Taking Off the Mask of Pretense (1)

I wore the Mask of Pretense many years. I never realized how unhappy it was making me not to be able to be myself. When the epiphany finally hit, my life was changed. My hope is that my experience might help someone else...

 

Taking Off the Mask of Pretense

      
I was dog tired of playing everybody’s fool.  Sick and tired of trying to meet everybody and his brother's expectations. Having learned the simple art of people pleasing, I was as skilled at my trait as an artist who hones his skills through oil painting after oil painting and the study of the color wheel and color combinations.  I was a master chameleon. I changed personalities faster than most people change their shoes. I knew how to run with the big dogs and play the snob, or gravel in the dirt like a lowly worm joining in the latest pity party.  If I happened to be conversing with the highly intellectual, I managed to fake it until I made it, pretending I knew what they were talking about, even when I didn't have the slightest clue.  Joke telling was a cinch.  I just smiled and laughed along with the rest of the crowd. I wouldn't have thought of sitting there with a blank stare on my face saying, "I don't understand!"  They would think I was a complete idiot.  Sad to say, I had become a "Fake." 

 

I was deathly afraid of being me.   Petrified that if people really KNEW me that they wouldn't like me or accept me.  I hid behind a mask marked "pretense".    It was all I knew-what I was comfortable with-and I had been doing it for as long as I could remember.  When I finally decided it was time to take off the mask, let down my guard and be who I was created to be, it was long past due.  I found it was way too much work trying to be what "I thought" everyone wanted or expected me to be.  When I got into a situation where I felt compelled to play the game of pretense, weariness quickly began to set in.  I seemed to be more aware of fakery and pretense than ever before. Every where I went, it blatantly stared me in the face:  Fake smiles, fake laughs and striving to be someone or something that quite simply, wasn't.

 

Numerous people in my circle of so-called friends seemed to be hung up on shopping in a select few department stores or living in certain high-end housing developments that they felt to be acceptable, and they didn't make any bones about it.  If you didn't shop in "their stores" or live in "their part of town," you just weren't making the grade. Actions spoke louder than words.  Their body language said it all:  "You shop where?  Well, I would never think of shopping in that store.  It's not the "IN" store.  You live WHERE?  You do KNOW that is not the PRESTIGIOUS part of town, don't you?"  You knew exactly what they were thinking.  You could read it on their faces through their facial expression or by their gestures as they gave you the "EYE" and looked you all over from head to toe with a look of disapproval and subtle disgust.  

 

Couldn't they see the mask of pretense, I wondered?  Wasn't it as apparent to them as it had become to me?  Deep inside, they couldn't possibly be happy, I thought.  I sure wasn't.  It was all one big game and a game I was sick and tired of.

 

Determined to change, I'd made up my mind.  The hammer had come down:  "Enough is enough,” I said emphatically.  “I can't go on living this lie!"

 

A glorious day of transformation happened the day I began taking steps towards being "Me" regardless of the sneers and lofty looks!  Freedom had come.  The striving had ceased. I made a steadfast determination to be myself wherever I went and no matter what kind of people I was with.  If anyone asked me where I lived, I answered proudly and confidently, not moved by their opinions or sigh.  If asked where I'd purchased something I was wearing, whether from the expensive department store, Wal mart, or Tar(jay)-(Target), or another store I frequented, I confidently answered with the truth.   I was no longer worried about what they thought of me.  You see, my self worth was no longer wrapped up in where I lived or where I shopped. Neither of those things made me who I am today.  Beauty and confidence come from the internal, not the external. 

 

When the epiphany finally hit, it was revolutionary. I have more peace now than I ever thought possible.  Did you just hear that pin drop? I don't spend a whole lot of time worrying about whether or not people like me.  The law of averages say, some will and some won't.  It's all a part of life.  True friends accept us for who we are--lock, stock and barrel.  I've made up my mind, if they don't fit that category, they will find their circle.  After all, birds of a feather flock together. 

