Chapter 1

Xavier finds himself at his ex girlfriend's window, pondering his former life and what to do next.

September 6th, 2011

Desire has a funny way of ruining everything.

Two years ago Xavier had the desire to be an angel for the rest of his life. Then, he had the desire to kill his best friends. And now, he had the desire to be an angel again. To redeem himself as the angel with the perfect future.

But everyone knew how hard that would be.

Xavier had been a fallen angel for two years now. After committing murder, multiple tragic events followed. First, Xavier got his wings ripped off, symbolizing his new start as a fallen angel. Second, he got sent down from heaven, wrapped in flames, burning away any fragments of the angel that used to be inside him.

And third, his girlfriend broke up with him.

Xavier used one of the most well-known angels of his generation. Laurissa Stacome was his angel girlfriend, the most beautiful angel Xavier had ever seen. Both their families had come from a long line of angels, most of them holding a highly-respected place in the Legend's Court.

The Legend's Court is a group of many angels that run the angel world. Xavier's mother and father are both in the Legend's Court, as were his grandparents. Laurissa, however, only had three relatives that were in the court, her father and her father's parents. Her grandparents on her mother's side were dead and her mother was a fallen angel, no longer welcome in the Legend's Court or the angel world due to a horrible incident she caused.

Xavier's parents, Thomas and Gwen Floyd, were very close to the headmaster of the Legend's Court; they’ve practically known each other since birth. They all expected greatness out of Thomas and Gwen's only child, and Xavier had planned to give the best he could give.

But then everything changed and he was shunned away by the Legend's Court, giving him a look of disgust as he walked away in shame. Xavier remembered the look

on their faces, and it was heartbreaking.

Losing Laurissa was just as bad.

At times he regretted being a fallen angel. Other times he congratulated himself. It seemed wrong to tell himself it was ok when that one incident ruined his entire life and any chance he had at having a good one.

But lately, his mind hasn't been in the right place, and things have been changing.

And that's why he was at Laurissa's window tonight, watching her sleep for hours.

The dark of the night began to set in as Xavier sat at her window. His dark hair began to drip as the cold rain melted into his bangs. However, he wasn't cold, even as the rain and wind pounded against him. The anxiety and intensity of watching Laurissa sleep, as well as the battle against himself not to be with her, was enough to keep his heart pounding and his body warm.

He remembered the look on her face two years ago when he told her he committed murder. Everyone was there to watch Xavier fall from heaven that night, the soon-to-be hero come to be defeated. Laurissa was wearing her black coat, the one with slits in the back so her wings could fit through. Her beautiful white wings shown in the dark of the night, reflecting the fire scorching Xavier's body. Her black coat covered everything but her face that showed nothing but pain, regret, sadness, and disappointment.

Xavier remembered feeling tears roll down his cheeks and sizzle when they touched the fire. "How could you, Xavier? Why would you do such a thing?" She cried to him through the flames. It felt as if those words pierced his heart, shattering it to a million pieces.

And he didn't even have an answer to give her.

He missed his wings. He missed the way they would make an enclosure of warmth around him.

At times he found it hard to remember that his wings weren't there anymore. He used to be able to show off his wings and their unique, attracting black and gold color. No other angels had such absurd colors in their wings. Xavier was one of a kind, in more ways than just one.

Laurissa still had her gorgeous wings. Her glowing white wings. If only Xavier could have seen them now. If only she hadn't tucked them back out of sight before she went to bed that night. Xavier remembered their blindingly brilliant shine, remembered how they could rob a human of their sight with just one glance.

But it's so hard to look away.

It was that night that fate and realism had fought in Xavier's mind for hours, leaving him at Laurissa's window to watch her sleep.

After hours of debating, reality struck Xavier. And that's what finally got him to leave her window. He told himself, "Sitting here won't do anything. She won't wake up, you'll just pain yourself more by sitting here and watching her."

Xavier jumped down from the tree in front of Laurissa's window. He had been perched there for hours, hiding behind a leafy branch. When he jumped off, it caused the branch to shake and shed cold water droplets onto Xavier's head, reminding him that there was such thing as cold. He sighed and stuffed his chilled hands in the pockets of his black sweatshirt.

His wings would have protected him from the pouring rain. He wouldn't have been cold.

He looked back at the brick house, the house Laurissa had lived in her entire life. Xavier remembered having fun parties at her house. He remembered the first time he met her dad, unaccompanied by her mother. He remembered meeting Laurissa, the first time he laid eyes on her. He remembered the first time he saw her wings, nearly blown back by their beauty. Her dad's wings were the same sparking white as Laurissa's, but not nearly as breathtaking.

Xavier remembered his first kiss with Laurissa, sitting up in the tree one afternoon. He looked up in the tree now, remembered the feel of her lips against his, and he cringed. The memory was too much for Xavier to handle. He began to walk away from the house, leaving Laurissa behind for now.

After Xavier got sent away from heaven he moved away from Rochester, Michigan and to another city not far but far enough called Pontiac. He felt a fresh start was needed. A new life as a human, no longer an angel's life. 

