Luxuries of a Dream

On an empty stomach, he dozes off to sleep. He dreams, yea he dreams! He dreams of a table spread before him. A table filled with the delicacies fit for a king. He's the son of a king after all. He dreams of his mother, regal and elegant. She tickles and coos him. She sings to him just so he'd eat but hey, he's had these delicacies too many times. He looks up at her, giggling and says "Just a bite, mommy." She smiles, he opens his mouth and ah!! All he tastes is air. He's back in his world! A world where the pangs of hunger are real; a world where the only luxuries he enjoys are the ones sleep gives him.

Author's Note

Hey everyone. I am new and this is my first attempt at writing. I would love to learn from all of you. Criticize as much as you can. I need it if I must grow.

Reviews

[LawrenceRaybon]

This is a great concept, and the flow of your free verse works well.

You may want to format your poems in a more traditional way though. Leaving it as a block of text makes the poem a bit less effective. While reading I reorganized it as if each period or comma meant a line break and it worked fairly well, it's something you should look at.

Also, the concept is great but it's underdeveloped. There are other luxuries you could speak of as well like clothes, shelter etc. I was also a little sad that you didn't go into specifics about the delicacies themselves! What kind of food is on the table? You can give hints as to the location and culture of the person with details!

Filling the table with common foods that aren't really delicacies would add a whole other layer as well. What if this kid sees Ramen or chicken nuggets as a delicacy? What does that say about where he lives and what his aspirations are?

I encourage you to really explore what you can do with this concept!

***These are my honest opinions and they are absolutely not meant as any kind of attack. I only comment on work that I think is good and only offer advice so that we can all become better writers. You are always free/welcome to heed or disregard my opinions/advice!***

[cbedwina]

Hey Lawrence, I cant tell you how glad I am to see your honest review. I will, of course, heed to it. Thanks