Taking Off the Mask of Pretense
You know, I can't remember the exact time and moment when God began dealing with me about being "Real" and "Taking off the Mask of Pretense." I could run with the big dogs. I was a master chameleon. The best of the best. I knew my traits and I knew them well. I could change personalities in a moments notice. I was whatever people wanted me to be: The Classic People Pleaser. If they were rich, I could play the snob. If they were having a pity party, I could join in and gravel in the dirt with simple ease. If they were smart and intelligent, I could pretend I knew what they were talking about. Joke telling was a cinch. I laughed along with the rest of the crowd whether I knew the meaning of the joke or not. After all, I could pretend. God forbid should I sit there with a blank stare on my face and say, "I don't understand!" They would think I was the stupidest person on the planet...I hate to say it, but to be honest, I had become a "Fake." Oh, I didn't do it on purpose. It just happened.
I was so afraid of being "Me." I was petrified that if people really KNEW me, they wouldn't like me or accept me. When God started dealing with me about "Taking off the Mask," letting down my guard and being myself, I was ready. It was way, way too much work trying to be what "I thought" everyone wanted or expected me to be. Whenever I got in a situation where I had to "Play the Game of Pretense," I quickly grew weary, not to mention exhausted . Every where I turned, I saw the same old thing. "Fakiness" & "Pretense!"..."Fakiness" & "Pretense!" Striving to be something that quite simply, wasn't. I had finally had ENOUGH! I had begun experiencing a holy dissatisfaction; the discontentment that comes upon us when God is getting ready to bring a change into our lives.
There were so many unspoken rules, even in church. "You shop where? Well, I would never think of shopping in that store. It's not the "IN" store. You live WHERE? You do KNOW that is not the PRESTIGIOUS part of town, don't you?" Very often, not a word had to be spoken. You knew what what they were thinking. You could read it on their faces through their facial expression or by their gestures as they gave you the "EYE" and looked you all over from your head to your toes with a look of disapproval and subtle disgust. You know the look!
A glorious day of transformation happened the day I began taking steps towards being "Me" regardless of the sneers and lofty looks! FREEDOM had come. Oh, it wasn't easy, but I DID IT with God's strength. The STRIVING has ceased. I made a steadfast determination to be myself wherever I go and no matter what kind of people I am with. If anyone asks me where I live, I answer confidently. If asked where I bought something I am wearing, whether from Walmart or Tar(jay) or another store I frequent, I tell them "Walmart"..."Tar(jay)!" etc. I am no longer worried about what they will think of me. My self worth isn't wrapped up in where I live or where I shop. It is in Christ.
I have more peace now than I EVER thought possible. If people like me, Praise the Lord! If they don't, Praise the Lord anyway! Some will. Some won't. It's all a part of life. The PEACE that comes with being ourselves is incredible. Did you hear that pin drop?