Water snake (in the grass)

a senseless poem about a cheater. i've never been cheated on, (nor have i cheated), so my perspective is probably all wrong.

Watersnakes are worms with gills,

a liars intentions are just holes to fill

finding yourself in a rut,

waking from a restless sleep

your eyes are emotionless,

your lips are rouged,

your head spins in a fragile state,

thoughts crossing back and forth,

you wonder how to escape

a night of loving,

waking to a morning of realization

facing your fears

her face covered in tears

with sleepy eyes you stare her down,

refusing to speak,

just giving the innocent a hateful frown

cheated,

heated arguments,

finding yourself at a loss,

growing in the dark,

just scum and moss

you're impulsive and hurtful,

pushed out of bed,

forced to go home,

without an honest thought in your head

 

 

Author's Note

Yes, it's Dustin Hoffman from Rain Man in the photo.

...No, i don't know why, it just is, okay?
...12 minutes to wapner.

Reviews

[Markymark]

This piece is diff from the confetti piece. I like the comparison of the snake to a liar. This one branches from liar to cheater. I guess the two are not mutually exclusive though.

This piece jumps around, but I followed it through.

Going back for more...

Mm

[Flow~]

I didn't notice that it was Dustin Hoffman at first until I read your notes here... I did wonder why but then again he does have that innocent look like he can be trusted so wouldn't he be the perfect cheater?

[Flow~]

the hateful look that is given to the innocent is called guilt....
I believed you captured many of the emotions involved with cheating. I like how you tried to captured the feeling of the man and displayed his actions. Nice touch. Taking risks in your writing can be fun I am glad you wrote this without experiencing it, it shows your ability to imagine beyond reality.

[Bran the Broken]

hmmm. nothing definitive in terms of a story-telling here....the tenses have me a bit confused....but overall, good phrasing and emotional turbulence and confusion and pain...good images too.