The Wound Always Speaks First

Just a sampling of a book I am working on. Tell me what you think, and let me know if it helps you in any way?

 

When was the last time you saw a doctor?  It seems like there’s a specialist for everything under the sun.  There are allergists, podiatrists, orthopedic surgeons, gynecologists, endocrinologists, neurologists, chiropractors, pediatricians, and pulmonary specialists.  The list goes on and on.  Though heart surgeons do by pass surgeries and perform intricate and delicate heart operations, unfortunately, there is one thing they cannot do.  They cannot cure the woundedness that dwells deep within the heart of man.  Even psychiatrists and psychologists are not always able to get to the root of a problem.  Could this be the reason there are many diseases that they say are psychosomatic with no known cause?  Could emotional pain caused by a loved one’s addiction, verbal abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse or other maladies that ravage the tender hearts of men be a probable cause?  It not only can, it does.

 

Every one of us has experienced woundedness.  For some, wounds run deep.  It all depends upon the level of dysfunction we were accustomed to, or the level we have carried into our adult years and how we perceive those things that have happened to us.

 

I read some where that 90% of homes today house some type of dysfunction.  That’s a pretty high percentage!  Dysfunction will always produce woundedness.

 

Having grown up in a home with an alcoholic father and a bipolar mother, my home life was anything but secure.  I was fortunate to have escaped physical, verbal and sexual abuse, but alcoholism carries with it another form of abuse:  Abandonment.  Abandonment defined is:  To leave completely and finally; forsake utterly; desert.  * Though my father managed to hold down a job and provide for my mother, me and my brother, because of his addiction, he was not emotionally available to any one of us.  Abandonment produced gross fear and insecurity within all of us.  That fear, insecurity and instability led to woundedness on the inside of our souls.

 

A wound is an injury, usually involving division of tissue or rupture of the integument or mucous membrane, due to external violence or some mechanical agency rather than disease; an injury or hurt to feelings, sensibilities, reputation, etc.  Some of the synonyms for a wound are cut, stab, laceration, lesion, trauma, insult, pain, anguish, harm or damage. *

 

If we have a laceration on our body and it becomes infected, it produces throbbing.  It’s hard to ignore the pain. If someone accidently bumps it or we hit it on something, it sends us through the roof.  Likewise, woundedness is like an open abscess on the inside of our hearts that has not healed. The least bit of bacteria  in the way of words or circumstances can reinfect it.

 

Most of us have burnt ourselves on a hot stove, a hot iron or another heat source at one time or another.  We immediately pull away and nurse our wound.  We run cold water over it or we quickly reach for an antiseptic or ointment. We have one thing on our minds: To soothe away the pain. Until it heals, it is often foremost in our thoughts.  We try to occupy our thoughts with something else, but depending on the level of pain, it can be difficult to focus on other tasks because of the constant stinging.

 

If someone says something to us that reminds us of a childhood experience that was not pleasant, we automatically cringe.  For the physically abused, whether a child, an adult or even an animal, someone raising their hand abruptly around them can cause them to flinch or pull away in fear, even when their safety is not endangered.  The memories of their abuser have left them tattered, torn and jumpy. 

 

Many individuals numb their pain through the use of alcohol or drugs.  My drug of choice for a season was alcohol but I have used other things like television, shopping and food to bury my pain.  You see, I wanted to forget the memories that were painful.  Numbing the pain, at least for a time, seemed to be the answer that enabled me to function as I needed to on a daily basis.  Sadly, the alcohol, the food, the shopping and other addictions I turned to, did nothing more than mask my pain temporarily.  Like a huge band aide that eventually falls off-exposing the wound, my temporary comforts, didn’t last forever, nor provide the lasting relief that I needed.

 

A wounded individual that has been abused in any fashion, but especially with verbal abuse, will most often filter those things of a derogatory nature through the pain of that wound, even when the comment was not intended to harm them.  The infection in this precious one’s soul will cause the wounded one to perceive things as being said that were not. 

 

For instance, let’s say you have a neighbor that lives across the street from you named Sarah.  Let's suppose that Sarah grew up in a household where she was told she would never amount to anything, that she was worthless and good for nothing.  One day you are standing in the street having a conversation with Sarah, without a clue of what she had experienced in her childhood, and you say something to the effect of, “How is work going?  Did you get the promotion you were hoping for at the office?”  “No, I was passed over again,” Sarah quips.  She immediately begins the filtering process.  A simple question triggered an emotional response that she took personally through a simple conversation with her neighbor who meant her no harm.  Though she does not say a word, inwardly she internalizes, “It is true.  I am worthless.  I’ll never amount to anything.”  The next time she sees you, she barely waves thinking you have ill intentions towards her.  Surely you must think she is just as worthless as her parents always did. 

 

If you know someone who grew up in dysfunction of any form or fashion, begin taking mental notes of what they are saying not only verbally but also with their body language.  Do they clam up when you say certain things?  Do they pull away from you and isolate for a time?  Listen for words or phrases that uncover woundedness and guard yourself from reacting immediately to what is said. The fact that we have two ears and one mouth should be a constant reminder to each one of us of one thing:  We should be listening twice as much as we speak. 