 

Author's Note

I used a lot of cliches' in this. Do they add to or take away from the piece? ***For the experienced writers: Are they always taboo? Your thoughts would be appreciated.

Reviews

[None]

Be yourself always, you are beautiful. I was always an outcast for it but I see now that I've bee set apart. Snobs are never happy with anyone else than themselves anyway. I really like how you expressed your story just how it is. An honest story which shows us that we are allowed to experience these things for a reason--then we know how it feels and will never the same to anyone else. I think we all have choices. We can run with the crowd or be a light and stand alone shining.

[Yvonne Heidt]

I was a master chameleon. I changed personalities faster than most people change their shoes. I knew how to run with the big dogs and play the snob, or grovel in the dirt like a lowly worm joining in the latest pity party...

THIS IS GREAT! I thought I was unique! LOL -

Exhausting - wasn't it? AND we didn't even get paid for it. Sometimes I think I should have gone to Hollywood and given Meryl Street a run for her money...

Your use of cliche's in this piece are warranted - I don't feel that they in any way took away from the importance of the story.

Excellent job, Carole. Very uplifting.

[Bubo]

Very honest write and well done you for taking that path to just being you, I think we all
tend to hide behind a mask at times, for many reasons...........and strenght gives us courage to be
who we really are.............really enjoyed this my friend.

[Beautifully Tragic xPoe..]

Nicely written, so true. Great Story.

[An Ordinary Woman]

Carole, ((((hugs))))

This really makes sense to me, especially now. I'm excited to read it but I wanted to say sorry for taking this long to get here. I should have been here sooner and wish I had been. I'm sorry.

I am proud of you for this and you know I get it and understand in a deeply profound way. I know it from both sides of the fence, actually.

I'm not really shy but can be almost timid sometimes. It's something I detest about myself and do everything in the world to cover it up or yes even fake it. I do think it was borne from my past and possibly played a role in my past being the way it was. I think one played into the other, at least that is what I believe at present but I didn't always realize that. It took me a while. Something like forty some years. LOL Unfortunately I would often over-talk in my nervousness and have had ppl tell me they think I'm outspoken. I had no idea I came off as that way and I have to keep a cap on that but look at me talking, talking, talking again....

The type of ppl you refer to in this write use to be one of the types that I cowered next to but not anymore. More often than not I see through their facade (sic?) and realize mostly what they have is in their pocket book and when it comes to matters of the heart they are clueless. When ya think of it that way they aren't nearly so intimidating and I can find a middle ground there.

Excellent points Carole and I'm glad I finally made me way here.

I love you, Lady!!

[Brenda Sue]

Oh Carole, I like it very much. Very well written and so true. Wonderful write.

[J. Hampton]

Glad to see you stayed Carole

What better way to embellish a write about being caught up in the day to day, and straight up fronting !
Cliche's are as predictable and un original as we are at times.They have a time and a place
We all at one time or another have been in a silly-putty phase ...
The last few lines bring this to a pround point and I love it !

The ((( TRUTH ))) Will set you free ...!

Blessssssssss

Blessssssss

[Genie]

Wow, Carole -- thanks so much for sending this to me! Power to you, GF! Truth and determination ring out with every one of your words. I didn't even notice cliches, so somehow you even managed to make them invisble -- or, better, fit perfectly.

Thank you for sharing your coming into the fullness of your being!

[Tina-Sue]

What a beautiful piece. I loved the way you set this up, from the beginning of living in pretense to stripping it all away and letting your true self emerge.

I think the cliches work here. I didn't find them distracting or overbearing. I thought they brought some lightness into the piece.
In my opinion, I think its how you use them, in this piece, as you are talking about pretense and touching on sameness, in some ways the cliches, add a touch of irony.

Great read, thanks for sharing.

[T. L. O'Neal]

A gutsy story to write and if you can't be true to yourself, who can you be true to? It seems that there are so many people that try to be something they're not, whether for one reason or another. Great message, be the real you and celebrate it, that will weed out the real from the phony friends quicker than anything. Wonderful write. T