A short story by Chris Holmberg.
Incomplete...
Dragged through the dirt and muffled by the sound of higher being, my life was never ordinary; I was nothing but a drowned soul in a world full of endless poison rain. My reflections haunted me; my mirrors became a daily routine, one that I never quite look forward to in all sincerity. I had cultivated a disease, a disease without a cure. My intent for such a condition was to free myself from the rustic shackles that were cutting my arms and mind deep, every time I tried to break free of what had bounded me. Though, my being was so insecure and fragile among the living; my mind was a wealthy container retaining much in the interest of truth and beauty. I had not forgotten who I was and where I came from. My mother and my father portrayed my future to be great, ever since my birth they leaned towards my every move. If I were to attempt a worthy escape from the encompassing boredom, my restrictions were to be improved. Therefore, after time, my attempts for freedom and life spiralled into a box, a box with no holes; no light; nothing but my dark insight and me. Tiresome I grew, my branches sometimes felt too wide for me to walk, even for me to pass by a stranger without receiving and awkward eye. Though somehow I knew I must press on, for in this blind mind, the weakness must die and reborn I shall be.
It was months past before I found step in my walk; for some time I had no strength; even the vile breathe from my fathers trap, netted my body and weakened my heart. I had no desire to live at these times, though this day was a change in behaviour; my figure seemed of higher capabilities; things were different at this time. I gained feeling, I felt confident; I was indeed a machine with extraordinary powers given from the world around me it felt. Some mornings I would invite myself to my parent’s lounge where they would often read books and sip on red wine in the evenings of relaxation. They never thought much of my change in behaviour though it must have been due to my ability to hide such a change. I felt if I were to convey what my inner heart felt they would be confused or rehabilitated to my new way. Funny thing I know, but if they were to find out I would be sliced from the family photo and never again to be brought into their life; I would be expelled from all activities all invitations and all gatherings. To illustrate what was contained in my inner workings, would be the death of me; and I could not afford to lose what I loved most no matter how belligerent I was towards my parents.
In the hollowed out town of where I reside, their lived a boy and this boy was Matt. Yes, this boy was I and you see I am even almost reluctant to induce my own name in my own story but then again my name provides you with little to recognise who I truly may be. This at least leaves me some substantial comfort I presume. However, this town was not a delightful place to live for individuals such as you. The rivers run deep with blood, from the awful and always constant depressive state these townspeople live in; and the trees barked evil out of their falling leafs to scare you away from the nature, from the beauty the earth holds. This town was a secluded community none the less and my parents had been forced into such conditions from hereditary likings. If I had a choice, I would have never taken the foul opportunity of dwelling in that hole of shame. Before I carry on with this drivel I will exact my words to brighten your understanding of where and what I come from. The year is 3013; the earth has reached its end twice repeated, in the same fashion, in equal disaster. Only a surviving few were to live on in the dreadful world of fire and lakes of oil. Humanity has recovered by this time, but the past blow was received in full swing; it is remarkable that people even exist to this day. Now to my point, my family belongs to a private community consisting of the chemically altered, this meaning the clinically depressed. You see all people were being sectioned off according to their mental makeup; apparently, authority believes this to be life changing and with such a transition to this state well continue to hold peace within the world. The extroverted society belongs to the western front, while the introverts reside along the eastern wall. Along these lines live people with mental disorders, heightened IQ’s, dimmed minds, extravagant artists, beloved musicians and actors with personalities that shine. There was a tract for anyone of these types, but no other if you did not belong proper. I unfortunately, along with my parents belong to the genetically depressed society; I assure you it becomes very much more depressing as time goes on ; and as I grow older I cannot see how this instalment improves ones mental health; I suppose the authority had a clear vision of what was to be okay in their minds. The control the people had over such a ruling depleted as the years persisted to rise. My eyes would tear for my soul every each day and I begun to wonder when it would all end again. Now you see why a poor little fellow like me cannot show his altered being; as to change in a lifetime, is a sin against humanity; in conclusion, my existence dies.
