The Beginning

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“Well, if that doesn’t just end it all” he said out loud as he drove down the road semi slowly while watching the havoc playing out in front of his early morning weary eyes.  He started out the morning thinking that maybe it was just a dream but he would have to be twisted in such a way as to make a psychologist cream his or her pants to have a thought like this in his head to cause a dream like this.

 

The morning began as any other.  Annoying ringing in his right ear signifying another morning has begun and a night drifted by in its wake.  The first light of the day, being the brightest, is tremendously painful to his eyes even though they are open only to slits.  He swings his legs out of bed fast, because he knows that if he takes his time to do that simple task, he may not be able to complete the task and would just fall back into blissful sleep like he did when he was younger.  You all know the feeling.  Your mother wakes you up and you mumble something simulating, “I am up,” but sounds more like a guttural sound a monkey makes while playing with a football.

 

Shuffling his feet he makes his way to the kitchen to brew a pot of the dark brew of the gods.  While the pot is brewing he slips into the shower to have the hot water wake him up. 

 

Feeling rejuvenated after the shower he dresses in his normal dark blue business suit with the day ahead of him going through his mind for the first time that morning.  Fully dressed he made his way back into the kitchen to pour the first cup and to watch a little bit of the news. 

 

Channel 5 has that cute blond as the news caster so he decided to watch her sensuous mouth move dishing out sentences that vaguely resembles the news.  It was then that the day started to turn to s**t.  Literally.

 

The pretty blond, whose name slips his mind, is saying that there has been an outbreak of mass psychotic and homicidal behavior reported across the city.  There were riot style beatings and mutilations of late night and early morning shop owners.  She is warning people to stay in their homes and don’t open them up for anyone no matter if you think you know them.  The only thing he didn’t hear come out of that mouth of hers is a reason why.  Surely someone has figured out why the outbreak.  Someone has to have a theory.  Hell…that’s all the scientists and politicians do is theorizing the crap out of things and not actually try to solve anything.  Obsess much? 

 

Fully awake now, he slips through the house, noticing that he is moving with practiced quietness as if he was trying to not wake sleeping children even though he was the only one in the house.

 

At the kitchen window he peeks outside and sees…nothing.  No one is moving.  He doesn’t even see his neighbors across the street moving to their cars looking forward to another day at the office.

Not a good sign, but maybe they are just running late.  He glances at his watch and notices that he is going to be late if he doesn’t get moving. 

At the front door he pauses.  Leading up to the door, he convinced himself that this was all a hoax, a kind of War of the Worlds situation.  Now that he is committed to opening the door to the world, he hesitates.  Why?

 

He opens the door and peers through the opening to his lawn.  No one screaming, or running, or trying to kill each other.  Matter of fact, the only sound he hears is the sound of the birds that are the usual symphony playing the soundtrack to his morning jaunt to the car.

 

He shakes his head at the shear silliness at how he has been acting and moves toward his car shutting his door behind him.  The car, his prized ’67 Chevy, fully restored to beautiful, perfect condition is sitting there waiting for him to start her up and take her for a ride.  So he does. 

 

Now further into the city, he doesn’t believe his eyes.  It’s something out of a movie or something.  Otherwise normal human beings crazily chasing after other humans and eating them.  Yes…eating them.  He is seeing it with his own eyes.  He doesn’t recognize either of the two on the lawn on the corner of Warchester and Laund but as he slows for the stop sign he sees that the one on top is a woman about his age and she is eating the guys arm.  There is no mistaking it people, the world has gone to s**t. 

The woman stops mid chomp and her eyes fix on his stopped car.  Then on him.  Well, let’s just say that was enough to make anyone’s blood curdle.  He threw the car into gear and burned rubber for a half mile trying to get as far away from that grisly scene as he could.  Although, he knew that sight will be engrained into his mind for the rest of his life no matter how long that may be.  He chanced a look into the rear view mirror and saw her running towards his speeding car.  He sped up.

 

He makes it further into downtown and the further he goes; the more he sees one form of hell or another.  People beating each other with body parts, eating the flesh from their victims.  Makes you want to puke.  He just drives.  Passing his building now thinking that being fired isn’t the worst thing that could happen. 

 

“Where do we go, girl?” He asks his car.  “Where can we go to escape this madness?  Are we the only ones left alive?”  Then a vision comes to mind.  The vision is of an old brick and stone square building made back in the mid 40’s as am out-of-ground bomb shelter turned National Guard armory.  If he could make it there and inside he could be safe for at least a while.  First, however, he will need to get some supplies. 

 

“Looks like a trip to the market is in order, doll” He says while tapping the dashboard of his girl. 

 

With that, he makes the left at the light and heads toward the Deli Food Store on the corner.  He shops there all the time so he figured that would be the best bet.  But if these crazy people are out and about around the store, it may make it hard to get the supplies into the car.  Who knows, maybe one of them will help him to his car before snacking on his arms. 

 

He slows down as he goes passed the entrance to the parking lot adjacent to the store and sees no one.  “Well that’s a good sign” he says.

 

In the parking lot he parks close to the door and peers in through the front to get a view of the inside.  The front doors are open and he can’t see any body within, but he knows his eyesight is limited to just the front entrance way.  He can’t see the back of the store or through the aisles. 

 

Deciding to chance it, he parks with the car parallel with the door so that he doesn’t have to run so far after getting the supplies if one of those baddies is in there munching on a stock boy.

 

He lingers a second at the key to the engine contemplating whether or not he should leave it running or not.  He decides to leave it running but take the electronic door opener so that he can open it fast and the engine is still running to make the fast get away. 

 

He makes his exit through the passenger side door into the store and eases through the opening ready to bolt at the first sound of trouble heading his way.  Fortunately there were none, but what he saw was no one was in the store.  The store was empty.  He started looking for the items he had made on the list he was making in his mind while driving.

 

Author's Note

All critiques welcome.

Reviews

[Michael Crow]

Well, I like what I've read so far. The only things I noticed was that the first half was a little two wordy and a little heavy on the verbs. Also, the narration was a bit confusing. Did you mean to have a more subdued narrator or a more significant narrator? What I mean is, is the narrator just some random Joe or is the narrator a significant part of the story? It just seems like sometimes you are being talked to and sometimes you are just overhearing a story.

Overall, it was enjoyable and I look forward to more.

[Leumas Relwood]

In this fantasy/sci-fi type of writing, I believe the story is more important to get down before the writing aspects; You have the storyline and ideas ok, but the writing could use some improvement. When you write in present-tense, make sure that all of the actions that are currently happening are present (I know it is easy to slip-up and make a past-tense!) Also, metaphors and symbols are good, but sometimes they interupt the flow of things. Just make sure you don't compare everything that happens to another action (it gets tiring). I do like some of the metaphors, though "the only sound he hears is the sound of the birds that are the usual symphony playing the soundtrack to his morning jaunt to the car." Finally, are we supposed to know the guy (I haven't read chapt2 yet, so I might find my answer); all it mentions is a HE...does he have any kind of past or identification? I love zombie stories; thanks for the fun!