the fire kept us apart

I felt the flames of your love
My butt has third degree
Still feel the heat on my back
The pain I feel in my butt
I almost got away
I know I am applying ointment
To my butt that got burnt

The intensity of the flames
Forced me to run
And run away I did
No matter how far I get
I still feel the heat
I smell the odor of burning hair

I feel the stares of jealousy
Every time I feel love from someone
The special someone I love
Go ahead stare, it cause a rift
A rift you may never bridge

I am a mama even if I never
I was never a mommy
The rift is developing
Deep and wide
The brooklyn bridge cant match

See what jealousy is
So green and cause such a rift
It will take a mars mission to cross
And the budget cant afford
Jealousy is another flame

Reviews

[Dave]

Good use of imagery, such as the flames, the burns, the rift, and the trip to Mars. However, I have a couple of questions about what you wrote:
For "intensive" in the second stanza, did you mean to use "intensity"?
I didn't understand the beginning of the fourth stanza. What does being or not being a mother have to do with jealousy? Could you rewrite it somehow to clarify what you meant?

Otherwise, I like the ideas that you offered to the reader regarding love and jealousy. You have such interesting topics!

[Jacquelene Vanessa More..]

t his poem is very intense indeed but iwould change butt to a*s to accentuate that intensity

[Cece]

it is true intensity
that was the word
i meant. the power
of my proofreader
is weak. i am so
embarrassed that
spellcheck dont
catch that.