Bigger than God

Dealing with inner conflict, the only way I know how. Writing it out.

There was a time the sun and moon set in your eyes.

I knew nothing but you.

You made me bigger than life.

          You were bigger than God.

And the pain you gave me

     That was just a part of life.

For the love you gave me

Couldn’t possibly be better

          Anywhere else.

But time has a funny way

Of taking the pain we’ve blinded ourselves to

     Making it real,

          Making us see what is really there

               Instead of what we tried so desperately to make of it.

 

I had to leave you.

 

My whole world shattered.

You had created me

     Molded me

          Raised me up

     And tore me down.

I wasn’t sure if I could stand without you.

And even when I thought I could

It was a man that didn’t even believe in God

Who pointed out to me

That I had made you

          Bigger than God.

 

Lightyears away from you,

There are still times when the anger returns

     When my fists are in my eyes

          And my tears are in my throat

               When my heart feels like it could shrink to nothing

          From the very fear of just the thought of you.

     And you are bigger than God.

Love turned to hate turned to fear turned to indifference

          Turned to fear.

I’ve forgiven your sins against me.

I’ve learned to stand on my own.

I’ve become something when you said I’d be nothing.

          But still

Knowing that I will face you again

Paralyzes me.

And because I’ve made you bigger than God

                         I wonder if God is really there at all.

Reviews

[Antonio Valentino]

Love, is trust, and when it's broken so goes our spirit into a million little pieces.
I know you have some of those pieces left Autumn, I can feel them
every time I read something you've written. Take what you have left and don't
Let anyone stop you from doing what you have to do, for you, and yours.

I just know that it's all going to work out for you.
Good things, should always happen, to good people.

[Emily Elizabeth]

Wow, a very very poignant poem. The ending is just perfect. This poem is just perfect. I can't think of anything to say because this poem is just so right. You have written it perfectly and the ending is probably one if not the most powerful endings to a poem I have even read.

[darkgurl]

I can so relate to this, such raw full feelings in this write, very well written, you are very poetic.

[Kaye]

I can definitly relate to that.
I really liked the sort of raw and hurt style the poem is written in. There are certain points that sort of jut out to me in the poem like a sob through tears or something like that.
Good luck to you, and stay strong! I know writing is the best medicine and I hope it turns out to be the cure for you as well.

[Murphy]

You made me bigger than life. You were bigger than God... this sets the premise early on, bringing the rest of the poem into focus. These two lines are symmetrical... balanced.

That being said, one small adjustment you may consider is to the following lines:

There are still times when the anger returns
When (vs. And) my fists are in my eyes
And my tears are in my throat
When (vs. And) my heart feels like it could shrink to nothing

Small potatoes, really... it would just stagger your use of the word "And".
This is a BIG poem with a whole lot of feeling. Keep up the good work!