4 [untitled] almost have all have been restored

most are listed as untitled cause the webmaster dropped the writing database. will be restoring as i work though the lists.

fate i was too judge mental

i have thought on this awhile, it was not so long ago
depression use to have me in its death grip
depression does not overwhelm me anymore
i thought of this when i wrote a blog saying i am happy

am i really, my life is going as planned now
is this really my plan but i know they are right
i am happy, depression has no grip on me
what depression use to do to me

nothing i can do nor anything someone else could do
to break me from the spell, the death grip of depression
what do i mean death grip, its true a death grip
the pain is unbearable,  so much you look for anything

anything that will break the grip of depression
i befall on the solvent of hamlet, it wet me so
to be or not to be is spoken as a solution
yes, death was preference to the pain felt

but it is harder than you think, just to say the word
so i never say it, suicide; but how, thought of jumping
stand and stare at the water below is inviting
the water lurkes you to jump but just could never let go

i went as far as to step over the little fence
leaning out over the water but never let go
then become to rely on pills that were available
because mom just had a caesarean

setup was warm bath water and i took all of two bottles
painkillers and sleeping pills since the baby was new
the bottles were full, added measure, a knife for a final cut
never gained the nerve to make the cut but i felt the spell

the bathroom was growing gray as there's a cloud sneaking in
i just barely remember seeing my dad's face, i thought my bath is done
oh yea fireman were in my dream too and the row of lights
the row of lights overhead were streaking by as they were fading

for on that day my dad came home early for no good reason
to find my final decision was swift, another half hour i would be no more
to think my little brother is now three years old, i would never seen
he is more my baby than my mom's, suicide is so far from my mind
 

Reviews

[Ron Reardon]

A lot of pain in this. But you tell the story very well, and show that there is always hope. Very well done!

[STEVEN]

you make me proud again...i love the fact that you can face this upfront...write about those feeling and look them in the eye and say depression has no hold on me now and will never hold me again...i am a free bird and i live my life to the fullest...you are so wonderful...i cant imagine a life without you honey...you mean so much to me...i used to cry a lot...but now you make me see that you will always be here for me and my feelings grow stronger every day...