I want to leave but the world won't let me go

I spend the next three weeks trying to find Kat again, just to say hello or even ask a question but she is no where to be found. I can’t even find her is History which is the only class we share, her seat is empty and so are my thoughts, I just wanted to talk.

Maybe her brother found out and moved her to another school across the city or is even home schooling her, he would probably do anything to keep her away from me, to keep the President’s nephew away from B.E.F.A’ s youth leader. We are different, we stand for different things or at least that’s what everyone thinks.

Part of me wants what she stands for, part of me wants to join B.E.F.A but that would be a massive risk, risk to myself, the group itself, even my family, even Brenda and Luke. They would think that I am starting a rebellion and they will kill everyone like they did Jared’s family.

I gulp at the thought of what they did to Jared, his now dead eyes, he wants to work in the most dangerous job when he leaves, the food incinerator job. No one will remember him, no one, except me, Misha, his family, my family and Connor. I couldn’t imagine losing my friends and family, they are the reason I’m not dead yet. But yet part of me wants to be part of them, being true to myself and talking to Kat with no trouble or looks is just a side bonus.

I sit in history class for the fourth week without Kat and I feel anxious, I keep on looking behind me as if she will magically appear in her empty seat with a small smile and the willingness to talk to me. I look ahead and work on the class work like normal but part of me still wants her here, part of me wants to know that she is safe. I put my head in my hands.

“Are you ok Mr. Collins?” Mr. Orion asks.

“Just a headache sir.” I reply quickly.

“Are you sure?” He asks.

“Positive.” I grumble.

My mind quickly thinks about the note Jared gave me, he hasn’t asked me about it yet. I has been four weeks.

If I see Kat again I will read it, alone.

He returns to teaching about the history and the war.

I barley make through the day.

When the final bell chimes I am out the door in a flash with my bag and coat on.

I quickly board the S.S and every seat is filled and I stay standing. I peer around people and try to find a spot.

Some people offer me to take their seat but I decline.

I see a spot that is empty and I look around no one is diving for that spot. Then I see who is sitting on the inside, it’s Kat.

Relief floods through me, she is safe. She is looking out the window and I slowly squeeze my way through to get closer.

When I approach the seat “Is this taken?”

She looks up at me with that face she gave me four weeks earlier “What do you think?”

“I guess not.” I smile sitting down.

“You are a f*****g idiot.” She hisses quietly.

“I know but it’s better than standing.” I smile.

“Nice way to talk to a girl.” She whispers.

“Nice to see you too Beef.” I snap with confidence in my voice “Play along.” I add in a hush voice.

“I rather not, President A*****e.” She snaps looking out the window.

She makes the word a*****e sound like a name then a noun.

People start not to care and she looks ahead now.

“You’re still a f*****g idiot.” She whispers.

“I know. Where were you?” I ask quietly.
“I was at HQ, Kendall had to give me a talk.” She replies.

“Are you doing anything tonight?” I ask.

“No, are you sure you don’t want to die, we are enemies. We have for the last eleven years, they talk about us in class. We are outcasts, losers, the rebels.” She hisses.

“I’m going to the Rec. Centre tonight and I want you to come, have fun for once.” I reply giving her the pathetic look.

“Fine but this is the only time, got it and not a date, I need to get out anyway.” She hisses.

I smile brightly and I hear the announcer say “Next stop, Gravely.”

“My stop.” I say getting up.

“Remember this Collins. We. Are. Enemies.” She growls.

I shrugs and I get off the train and scurry up stairs and towards home, Sometimes life is bitter sweet.

I rush through the door and I see Brenda and Luke playing on the carpet in the middle of the sitting room before going up stairs.

Remember they should see equality between people.

I throw my bag on the ground and I sit at my desk then take out my homework.

I take out the piece of paper Jared gave to me from under the lamp on my desk. I have the insane urge to read it now. I have kept it hidden away for so long. I was afraid someone would find it and punish Jared because they might see it as a threat. Four weeks is long enough, I have seen Kat so I have to keep to that promise.

I open the note and start to read what is really going on with Jared:

　

　

I look west and I see the stars

I’ve loved how they shine like diamonds

I look east to see the sun peek through

I’ve loved how it slowly takes its time

I look behind me and I see my horse

I’ve never felt that horse any remorse

I look in front of me a I see a wall

I’ve hated that wall

Because with that wall I am never free

They own us, they own me

They take and take

They never give us a break

But I still look west and I see the stars

And I still love how they shine like diamonds

I look at it one more time and sigh. Jared feels trapped as well, may it isn’t just me. Maybe I’m not the alien, maybe I am not the only one. I stop for a moment, New Toronto doesn’t have any stars and there are no horses here. How did Jared end up relating to that. Did something happen where he did see stars and he never felt guilt for his horse or maybe it’s just all in his head. He did say he just woke up and wrote it.

“Hunter, dinner. Don’t want to be late.” A small voice squeaks from my door way.

I look over and see Brenda, she looks at me.

“Hunter, dinner. You don’t want to be late.” She repeats.

I get up and slide the paper behind under my binder.

“Then let’s go eat kid.” I smile.

It feels nice to smile, a real smile.

It feels nice to know that you are not alone

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[Dark Dancer (Grass Seed..]

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