Toxic

A Poem by cechx

You. The real you

I should have seen it from a mile away.
The red flags.
You coated them with your love hoping I wouldn’t notice.
You ripped every part of me away from my early mornings, to my friends, parties and late night fun.
I didn’t notice of course, because I loved you.
I do love you.
I’ll ruin everything good in my life for you if it means you’ll stay a little bit longer. Wether the love you have for me is genuine or just a phase, as long as you’ll lay next to me I’ll never complain.

Your constant gaslighting scares me sometimes, I’m easy to manipulate. I think you picked up on that the second you walked in my door.
You’ll call yourself a failure, or say you’re the worst person on earth over the smallest things. I think that’s to make me feel bad, but I’m not sure because before I even get to think about it, I’m already consoling you.
I shouldn’t have felt bad that day for yelling at you.
You treat me like s**t, that is until I point it out, then things are okay for a few hours, maybe a day or two if I’m lucky.
My mom is right.
You use me for everything I have. My kindness and my love for you. You know I’ll never leave you. I wouldn’t have the guts to. I’m too afraid to be alone, so of course I’m going to keep you around as long as you’re willing to stay.

I’ve noticed your toxicity. I’m just too afraid to admit it.