towards a bright future, by trying to bring back the phrase “Merry Christmas”  instead of “Happy Holidays”; a term meant to appease oversensitive tards like you.  As a loyal supporter of all things wholesome for our country, I have worked with others to stop the overcommercializion of our beloved holiday.  The birthday of Christ should not be flanderized like another cooperation tool.  By spreading “Merry Christmas” to all, we can hope for tender and personal memories tagged to Christmas.  Starbucks used to understand that, and I wish you could as well.

As I readied myself to write a response to your rather jumbled rant against “moronic, unprioritized sheep,” I realized how misguided you and a surprising amount of the nation seem to be.  Despite this, I’m not the least bit insecure about my views.  As you have already known, many people were passionate about how anti-Christmas Starbucks was this year.  This included Donald Trump, and his rally for the return of “Merry Christmas”.  In his own words, he expressed his distress for the plain red cups Starbucks had to offer, “Maybe we should boycott Starbucks? I don't know. Seriously, I don't care. That's the end of that lease, but who cares?"  How can you possibly dismiss these people when you yourself decided to stay out of our business.  We are a community that calls for good Christian values, and we outnumber you.

Unfortunately, your type could never be swayed, no matter what evidence is thrown in your face.  You disprove any legitimacy of our cause, and continue to rant about inconsequential subjects that hardly affect your own livelihood.  I would like to close up my educated discussion with you, since I wouldn’t want to even get started with your complaints over the American education system.  It’s evident you didn’t attend school, otherwise you wouldn’t complain so much about transparent problems, and blatantly ridicule something you know nothing about.  I wish you only the best of luck, as you’ll need it in the future, and hope you and Starbucks can learn to tolerate our diverse public.

Sincerely, Keith Godwin (Part of the the ‘Fight Starbucks’ Lack of Christmas Spirit’ Rally)

Author's Note

My first real attempt at a satirical piece. Hopefully I've improved after a year of stalling around like an idiot.