Don't Forget Your Other Half

A elegy i had to write for my Poetry class, had to include the words "fog" and "orange," with a rhetorical question.

There she was, fast asleep.

Lying there so peacefully,

She couldn’t even hear my mother weep.

For she had moved on to another life, she was long gone.

 

I could see her, looking out over the lake,

When the sun just began to kiss the earth.

And the lake was glazed with fog

If she chose her next life, I know this is where she would begin.

She drinks in the smell of the morning, while I watch what is to come.

The sun rises, the fog fades,

But her hair, that red hair would shine in the newly awaken sun.

And her eyes, those green eyes would glisten like no other.

This was when I saw her filled with life,

Life that is no longer here.

 

I woke up today. I have to stay in this life

Without her, I suppose.

I went to her room, everything was neatly placed

Just the way she left it.

She left me the other half of her orange,

The one we should have shared together that morning.

We loved that smell, the citrus that lingered on our fingers.

But I forgot to share it with her, I forgot to come back.

Tell me, would you do it, if you knew it’d be your last?

Would you share one last orange with your other half?

Reviews

[fireblossom]

Well done. This piece unfolds with mystery. The voice of an observer yet it contains detail of closeness and connection. The orange-half brought things to a very organic and sensory conclusion, really grounding this fine poem.

[RileyRedding]

This is beautiful.

You have a unique narrative voice.

[Valkyrie Warrior]

Wow just wow, so beautiful and touching!

[Cassy Sandow]

much appreciated :)

[Valkyrie Warrior]

My pleasure

[leppero]

some really nice imagery here, Miss. lake glazed with fog, sun kissing the earth, drinking the smell of the morning, and more too. all very good. and a really good ending. good stuff,

[Cassy Sandow]

Thank you! I am still iffy about the ending because i think it sounds a bit cheesy but thank you!

[leppero]

well, it reads like it's a personal thing, you both loved the smell and taste. and shared a lot, so it's from your heart. if you're iffy write out a couple of endings meaning the same but said different, but as I said it's from the heart so that constitutes good poetry

[Cassy Sandow]

i never thought of doing that, next time i'm struggling with an ending ill put your advice to work. thank you again, you're quite helpful