Unfninished

Hey i commenced writing this and was wondering whether i should turn this into a story , does it have potential? let me know. thanks.

Hey there little fellow; what's your name? “I’m a squirrel;  I do not have a name, what isss such a thing as a name?”  Well, a name is a chain to keep you in the game I say, is it not odd that you act in this way.   “Such a question to ask my friend, for what is odd and what is not? You have much to learn I can see in your persistent ways, if you wish, follow my lead to a place of rhetorical amaze.”

So, I did so, and the squirrel led me astray. Through a valley of whispering critters whose eyes I could only see. As their positions fluctuated and appropriated their images became impossible to conceive.  The squirrel hopped and flopped as merry as could be, though still I wondered where he was taking me. Perhaps a friend to see,  or a town of his to be mine well greeted. It was all a mystery to me and soon to be discovered convieniently. 

We stopped for a moment so I could tie my shoe, as the travel had weakened my stitched up shoe.  I looked up from a period of one and the squirrel had vanished, where had he gone?  I called his name again and over, though I suppose he did not answer, as he was a free mammal with no name at all. I remember him telling me we were almost there, but where…which direction was I to compare?

 I chose the straight and narrow path as it seemed likely that he was there last.  I hustled my way through as the dark was certainly rolling in, then the sounds started to creep up upon my skin. The hairs on my arms rose to full length, straightened I stopped like a statue to assume it was he. Hello I cried into the dimming light…but no answer, still the chatter and rustling wiggled my mind. Oh no I thought was I being led to a rasp, to be ambushed and killed not a moment to last?  I remained cool and calm on the outer edge,  though underneath my body trembled and suffered a great fear of death.  Then the silence started and out of the wind came a figure, a women with a wand and her hand held out beneath her.

 I was unsure this collage of beauty was real and indeed serene. So I asked her a question in which she seemed disbelieved.  My fairest figure have you seen a little brown squirrel run past this way. She stayed still and did not force a smile. “A squirrel you say, no, not this way.” But he must have, ohhh where has he gone! “I’m afraid I cannot help you find your friend, though you must come with me or it will be your end. There are critters amongst you who dislike your presence, you should hurry this way or they will feast on your negligence. She seemed convincing so I accepted her kindness to save me of this fear.  I attached my hand to hers and we echoed past trees of green and floated over ponds of water with pedals of past flowers floating amongst the buzzing insects. 

We reached a gate guarded by two men with spears, at least taller by a head although it appeared.  Each grabbed a side and opened the gate, not even a question or decision to litigate.  What occurred next I thought only in my dreams. The images grew as we walked straight in, and the women vanished as the squirrel once did.  Though I did not care, as I was possessed by the view that had taken place of a distant disgrace.  I feasted my eyes on the array of events, only that of a dreamland was sure to represent. Does were in the meadow, playing with their kids and practicing the cello. The hills were vast filled with placid green, flowers danced on the hills with smiles lasting in the cool breeze, even cute little furies scattered at my feet to see who I may be. My mouth widened and a sudden smile cultivated.  I was in a perfect world where nothing was hated.  The birds floated and fell,  then picked up again in the slight breeze held.  Groundhogs and friendly gophers walked the earth and never buried within.  Trees of fruit and gardens of green filled the land besides the animals it seemed.  Cherries and plums, strawberries and oranges were immensely abundant for the viewing extortions. At last the sun filled the background of this mesmerising sight and the rays projected heat the warm all into the night.

Still I stood in my position first had, I had not inched for I was taken in first hand.  I noticed a path when my awareness slipped up a level, a path; it seemed to lead over the hill bubble. I let a magic breathe that dwelled in my chest exert its glory and caress the best. I rose to my feet which felt like an eternity.  As I began to walk, I felt a peculiar feeling, something I had never even dreamed of being.  My eyes became focused and my brain became lean, I felt as if I was an intelligent human being.  Though this may be the case, my ears certainly perked up and shapes attempted to form from the sounds I explored. Oh lord the colors became crisp and everything was lit, was I perhaps in a child’s first myth? This feeling overwhelmed me, I had to stop and sit, and I circled my viewpoint as everything was taken in.

I attempted to walk again though my motor skills were not okay, my mind was definitely astray, and I could not stay in a proper line on the path I was confined. I suppose this was the journeys beginning as everything became clear yet so weird.  So I strolled down the path I once found, on the way admiring the creatures at play. The hill was nearing its end, to descend into the unknown valley of green, where there may be a squirrel or a fair woman awaiting my adversity.

Author's Note

Ignore grammar punctuation and spelling. what do you think of this should i turn into a story?

Reviews

[Nautili]

loved it! i tried the same technique of internal rhyme in The speaker, the scoffer, the seeker... and also in My merry maid and me, but not to as great of an extent...it gives it an olde-world feel. i never saw the same technique used before... it was fun and a nice surprise to see it here.

[Emily B]

it's a dream . . . or a poem . . . but definitely more than a story :)

[Perdition]

Great potential..It is the journey into the awareness of our inner noise..Of the release of reason into the infinite...the pure consciousness of subconsciousness.
I love the representations....The guarded gate....that matrix within,...the squirrel without need of name..Our own curious understanding and how quickly it disappears when our eyes open and we ask the forgotten questions....A wonderful journey!

[Scene, not herd]

This is definitely a very novel approach. This was written in a very unconventional style, and I loved the idea of incorporating poetry into the story's prose. An intriguing read, although it is a little hard to follow due to the lilting style of the writing.