That was his second mistake.

He rarely heard from Laurissa after that and never saw her face again.

But now, seeing her sleep, watching her stomach rise and fall gracefully, it was the best feeling in the world. To see her so peaceful, his shining angel living her innocent life. Her normal life, even when she's an angel incognito, hiding her secret from the world.

Xavier remembered his every day struggle against humanity, the same thing Laurissa's going through.

Xavier got home ten minutes later to his new apartment, giving an evil glare to the pile of boxes in the corner that need to be unpacked, knowing there was more in his bedroom as well. He took off his soaking wet sweatshirt and hung it up in the shower to dry. Then he went back in the living room and plopped down on his old, worn-down couch with a sigh.

He listened to the rain pound against the window behind him, enjoying the pitter-patter as he slowly closed his eyes to relax.

But his joyful relaxation never lasted long. His mind was racing with thoughts, questions, and ideas. First thing he let himself think about was his time spent in Pontiac. He knew the area he had moved to was bad, he had heard stories on the daily news. He didn't think meeting people in the area he lived in was such a good idea. He wasn't a completely alone, however. He made a friend was also a prisoner in the fallen angel life.

His name was Devin. Xavier had met him within his first two months in Pontiac. They had become good friends over the two years Xavier had known him. The first few months Xavier was a fallen angel he didn't want to meet anyone new or mingle with anyone, he wanted to just keep to himself.

But one night, Xavier had gone out to explore his new town after leaving Rochester, to just get a feel of it. Rochester isn't a small town but it's not big either. Pontiac was much smaller and much quieter. It had a lonely feel to it; not many people wandered the streets at night and that made Xavier feel like he was putting himself at risk. Xavier's strength and power was taken away along with his wings. If he happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, he couldn't defend himself that well.

He ran into Devin that night while wondering the streets. He was strolling along, much like Xavier, acting as if he were tough enough to take on any danger that came his way. He's a big guy, big enough that you can tell he works out pretty often. He causes trouble of his own, but he isn't as bad as he could have been.

He showed Xavier around town in his worn-down Jeep, telling him which areas were safe and which weren't. He had welcomed Xavier, even when Xavier didn't want to be welcomed or make any friends. He was his connection to humanity though. And in a way, he still was.

That's about ten percent of why Xavier moved to Rochester again. He wanted to get back in touch with people, real people, and humanity. Reality.

The other ninety percent was all Laurissa.

However, Devin traveled a lot and never tied himself down to one thing, whether that thing be women, homes, friends, jobs, or even personality. He liked to change it up. That's not bad but sometimes it's not good either.

He was also more of the outgoing type, always with a girl, always with his friends, always at a party. He never let himself be alone. Xavier found it difficult to relate to him but it helped to have a friend like Devin. Devin was his link to life, to communicating. When Xavier became a fallen angel he responded with loneliness, he became a hermit. He left his hometown, left his entire life. But when Devin became a fallen angel, he filled the void with people, with parties, with friends, and constant change. He didn't let the life of a fallen angel get him down.

All fallen angels have a different way of dealing with it.

There's a time in your life of an Angel when all you want to be, all you ever want to be is an angel. It's your entire life, it means everything to you. It makes you crazy, like it's a drug. You get addicted, you get psychotic, you just lose it. Some angels deal with, control it, handle it perfectly. Others just let go, let it take them over, let it do whatever it wants them to do.

Even commit murder, one of the things a true angel would never do. It's like a test, like it's proving whether or not you can handle being an angel.

Xavier and Devin, along with thousands of fallen angel around the world, couldn't handle it. They let the stress release by doing something bad, not realizing the consequences. Wings torn off, power nearly taken away, life torn apart. Some are good at hiding it, others let it show. Being a fallen angel feels like your happiness was ripped away with your wings.

It feels like when you fall from the sky, the fire burning at your flesh is the horrible, depressing life setting in. And at some point in your life as a fallen angel, you realize you'll always be a fallen angel from then on. Your mistake caused you to be this way forever. Then the regret sets in and it just kills you, tears you apart from the inside out.

Sometimes Xavier regretted murdering someone. Other times, he was glad he did. But he could never come up with a reason why. Telling himself it was the right thing to do didn't work anymore. It obviously wasn't the right thing to do if it put him in this place.

Laurissa, however, would never be a fallen angel. She would never even think of it. She'll never make the mistake Xavier did.

Devin knew about Laurissa, he knew everything. Xavier needed someone to talk to and Devin was the only person left. Devin respected Xavier when no one else was even willing to anymore. Devin understood.

Xavier told him how much he missed Laurissa, and Devin could see in his eyes that he meant it.

That's why he was going to her school. He didn't know whether or not she would welcome him with open arms. Honestly, he'd be surprised he she did. But as long as he can see her face, hear her beautiful voice. See her alive and well, healthy and still beautiful. It's enough for him to keep going.

Enough for him to keep living in this world he put himself in.

Author's Note

I've re-written this chapter so many times, I really hope I got it right this time. Tell me what you honestly think.