Sparks

One of my first poems.

In my head,
this dark cocoon,
my feelings ebb and flow.
I'll stay within,
it's cold outside.
Just leave me here alone.

I'll light some sparks
around my thoughts
and fan the flames up high
'til I can rise
above the earth
on wings of golden fire.

Author's Note

Just starting to write poems. Be kind.

Reviews

[-inactive now-]

Really good for a first poem, I got the image of a bird bursting free from a dark cocoon in a blaze of fire, ...a phoenix.
It is astounding when we can free ourselves of negative thoughts and feelings that chain us down.
Wonderful, nice form. I liked it :)

[Firebird]

Thank you! I wrote all my poems here in the last three months of 2015. I haven't written any this year :-/

[-inactive now-]

I'm sure you'll come up with something great soon enough :)

[David Scott]

Your structure is pleasant. I enjoyed the near rhyme and your meter was gentle and consistent. It reads like a warm blanket or a toasty camp fire... Comfortable.
Well done.

[Firebird]

Thank you David. I'm glad you enjoyed it. :-)

[Terry O'Leary]

Great imagery... though a bit sad!

[Firebird]

Yes unfortunately I like writing sad poetry. Sorry if my poems aren't always uplifting I don't write when I'm having fun.

[Terry O'Leary]

Sad or happy... doesn't matter, just as long as it moves and stirs!!

[Firebird]

:-) yup :-)

[Willard Wells]

NIcely done. I sit in my dark place hiding away in my loneliness. I am perfectly comfortable there examining all the rambling thoughts and idea.

I feel this piece a great deal.

[Firebird]

I'm glad it struck a chord with you Willard. Thank you for your review. :-)

[Yanghwa Hong]

i love how the "wings of golden fire" fan from sparks in the "dark cocoon".
really expresses the power of thought deeply. great job! i love

[Firebird]

Thank you Yanghwa! I'm really glad you liked it. :-)

[andrew mitchell]

this poem is sweet as, thank you

[Firebird]

Thank you Andrew :-) I'm pleased you liked it!

[McBear]

I really loved this. The flow the words had, just amazing.

[Firebird]

Thank you Poison. I'm glad you liked it.

[McBear]

c: Thanks for sharing!!

[alifeacoustic]

Well if this is you just starting to write poetry, then I cant wait to see what you come up with in the future. This is great. Its succinct, tells you where you are now and where you hope to be and turns what could have been negativity into a positive. Great job.

[Firebird]

Thanks Acoustic for your kind comment.

[Eggman]

I love the recurring phoenix theme throughout your work, firebird - it's a clever way to add a sense of series. You nailed the antithesis between the two stanzas, especially the contrast in emotion (that just on line six does wonders). I felt that it captures the final, last-ditch effort that one must commit to after failing repeatedly. The monosyllabic "f" alliteration (fan, flames) sounds like the beating of wings, and the distancing between them makes it seem as though an ancient engine is coming back to life. Really great work, especially for someone who's just starting to write poetry!

-eggman

[Firebird]

Thank you eggman. That's kind and helpful!

[Zugzwang]

This was an uplifting poem to read. I liked the rhyme scheme, everything fitted in and it was a very expressive piece.

[Firebird]

Its pretty simple but it works for me.

[Damion Kirksey]

this is amazing, keep it up! :)

[Firebird]

Thank you Damion. You're kind. :-)

[Damion Kirksey]

You're very welcome