Taking Off the Mask of Pretense (1)

I wore the Mask of Pretense many years. I never realized how unhappy it was making me not to be able to be myself. When the epiphany finally hit, my life was changed. My hope is that my experience might help someone else...

 

Taking Off the Mask of Pretense

      
I was dog tired of playing everybody’s fool.  Sick and tired of trying to meet everybody and his brother's expectations. Having learned the simple art of people pleasing, I was as skilled at my trait as an artist who hones his skills through oil painting after oil painting and the study of the color wheel and color combinations.  I was a master chameleon. I changed personalities faster than most people change their shoes. I knew how to run with the big dogs and play the snob, or gravel in the dirt like a lowly worm joining in the latest pity party.  If I happened to be conversing with the highly intellectual, I managed to fake it until I made it, pretending I knew what they were talking about, even when I didn't have the slightest clue.  Joke telling was a cinch.  I just smiled and laughed along with the rest of the crowd. I wouldn't have thought of sitting there with a blank stare on my face saying, "I don't understand!"  They would think I was a complete idiot.  Sad to say, I had become a "Fake." 

 

I was deathly afraid of being me.   Petrified that if people really KNEW me that they wouldn't like me or accept me.  I hid behind a mask marked "pretense".    It was all I knew-what I was comfortable with-and I had been doing it for as long as I could remember.  When I finally decided it was time to take off the mask, let down my guard and be who I was created to be, it was long past due.  I found it was way too much work trying to be what "I thought" everyone wanted or expected me to be.  When I got into a situation where I felt compelled to play the game of pretense, weariness quickly began to set in.  I seemed to be more aware of fakery and pretense than ever before. Every where I went, it blatantly stared me in the face:  Fake smiles, fake laughs and striving to be someone or something that quite simply, wasn't.

 

Numerous people in my circle of so-called friends seemed to be hung up on shopping in a select few department stores or living in certain high-end housing developments that they felt to be acceptable, and they didn't make any bones about it.  If you didn't shop in "their stores" or live in "their part of town," you just weren't making the grade. Actions spoke louder than words.  Their body language said it all:  "You shop where?  Well, I would never think of shopping in that store.  It's not the "IN" store.  You live WHERE?  You do KNOW that is not the PRESTIGIOUS part of town, don't you?"  You knew exactly what they were thinking.  You could read it on their faces through their facial expression or by their gestures as they gave you the "EYE" and looked you all over from head to toe with a look of disapproval and subtle disgust.  

 

Couldn't they see the mask of pretense, I wondered?  Wasn't it as apparent to them as it had become to me?  Deep inside, they couldn't possibly be happy, I thought.  I sure wasn't.  It was all one big game and a game I was sick and tired of.

 

Determined to change, I'd made up my mind.  The hammer had come down:  "Enough is enough,” I said emphatically.  “I can't go on living this lie!"

 

A glorious day of transformation happened the day I began taking steps towards being "Me" regardless of the sneers and lofty looks!  Freedom had come.  The striving had ceased. I made a steadfast determination to be myself wherever I went and no matter what kind of people I was with.  If anyone asked me where I lived, I answered proudly and confidently, not moved by their opinions or sigh.  If asked where I'd purchased something I was wearing, whether from the expensive department store, Wal mart, or Tar(jay)-(Target), or another store I frequented, I confidently answered with the truth.   I was no longer worried about what they thought of me.  You see, my self worth was no longer wrapped up in where I lived or where I shopped. Neither of those things made me who I am today.  Beauty and confidence come from the internal, not the external. 

 

When the epiphany finally hit, it was revolutionary. I have more peace now than I ever thought possible.  Did you just hear that pin drop? I don't spend a whole lot of time worrying about whether or not people like me.  The law of averages say, some will and some won't.  It's all a part of life.  True friends accept us for who we are--lock, stock and barrel.  I've made up my mind, if they don't fit that category, they will find their circle.  After all, birds of a feather flock together. 

 

Author's Note

I used a lot of cliches' in this. Do they add to or take away from the piece? ***For the experienced writers: Are they always taboo? Your thoughts would be appreciated.

