In The Maze

( the progression of dementia in loved ones )

these early summer days
find auntie in a deeper maze
of lost in the past

memories of years gone by
blue sky and childhood friends
fast forward to a wretched end

today she didn’t remember me
pieces of the jigsaw gone
scattered and eaten by brain’s decay

i had morphed into my mother
her brother’s wife and she was
so delighted to see me

how young you look she said
how do you do it tell me how
where have you been all these years

why am I staying here
can you take me back to the square
to see my mum and dad

glad the visit was cut short
her caught in the misery of dementia
and the fear of what she suffers next

so held her hand and hugged her
what else can you do other than
reassure her and say you love her

Reviews

[John Sullivan]

Chris, with my paternal Grandma it was cancer. She beat it once. Intestinal cancer. It wasted her away. I remember the last time I saw her. She had shriveled to nothing, gaunt and skeletal. She couldn't really move anymore, there just wasn't the muscle mass remaining. She looked mortified. The family stood around and said nothing. Just watched. I'm so thankful I had the presence of mind to walk up, kiss her on the cheek, and tell her I loved her. Tears welled in her eyes. That poor, brave woman. Still think about her 20 years later. Cheers, friend.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you my friend for that heart felt share. That kiss meant the world to her. She felt your love and showed it. I really appreciate your response. We never know what is in store for family members or even for ourselves. Have a great day.

Chris

[John Sullivan]

We don't, it's true. You're a kind soul, Ms. Shaw. Appreciate you

[Poetic Beauty]

Dementia is a cruel disease that not only affects the person but the whole family as well. It is unforgiving and relentless.

A little advice when dealing with someone who is struggling in their state of visiting the past, roll with it. Pretend you are the person they think you are and get creative with answers. If they want to go to the square to see mom and dad simple say we can’t go at the moment because mom and dad are at work or out of town.

I worked as a CNA for about 6 years and often with dementia patients. They are called therapeutic lies. They are in a different reality and you can not force them from it. To them it is completely real.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you for such a helpful review PB. It looks as though I will have to be my mum when I visit in future. My mum and my aunt were best friends at school. That is how my mum met my dad. I will have to learn to be creative. My mum had memory loss before she died, but not as advanced as this. My mum always knew who I was. It is a cruel disease and it is difficult to see a loved one suffer in this way. I appreciate your visit.

Chris

[Poetic Beauty]

You are most welcome for the help. It is tricky waters to navigate for sure. My grandpa had dementia and most of the time towards the end he called me my mom. I was honor because he loved my mom, his daughter greatly

[Robert Trakofler]

I distinctly remember my sister visiting me in the hospital after my second heart attack she brought a connect 4 game for us to play and in that state my muddled mind couldn't remember the difference between red and black checkers I couldn't tell the difference I couldn't even say to her which one is black? but even in that state I can not tell you of how much I loved her just sitting next to me and touching my arm how precious that was for me it was the only place she could touch me my fore arm everything else was covered in wires and tubes I may have not been able to say her name or even my own name at that time but I was still there just in pieces but that love cut thru everything and those moments that you gives her are so precious beyond words dear Chris!

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you for such a precious share Bunny. That means alot. Just knowing that the love can be felt even in those dire circumstances helps. I needed to hear that. Have a beautiful Wednesday.

Chris

[AYVID N]

No place could be darker than a decaying mind, as you have so profoundly described here, dear Chris. She seems to sink into a quicksand. Has no solid ground in her mind, left. The past hovers, becomes real, assumes a face, then fades, causing untold distress. I feel the pain as you put her agony into words. You makes us feel her misery and fear. Indeed, there's nothing you can do but reassure her that you care. I'm so sorry your dear Aunt has to go through such torment. This poem has multiple messages for the reader and I've drawn so much from your words. Thank you for this precious share!

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you so much Divya. She is beginning to slide at much faster rate and her decline is sad to watch. She is 92, quite an age and was always very independent minded. I guess there will come a day when there is no recognition at all for family. At least currently she still thinks I am my mother. There is still a link to family. Have a beautiful rest of day.

Chris

[AYVID N]

You're most welcome, dear Chris. I hope she doesn't suffer too much.

You're most welcome. Sending you wishes for a lovely day.
🙋‍♀️💕

[Tom]

We all must die sometime one of the few inevitabilities of life, yet isn't there much to be said when that time comes to die peacfully in one's sleep?

A moving, poignant poem depicting the gradual mental demise of a loved family member, doubtless a once vibrant, active person now reverting, regressing to former childhood memories only, ravaged by the cruel, mind sapping grip of dementia!

" glad the visit was cut short
her caught in the misery of dementia
and the fear of what she suffers next

so held her hand and hugged her
what else can you do
reassure her and say you love her "

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Tom for an understanding review. If only she could slip away in her sleep, but I fear that this is going to get alot worse. She likes her food and is otherwise healthy but has just started to refuse medication. Hard to witness. It is what is us and seems to be fairly common these days. Have a bright day yourself.

Chris

[Tom]

yes Chris, sadly dementia and its various forms seem to be commonplace, not just hard on the patient but close famly members/cares suffer too as a result!