Now my parents hated the thought that I vision a happier time in history where all humans were equal; where all beings breathed the same air, tasted the same energy and lived an equivalent life. I would sometimes let my newer personality slip out my veins and it would rupture the outer frame of parent’s delicate minds. Still they never questioned my behaviour for there state was too unimpressed with what was happening around them. Therefore, when I confined myself to my dull and dreary room I let my self explode; I would create. Pictures I drew were stored in my hidden compartment, a secret hole in my closet floor filled with hundreds of compositions, pictures, paintings, nature, art, and books. This was how I escaped the dampened lifestyle that so many prisoners among me had to endure. In these writing and pictures, I would draw what my mind compelled me to; I let my inner works shine on the paper I could find. Often I would hear my parents yell from the bottom of the home, their voices caught me in a lie; I struggled immediately to hide what I had grew to love most; my work. Inches before capture, they would shove open my door without a clue in their minds as to what I had done; at that instance my personality was forced to change overriding all feeling to stay the same, I had too.
Soon my life was outlined with highlighter; I was a model child morphing into the physical form of a man. Nineteen going on twenty and my identity was still yet to be found under the grey leafs; full of color and creative virtue. In this cold winter I would sneak out late at night through my bedroom window, I would cast my shadow past the security light and morph into the darkness of the tree line behind my apathetic home. I had lost all insight and was now in search of a new knowledge; a new form of understanding, I needed new meaning in my life. I would commence running once I past the river, I would have to slowly inch my way over the mossy log that led me to freedom; the other side , that’s right the side of the extroverted society, where life was much more vibrant and happiness flourished amongst the air. Every night this would occur at the exact minute my parents would drift off into their haunting sleep; where I am sure their dreams corrupted their minds even further into a depressed state. One night I traveled further than I had ever gone before; I knew this because my legs grew tired, this was unlikely of my body to breakdown in part, as I reached my goal. Perhaps it was a sign, telling me to go back that night; whispering in my ear that I had traveled to far; though my heart said otherwise of course, I carried on into the darkness, beginning to dismay into bright life.
I had never really given much thought to what would happen if I were to be caught behind enemy lines, so to speak. My mentality had evolved to quick, I no longer feared that of authority, I had admitted to myself long ago that life was nothing, it was merely a dream and I was not scared of death from that point on. Though this may had been the case, my physical attributes certainly did not agree and showed much difference in opinion as sweat dropped from my forehead in an attempt to trigger my mind and steer me back to where I belonged. There was no changing my decision, I had made up my heart and my mind; ready to embark upon a journey that was very dangerous indeed.
An open field led me straight to a tiny village where I could hear violins and classical guitars speaking with emotion. It was unlike anything I had ever heard before, nothing compared to the classical Beethoven and Mozart my parents cased at home. This was magical; it brought happiness to my eyes my ears and my heart. I could feel for once; I was determined to find this lovely sound and converse with the individuals nearby. It was still dark of course and light was not near to my being, so I progressed my journey along the cobble stoned streets with much time to enjoy before I had to complete my retreat to hell; I mean home. Up and down these town roads, echoes of silence filled my ears, but still the faint sound of enchanting music beckoned me forward; finally, I found my peace. I opened my eyes it seemed to a beautiful state, what I had set out to find was a beautiful girl wearing a colourful dress mixed with flowers of the sort and stripes to fill the picture. Her hair flowed in the wind and sent a scent towards my nose where instantly upon impact my heart felt love for the first time. I tried to refrain myself from intruding on her creative experiment, and I did. It seemed an hour had past before she laid her violin down to rest among the carpeted floor. She turned swiftly from her position in a beautifully carved chair, and smiled at me with much desire in her eyes to talk. I tried to find words as I pressed off against the wooden pole I had gazed from for so long but I could not, it was as if time had stood still, nothing mattered but her and the silence I possessed. I was grateful for her to summon words from my mouth as she whispered in a beautiful tone, “hello stranger, do you always sneak up behind defenceless girls in the night or was this a rare occasion for you?” I awkwardly found my voice again and I muttered what I thought to be quite clever at the time “umm no miss, I was simply just admiring your music from afar, a rare occasion this is though I didn’t want to interfere with your expression, I apologise. She smiled slightly and began to walk calmly towards me, oh how my stomach fluttered; I was in heaven, if there is to be such a thing. She approached me politely and unstrung her words slowly “so what is a boy like you doing out at such an hour of the night, and did you at least fancy my composition?” This type of contact threw me off a little but I answered almost immediately. “well you see I was in bed and this beautiful noise filled my room , I could no longer sleep you see, so I ventured out willingly and spotted the location from which this music began, and their among the beauty of the music was a beautiful girl. So without convincing I