The Wound Always Speaks FirstA Story by Carole Just a sampling of a book I am working on. Tell me what you think, and let me know if it helps you in any way?
When was the last time you saw a doctor? It seems like there’s a specialist for everything under the sun. There are allergists, podiatrists, orthopedic surgeons, gynecologists, endocrinologists, neurologists, chiropractors, pediatricians, and pulmonary specialists. The list goes on and on. Though heart surgeons do by pass surgeries and perform intricate and delicate heart operations, unfortunately, there is one thing they cannot do. They cannot cure the woundedness that dwells deep within the heart of man. Even psychiatrists and psychologists are not always able to get to the root of a problem. Could this be the reason there are many diseases that they say are psychosomatic with no known cause? Could emotional pain caused by a loved one’s addiction, verbal abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse or other maladies that ravage the tender hearts of men be a probable cause? It not only can, it does.
Every one of us has experienced woundedness. For some, wounds run deep. It all depends upon the level of dysfunction we were accustomed to, or the level we have carried into our adult years and how we perceive those things that have happened to us.
I read some where that 90% of homes today house some type of dysfunction. That’s a pretty high percentage! Dysfunction will always produce woundedness.
Having grown up in a home with an alcoholic father and a bipolar mother, my home life was anything but secure. I was fortunate to have escaped physical, verbal and sexual abuse, but alcoholism carries with it another form of abuse: Abandonment. Abandonment defined is: To leave completely and finally; forsake utterly; desert. * Though my father managed to hold down a job and provide for my mother, me and my brother, because of his addiction, he was not emotionally available to any one of us. Abandonment produced gross fear and insecurity within all of us. That fear, insecurity and instability led to woundedness on the inside of our souls.
A wound is an injury, usually involving division of tissue or rupture of the integument or mucous membrane, due to external violence or some mechanical agency rather than disease; an injury or hurt to feelings, sensibilities, reputation, etc. Some of the synonyms for a wound are cut, stab, laceration, lesion, trauma, insult, pain, anguish, harm or damage. *
If we have a laceration on our body and it becomes infected, it produces throbbing. It’s hard to ignore the pain. If someone accidently bumps it or we hit it on something, it sends us through the roof. Likewise, woundedness is like an open abscess on the inside of our hearts that has not healed. The least bit of bacteria in the way of words or circumstances can reinfect it.
Most of us have burnt ourselves on a hot stove, a hot iron or another heat source at one time or another. We immediately pull away and nurse our wound. We run cold water over it or we quickly reach for an antiseptic or ointment. We have one thing on our minds: To soothe away the pain. Until it heals, it is often foremost in our thoughts. We try to occupy our thoughts with something else, but depending on the level of pain, it can be difficult to focus on other tasks because of the constant stinging.
If someone says something to us that reminds us of a childhood experience that was not pleasant, we automatically cringe. For the physically abused, whether a child, an adult or even an animal, someone raising their hand abruptly around them can cause them to flinch or pull away in fear, even when their safety is not endangered. The memories of their abuser have left them tattered, torn and jumpy.
Many individuals numb their pain through the use of alcohol or drugs. My drug of choice for a season was alcohol but I have used other things like television, shopping and food to bury my pain. You see, I wanted to forget the memories that were painful. Numbing the pain, at least for a time, seemed to be the answer that enabled me to function as I needed to on a daily basis. Sadly, the alcohol, the food, the shopping and other addictions I turned to, did nothing more than mask my pain temporarily. Like a huge band aide that eventually falls off-exposing the wound, my temporary comforts, didn’t last forever, nor provide the lasting relief that I needed.
A wounded individual that has been abused in any fashion, but especially with verbal abuse, will most often filter those things of a derogatory nature through the pain of that wound, even when the comment was not intended to harm them. The infection in this precious one’s soul will cause the wounded one to perceive things as being said that were not.
For instance, let’s say you have a neighbor that lives across the street from you named Sarah. Let's suppose that Sarah grew up in a household where she was told she would never amount to anything, that she was worthless and good for nothing. One day you are standing in the street having a conversation with Sarah, without a clue of what she had experienced in her childhood, and you say something to the effect of, “How is work going? Did you get the promotion you were hoping for at the office?” “No, I was passed over again,” Sarah quips. She immediately begins the filtering process. A simple question triggered an emotional response that she took personally through a simple conversation with her neighbor who meant her no harm. Though she does not say a word, inwardly she internalizes, “It is true. I am worthless. I’ll never amount to anything.” The next time she sees you, she barely waves thinking you have ill intentions towards her. Surely you must think she is just as worthless as her parents always did.
If you know someone who grew up in dysfunction of any form or fashion, begin taking mental notes of what they are saying not only verbally but also with their body language. Do they clam up when you say certain things? Do they pull away from you and isolate for a time? Listen for words or phrases that uncover woundedness and guard yourself from reacting immediately to what is said. The fact that we have two ears and one mouth should be a constant reminder to each one of us of one thing: We should be listening twice as much as we speak.
A wise man once told me in regards to wounded individuals, “Remember Carole, the wound always speaks first.” Put on your listening ears and look for the wounds that may look something like this: “What makes you say that? I knew it. You think I am a failure, don’t you? I’m not good enough for you, am I? No matter what I do, I can never please you. Well, I’m tired. I’m tired of trying. Maybe it would be better for you if I were gone.”
A wounded individual will need massive amounts of verbal affirmation and encouragement that doubles as a healing salve. If you have someone in mind that needs a big dose of antibiotic salve, it’s preparation time and here's a little word of wisdom for the wise: Don’t expect it to happen over night. The length of time needed for the healing is directly related to the level of woundedness. It’s time to put on the work gloves. Adjust the discernment level on those two things on either side of your head and put a sock in the apparatus located right above your chin. I don’t know about you, but my work is cut out for me. I’m listening, are you? © 2009 CaroleAuthor's Note
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Added on March 31, 2008Last Updated on January 1, 2009 Author
CaroleRio Rancho, NMAboutThere comes a point in your life when you realize: Who matters, Who never did, Who won't anymore... And who always will. So, don't worry about people from your past, there's a reason why they didn.. more..Writing
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