Small

I am but a small grain of sand

Lying in a deep cave

Under a vast ocean

That rises and falls

By the power of the moon

That shines brightly in the night

Over rippling waves

In a cloudless sky

That covers the earth

In a mighty universe

Of a vast galaxy

That resides in the very left corner

Of your lovely heart.

Reviews

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This is heavy, I like it. The imagery here is beautiful, yet meaningful in its use of language to relay a sense of literal, suppressive weight on the body, thus, drowning. The layering in this is a magnificent, complex-way to slowly deepen this sentiment. You can almost see a camera, projecting the grain of sand, zooming out to a cave, zooming out to view the ocean, etc. This imagery really emphasizes the "desperation of drowning" and it flies beyond a "shallow" suffocation, but a hopeless, complete-inundation of the human body . Something more complex. This is really cool.

I am but a small grain of sand

Lying in a deep cave

Under a vast ocean
-- these first three lines are in a truly perfect place. The reader already feels a genuine "insignificance" in these lines. This, in itself sums up the title. I really like it. The words are simple and perfectly-descriptive, but perhaps they could use a little "something special" or to quote my favorite reviewer , "could use some spice". Maybe, a few verb changes that could gr eaten the sentiment. Instead of being "under a vast ocean", the word "under" could be changed to something a little less generic, and all together expressive. This is a small personal preference. Please, do not alter the rawness and sweet-simplicity of the piece, unless you so desire. All in all , these short, small lines foreshadow a progressive, "drowning grain of sand".Such a strong aspect of the poem. Its luminous. I could read these 3 lines over and over, and still feel the sinking hopelessness Ok, moving on.



That rises and falls

By the power of the moon

That shines brightly in the night
--- This relays a deep, inner sensitivity, heartfelt compassion for the people you love...its almost hope-less romanticism . To love so deeply that even drowning and suffocating in it is beautiful layers is worth it. If it weren't for the last sentence of this piece, I would have thought that this "beautiful, earthly, drowning" was a love felt completely by BOTH characters.

Clearly, being in the left corner of someones heart, is superficial in comparison to being at the literal, bottom of the Universe. Except, for the fact the left-corner of someones heart IS the universe. (sigh). I LOVE the chance to philosophize anything. Maybe you can shed some light on this for me. I'd love to figure it out. But. I get ahead of myself.

Over rippling waves

In a cloudless sky

That covers the earth

In a mighty universe

Of a vast galaxy
--- Man, don't cloudless skies have a way of making the world seem, so. much. bigger? The fact that you've encompassed this abstraction, and heightened it by "covering the earth" is brilliant.


That resides in the very left corner

Of your lovely heart.
-- Perhaps I'm misinterpreting this altogether. Maybe both characters DO love each other so much, in fact now that I re-read the piece, could it be that the narrator's object of desire has such a HUGE, INFINITE heart" that even the "left corner of the heart" is worthy of such inundation? Hmmm...I love this. Its up for debate. Initially, I, assumed this was a negative drowning. But how could it be? All the beautiful imagery, and personification of a "larger-than-life" heart, could only mean a sincere and general admiration for the "object of desire". In assuming, this is a sad drowning, it contradicts the piece all together. Yet in my mind I'm still focusing on YOU=bottom of Universe, as being a sad, and and lonely person. Unless your speaking of GOD, which would altogether change teh meaning of this piece, since He is NOT governed by earthly, physical laws. Hmmm....would you mind sending me a message with your interpretation? I'm fascinated.

Thank you, Autumn. I'm overstimulated by this. I hope you don't mind my erratic philosophising. I generally don't reach that level when reviewing work. :)

Truly,
~ Nancy

This is an exceptional, thought-provoking, luminous, glorious piece. I may be biased. I have a deep love of celestial bodies

[Lorraine]

I have to say I'm amazed at the distinct rhythm and flow of this piece. It seems like every line picks up from where the line prior to it ends with. You've thrown random imageries in this poem that just miraculously connect with each other through an intricate pattern. You combine spontaneity and elegance.

Keep Writing. ^____^

[alesuriko]

The flow and rhythm of this poem is really well done. I love the imagery, so beautiful and vivid, and very thoroughly described. Wonderful poem.

[Laura E. Aranda]

This is sweet. I can fill the power of 'hugeness' wanting to swallow me as I read this. I like the way I have to catch my breath as I look down back to Earth as I read the last couple of lines......very poetic.

[wizthom]

u are a beach poem away from the love of day as the waves reaches for the shore,,great write..wizthom

[Antonio Valentino]

Dear Aitumn,
You're poem, Small, is anything but.
What a wonderful testament this is
To one's fondness, toward another.
Something tells me though, that this
Single grain of sand of yours, that you
so eloquently speak of, represents that
most special interval of time that any
heart would so achingly, long for.

Wonderful!
Antonio

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lovely imagery and beautiful writing to show your appreciation of what seems to be a big heart. Thank you for sharing.