Shore Leave On Tortuga

A song for an upcoming pirate album. I wrote this after getting stood up for a date with someone from my past.

We made port this Sunday last

And the boys went for their leave

This town, she's a buzzin'

Buzzin' much to loud for me

So, three sheets to the wind,

I found a house of ill repute

And there I spied a maid

That... well, sorta looked like you

But she don't care about my eyepatch

Or how I lost me leg

She don't mind me prattling on

As long as she gets paid

She even does that thing

That you never liked to do

Yes, she's a damn find moll

And she's not you!

Har har!

The ladies of Tortuga

They're as pretty as dubloons

And blissful as ambrosia

If you make it to their rooms

They ain't as thin and dainty

As in civilized country

But we've a saying among sailors-

"We prefer a wider sea!"

For she doesn't mind me missing teeth

Or presents from the dead

She won't make a fuss

If I bring me pistol to her bed

She whispers she loves me,

Even though I know the truth

Yes, she's a damn fine moll

And she's not you!

And don't ye be thinkin' they're soft either...

Poison is a way of life

For Eshera and Katay

They need only prick ya once

Then toss ya in the bay

Sweet Myra slips ya something

With a quick flick of her wrist

And ya wake up in an ice box

With an unfamiliar itch!

But they never ask about my past

I never treat 'em wrong

And if I'm feeling sensitive

They sing sweet siren songs

They fill me life with joy

When I'm gasping in the blue

Yes, they're all damn fine molls

And they're not you

Janie fills me life with joy

When I'm gasping in the blue

Lily sings that she loves me

Even though I know the truth

Francine does that thing

That you never liked to do

Yes, they're all damn fine molls

And they're not you

Yes, they're all damn fine molls

And that'll do

Yes, there all damn fine.... ladies!