Random Thoughts of a Dumbass

Don't treat your life as if it was all one big brunch.

She said, "You'll never know me unless you walk a mile in my shoes". 

To which I responded,

"Oh really??

So you walked a mile in shoes that were four sizes too small??"

What do you call The Hulk if he were really patriotic?

The Star-Spangled banner.

Buttered toast is to an essential breakfast element

As toasted butter is to a house-fire.

Somewhere below you, the world is upside down.

Instead of saying, "You're a beast!" to someone,

Try saying, "You're a buffalo!"

And see if they stay friends with you.

Sometimes when I wish upon stars,

I feel like they're saying, "Nope, can't hear ya."

If we say hardwood floor, does that mean that there are softwood floors?