 

A wise man once told me in regards to wounded individuals, “Remember Carole, the wound always speaks first.”  Put on your listening ears and look for the wounds that may look something like this:  “What makes you say that?  I knew it.  You think I am a failure, don’t you?  I’m not good enough for you, am I?  No matter what I do, I can never please you.  Well, I’m tired.  I’m tired of trying.  Maybe it would be better for you if I were gone.” 

 

A wounded individual will need massive amounts of verbal affirmation and encouragement that doubles as a healing salve. If you have someone in mind that needs a big dose of antibiotic salve, it’s preparation time and here's a little word of wisdom for the wise:  Don’t expect it to happen over night. The length of time needed for the healing is directly related to the level of woundedness.  It’s time to put on the work gloves. Adjust the discernment level on those two things on either side of your head and put a sock in the apparatus located right above your chin.  I don’t know about you, but my work is cut out for me.  I’m listening, are you?

     

(*Dictionary.com)

Author's Note

(I gave credit to Dictionary.com for the definitions I used. Though I still will give credit, It will not appear this way in the book.)

Reviews

[None]

Your book is going to be a true treasure, as is your excerpt here! To know more about you and see how you have faced fears from growing up such a difficult place really makes you an expert here. You are able to advice others through your pain and growth. You soothed my wounds here, Carole! You had me thinking about what holds me back. It's not my upbringing...it was a horrible marriage that involved fear, divorce and ongoing custody battles. I thought after 17 years I was over the trauma but under the band aide is the wound. Facing the reason instead of burying it is a great way to get over it.
You have a beautiful personality and a caring, loving personality and I know that is why God has given you these gifts to share and also through your dedicated writing!! Carole, this is exceptional!!

[Deborah Leah Krempa]

I believe you will have a very inspiring book when finished. Beautifully penned and I can relate very much as a wounded individual as my life has had many bad things happen. I also relate to the flinching and jumping away in fear. Thank you for sharing. Debileah

[Little Mouse]

This is perfection! -:3 )~~~ So glad you sent me the RR, it's been sitting there a long time, but I read it long ago. I knew I'd come back to it. The first time I read it I knew I had much to review on, most likely it brought on many thoughts of my own situations with this. Second time reading it all I come to is: perfection. You know this subject well. Keep writing! Always a pleasure! -:3 )~~~

[Michael X]

there are so many aspects reflecting wisdom in your writing carole, that it's hard to elaborate on a specific
area, in general your words paint a mighty testimonial, and how such life changing events have given
you a depthful perspective, on spirituality, rality, and life in general, the way you turn the negative
intentions of others into positive outlook is encouraging, and leaves me personally in amazement,
no less, your words are food for the hungery souls who thirst for knowledge in relationship to experience
i love the ammount of thought put into the entire form, very nice work carol, it doesn't hold back.

[Mat Woodward]

This sounds a little like an article rather than a book, maybe it is a book of aricles? This was an excellent expose' of woundedness...in particular internal wounding. So many families suffer in todays world as you rightly pointed out. I found this a sensitive piece of writing with the earmarks of profficiency and your research efforts are well shown. All references should be noted.
Good luck with your venture.
Mat.

[Phill Oz O'fee]

The term 'Psychosomatic disorder' is a modern day excuse for disguising the real social problems in this so called 'modern society' of ours and adds further psychological injury to the sufferer. A state of mind characterized by self-doubt and vulnerability, through any form of abuse, can be directly traced to dysfunctional repetitive cultural patterns. It seems we all need to learn some lessons and take responsibility to correct or at least begin to address this societal disease.

I would encourage you to complete this composition in the same fashion as you have started; with factual and testimonial evidence.

Great write!

God's Blessing
Phillozofee

[Brenda Sue]

Very well written. You are so talented and a wonderful writer. This is going to be an excellent book. Great job. Keep up the good work. God bless.

[forfila]

This is brilliant and so true; the superficial wounds tend to be so hard to deal with. You also teach well in this story I think, you awaken a lot of us to human behaviors.
Thank you for sharing this most enlightening piece.

Love
Me

[Dezaraye]

You have a lot of insight and wisdom, Carole. This one hit really close to home for me ... I guess you know that, though, huh? This is very true and informative.

[Phil & Bren's Colla..]

Carole, this is wonderful. Dealing with foster children, I work with woundedness all the time, although I never called it that before. I hope to start the healing before they become adults and hopefully before they become teenagers. This is a wonderful start of a book to help everyone. I love how you added a wise man once told me, this brought the reader more into your writing. Excellent job.

[Valentine]

Carole..I have walked that wounded road and know it takes time and a lifetime to quench it..I found my greatest help was and is my Lord and Savior..Jesus Christ..He is a Healer and one who loves you know matter what your background..Deep write..God bless..Valentine