Reviews

[None]

Be yourself always, you are beautiful. I was always an outcast for it but I see now that I've bee set apart. Snobs are never happy with anyone else than themselves anyway. I really like how you expressed your story just how it is. An honest story which shows us that we are allowed to experience these things for a reason--then we know how it feels and will never the same to anyone else. I think we all have choices. We can run with the crowd or be a light and stand alone shining.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

Personally, I shop at the Goodwill Store a lot where I can find some great bargains! And I buy used books from the local library. I just bought a new copy of The Gold Coast by Nelson DeMille which I am currently reading and it is fabulous. I think its a crying shame trying to live up to the expectatios of others because then you never have the time to find yourself or the things that make YOU happy. I really loved this piece. It was full of insight and very well written. Thank you for writing it! I think many of the cliche's are apropos to the piece because being cliche' is what the piece is about isn't it? lol

[Imperfection]

I was never good at making friends so I wanted to keep the ones that I made. For this, I had to behave in an 'acceptable' manner. I lived through some of my years liking things that I was supposed to like, hating things that my 'friends' hated...

But I'm glad I got over that phase pretty fast. I have now learned to value myself and my opinions more than society's opinions about me.

I enjoyed reading through this piece .It reminded me of that time of my life. It's behind me and it's never going to come back again.

[Rain]

NO, Cliches for this piece are "perfect". It is, after all, a cliche world you were engulfed in. I was mezmerized reading this, with the insight, the self effacing cleansing. I absolutely loved it, because of the countless people caught in the same web you had the courage to break away from. This was an amazing write, and should be required reading at Tiffany's. :) Bravo!! Rain..

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

Absolutely a beautiful transformation explained here. Adatly worded and described. A true friend will stick with you no matter what then there are those that are fair-weather friends that only stick around if everything is going THEIR way. I hope that you have found peace and happiness in your new world of the true you. Thank you for writing this - it is a wonderful, honest story.
Light,
Siddartha

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

I like cliches added into stories , tome makes it more relatable as we have heard them and they fit in this story..
I have been in the same situations ... not a good place.. so glad you got tired of 'being fake'..

Chloe
xoxo

You sure are not fake today!!

[Debra Stevens Edwards (..]

I think that cliches' are fine and If you like them that is all that matters something that alot of people don't
realize about my writting is That my target is ordinary people who often don't know much about poetry or think it is too hard to understand. Cliches' are cliches' because most people like and understand them. I know I do. Great write.
Hugs Debby

[Valentine]

I do not know how all writers think but this tells a lot just the way it is..I can relate to this as I am a writer and am not out to impress anyone by the way I dress or the way I wear my hair or make up etc..I am from a family of 9 children some who have made it more of less to the top of their profession..Others have not been so lucky..I hang around with the haves and the have nots, couldn't care less..I like honesty first in a friend not a phoney response to everything about them..I can walk in Macys or General Dollar and see the Cadillacs set out at each store...things are bad in America right now so we all just need to pull together get behind our new government [vote] and try not to become a third world nation if we aren't all ready..God bless...Valentine

[Phill Oz O'fee]

Another word for pretence is deception; the act of convincing another or even yourself, to believe information that is not factual, to be the truth. It's not all our fault, as peer pressure when younger, can get us into the 'habit' of wearing a mask.

Your testimony is a poignant reminder, of how surrendering our individuality, for the sake of popularity, can be so destructive.

A great write, a wonderful share and an applauding turn around of personal circumstance.

Good on you!

God's Blessing
Phillozofee

[BrightEyes]

I don't think cliches are always taboo, sometimes they fit. I rather liked the one at the end "birds of a feather" as it fit with what was said before it. while some cliches are alluded too throughout, I didn't see that a whole lot were quoted word for word except for the one at the end. (if they were, I must be more tired than I thought, cuz I missed them even with two reads lol). I liked this write a lot - my teenage girl has some problems in this area - me - I couldn't care less - I buy stuff at thrift stores and proudly state I paid 50 cents for my whole outfit lol.

laura

[.]

LoL!! *Stands and applauds*!! Absolutely awesome piece of magnificence!! Im so glad that u have taken that other 'self' road, and now u can be ur true self again. It's true, too. It's more peaceful, and more satisfying hehe. That, itself, makes u look even richer. As Molly Brown once said, "I mean more to me than I mean to anybody else!" lol. Wonderful story hun!

Mikey