fate i was too judge mental

i have thought on this awhile, it was not so long ago
depression use to have me in its death grip
depression does not overwhelm me anymore
i thought of this when i wrote a blog saying i am happy

am i really, my life is going as planned now
is this really my plan but i know they are right
i am happy, depression has no grip on me
what depression use to do to me

nothing i can do nor anything someone else could do
to break me from the spell, the death grip of depression
what do i mean death grip, its true a death grip
the pain is unbearable,  so much you look for anything

anything that will break the grip of depression
i befall on the solvent of hamlet, it wet me so
to be or not to be is spoken as a solution
yes, death was preference to the pain felt

but it is harder than you think, just to say the word
so i never say it, suicide; but how, thought of jumping
stand and stare at the water below is inviting
the water lures you to jump but i just could never let go

i went as far as to step over the little fence
leaning out over the water but never let go
then become to rely on pills that were available
because mom just had a caesarean

setup was warm bath water and i took all of two bottles
painkillers and sleeping pills since the baby was new
the bottles were full, added measure, a knife for a final cut
never gained the nerve to make the slice but i felt the spell of the pills

the bathroom was growing gray as there's a cloud sneaking in
i just barely remember seeing a face, i thought my bath is done
oh yea fireman were in my dream too and the row of lights
the row of lights overhead were streaking by as they were fading

for on that day my dad came home early for no good reason
to find my final decision was swift, another half hour i would be no more
to think my little brother is now three years old, i would never seen
he is more my baby than my mom's, suicide is so far from my mind

Reviews

[STEVEN]

this is the most amazing of all your poems honey...i can relate to this one so well...you are a fabulous writer and i love this one so very much...makes me proud that you can write of this...knowing its all behind and never to return...