stayed to listen.” Very surprised her mouth widened as if speechless and her eyebrows lifted to the heavens it seemed. I quickly said a word “I’m terribly sorry if I have imposed my self, I well surely get out of your way and be gone.” She answered happily, “Well I must say I’m quite impressed by your innocent charm and surprised at how differently you act, you are unlike any other guy I’ve met in these parts”. Afraid I was to show my identity so I quickly acted and told her I was from around this area and that I was home schooled most of my life so I was never able to participate in daytime activities or night time strolls. It was of course a sudden lie I brewed in my mind and I was not very convinced myself to believe what I had just said. She gave me a mildly sarcastic look and stared down from head to toe and up again. I was not quite sure where this conversation was going to end up but suddenly she piped up and said, “Well I must go off to bed, it was a pleasure meeting you…” “Matt” I said abruptly “ok then matt when can I see you again, perhaps we could get together another night and celebrate life below the stars”. Without hesitation, my eyes, they expanded greatly and I insisted I come back the next night to come. This seemed a fair idea to her and we began to part ways. As I started to walk back home I remembered not a name, not a name at all. I ran as fast as I could to the direction she fled, I was in luck as she was just opening the door to her wonderful home. “Wait!” I yelled, “I forgot to grab your name” “she replied with “Gabby” and a smile arose from both faces a familiar site for her, but for me new and rewarding. “Gabby” I said to myself “that’s a beautiful name you have, I well see you tomorrow” she laughed and said goodbye and I headed west to my town of decaying souls. Past the mossy log and the troubled river, back through my window, I poured myself in and stumbled into my bed with my arms and legs spread as wide as the flowers end. I had met someone of a like mind, someone of value and real life; a profound smile shattered my ceiling as I drifted off into a delicate dream of the new world I had found.
It had been many a night passed and many visits too my friend gabby before I fell in love. From what I thought at first site was love, was not, this love that had grown like a seed into something larger and entirely different. She occupied my mind at all times; Not a day flew by without a complex thought of her simple beauty; she had penetrated my heart and I was under her innocent spell, it was wonderful. I often dreamt of her and I floating in an endless space, flying, hovering over nothing. It was just her and I in the blackness surrounding our consolidated hearts. With arms in a gentle lock, together we were invincible, our eyes never parted ; this was a preferred state for me; sometimes I would come back to this dream to heal myself when times were hard and I was alone without her.
Life in my town during the day continued to be mundane as always and my parents were aging rapidly due to their dreadful condition. I would try now and again to enlighten them and convince them of a happier life, though they continued to resent such idea and again, an advance in my thought would surely sparkle my new mentality. It was one night in spring I was anxious to go meet my beautiful gabby, I waited and waited for my parents to succumb to their dreams and fall into nothingness. Unfortunately, the worst occurred and two very angry parents suddenly startled me. I was dragged by my father to the kitchen where they began to interrogate me , this was it , I thought my life was about to end; I would be disowned and given to the authorities. They confronted me with a box, a box very similar to the likes of mine. I knew what was inside, inside was my new life that I had kept hidden safely for too long. My lord I said, please send an angel to my door, save me now. At that, exact moment not any later an angel formed out of the dark mist the rain presented outside of the window behind my parents. My face lit up as it was Gabby, she looked quite concerned, how she found me I did not know, I was eager to find out. The moment I heard a knock on the door, my parents stormed to meet the “stranger”; at this point, I took the opportunity to sprint for my freedom. To my room I ran and I exited my window faster than I ever had. It was below, Gabby, waiting for me, on her back a backpack, not very large but oddly enough a backpack. Before I greeted her with word, she attacked my face and followed through with a passionate kiss that filled my every pore with love. We had never kissed before, and really, this did not seem an appropriate time to do so, but I embraced it none the less and cherished it for all I could. Her magic lips let go and subsequently told me to follow her. I was not about to question her ideals so I raced with her across the mossy log and the river of blood. My parents had not one idea as to where I had gone so suddenly. Me and gabby reached a point in the forest and again without the blink of an eye she positioned me against a tree and this time slowly her lips rained down upon my own. I felt able to contribute much more to this kiss, I felt real as she let go and our eyes met. Time seemed to be at a remote standstill; my eyes would reach for the midnight sky and many a moons would pass, with the wave of a star fluttering about in the pool of sanctioned divinity. We sat down on a soft blanket Gabby had brought with her and talked for quite a while; suddenly she confessed everything she knew. Gabby had known my secret from the beginning, she knew I was not of her kind; though she knew I had changed and was finally of hers, this did not. This pained me deep; I felt as if I had been lying to her for so long. With much discourse, it came to an end. With a quick change of mind we both acknowledged it was ill for us to continue this down this gorgeous path., I stood up fast and stated I would never trouble her again, and that I would never cross the river to see her once more.
