not feeling good

sick in my head I lay down in bed,

try to stay warm while I feel cold,

tissues and coughing can change a dream

Reviews

[William Liston]

I liked this poem because it started out with a light-hearted, innocent tone, and then it progressed to something serious. You've evoked a lot of emotion for just three lines ... it's the perfect balance of brevity, imagination, and irony that gives the reader just enough detail to feel emotion and "complete the dots" of this poem.

If I may critique, I'd suggest changing the visual presentation of this poem. Though this poem itself is good, the font you've chosen is boring. I'd suggest using Georgia size 12 font, which in my opinion, is the best font this site has to offer.

I also think this piece could benefit from proper grammar. Take the following for example:

Sick in the head, I lie down in bed
and try to stay warm while I feel cold.

Tissues and coughing can change a dream.

The grammar and visual presentation help to make your work look professional, but whether you change those things or not, this is still a good poem. Thanks for sharing.

- William Liston

[Howard Savage]

This is a poem I feel that reflects that life has many changes that can stagnate our desires. Well let me say I hope or I know you will start feeling good sooner rather than later. Remember that into each life some rain must fall. Your dreams are not destroyed just delayed.