She understood completely; I wish she had not. Tears swarmed both our cheeks as we had a final hug goodbye, this was it; I was on my way home to accept destined fate. My heart felt faint as I turned to the awful picture of that which was not her; she was gone, and every bone is my body ached, as they knew this was the end of something great. I dropped to my knees and begged for forgiveness from the gods, I had not one drop of energy left in my body; I pounded the last of it into the ground with my dieing fists. I had to accept what was to come, so I forced myself to my feet, lifted my chin and drove onward to the river. Dreadful thoughts provoked my mind, but it was too late the river was calling me. I began my decent down the mossy log with images of my past home in mind, I stopped to ponder my situation once more. A dormant feeling of depression suddenly engulfed my being, where was this feeling hiding; I knew not anymore how to rid of such horrible pain. At that precise moment, I slipped on the moss of the log that towered the river of blood. My hands held tightly along a branch that was soon to snap; I felt no fear of dieing still as my legs dangled in the void of darkness, and then soon light entered my field of vision. For a brief minute, I thought I had delivered myself to a heaven, and questioned how I could have been so stupid as to fall on the log I so often crossed. However, the light was not that of heaven, my parents had found me, with them two authoritive figures holding flashlights to blind my vision. They screamed give me your hand son, but something happened to me, something changed in my thought; survival was not what I wanted at this moment. Freedom was what I wanted; it was what I had wanted for so long. Meeting Gabby was the only taste I ever received, and soon it dissolved into nothing but a dream; what life to me really was. A dream of something so real, it seemed to be, how I carried on for so long in this state of being I haven’t a clue , my time was up , and freedom was soon to be mine, through the only way I knew how; death. When the figure of my imagination kneeled to my company, I embraced death and submitted to my freedom. In limited time I vanished from the world and the man who reached to save me; I was gone.
Blackness overwhelmed me by this time, my dear friends, I had gone but I assure you free at last I was; I was in a better place now; my troubles were far gone. My eyes closed but finally I had found eternal peace. As I drifted further into darkness, I attempted a yell at humanity, I cried the last of my soul out upon the world but it seemed to do virtually nothing. Everything I had ever felt or ever known slowly decreased, it all slowly evaporated into the air to mix with the lost spirits I was soon to join. I had little to no regret of my fallen life; my destiny proved me wrong, I had overcome the odds and created something more beautiful, something serene and impossible to beat. I felt a final tear depart from my vacant body, as I drift down the river; my tears mixed with the clear sounded waters; my mark remains forever in this body. The clouds surrounded my released soul and the dream I dreamt so often repeated to sustain my freedom. I was in paradise at last and no one could interfere with what I had manifested. I had learnt that in life, you must not strive to be successful, but to be of value, and I think that in the last of my life, I accomplished such a goal. I had left my seed in a corrupt world with thy beautiful Gabby, to alter the future we set out to do. In nine months time, the lines were crossed nine months prior deliverance, by a man and women with a common vision to create life, consisting of both mentalities. When the time comes Gabby’s secret and mine will storm the world god speed, and the inconvenience in society well disappear because of our deed. With her name grounded, I shall be alive; forever changing the future, and the time I will always see clearly. I love you Gabby and baby, forever.
That's it for now. let me know how you feel to this.
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