Your pain, my pain, my pain

i found myself revisiting
the Royal Free
a brisk five minute walk
from the bustle of
Camden Town tube

ten years down the track
of no coming back
misty eyed by your demise
i recall your voice

i heard you cry out
in haunting agony
as you rang the bell for help
i felt every millimeter
of pain consume you totally

it swallowed me whole
took my breath away
yet I ran to the nurse’s station
yes I ran begging them
begging them

to hot foot down the corridor
to my sibling to my brother

they didn’t

the consultant arrived eventually
fully dark suited
in pompous superiority
hard boiled and condescending
in rude attitude

supported by his young and
green entourage
adding needed muscle

he insulted you
in front of me and invoked
my inner demon
he really shouldn’t have
done that

i so wanted to kick that
effing bar steward
in his two tiny vulnerables
for his lack of compassion

outside the wind was howling
the wind was moaning
he is dying he is dying
the wind doesn’t lie
the wind didn’t lie

Reviews

[red93]

Shockingly real your memories - how many of us can say the same about the NHS. We, your dear Readers, feel your pain and empathise fully.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Tony for stopping by to share your thoughts. Much appreciated.

Chris

[Ken Simm.]

A beautiful agonising poem of remembered pain. Remarkable and excellently written.

[Chris Shaw]

Many thanks Ken. I appreciate your words and your visit. Happy Thursday.

Chris

[mou]

The patient and his or her family always have some genuine concern and expectations. Some doctors and nurses should be little empathetic. Here I do not want to hurt anyone but I too witnessed this scenario. It feels pathetic and helpless when our people are being hurt and mistreated. It is a heart-wrenching write, Chris. Your words always capture every little detail of a situation and emotion.
- mou

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you dear mou, for your share. Yes, good and bad in everything, but this experience has left unpleasant memories, I’d rather not have. Have a happy Thursday.

Chris .

[mou]

I understand what you do mean here, Chris. And yes, Happy Thursday

[butterfly]

Such a sad but beautifully written poem I also had to deal with not so great nurse things when my own father passed away..hopefully things are better for the current patients and beyond. Good bedside manner is often last or absent when it comes to the nurses and doctors. I was also a Medical assistant I could witness it live. Hopefully better days are coming. Another sad but good read.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you for your share butterfly. Sorry to hear about your experiences when your father passed. I guess there’s good and bad in everything. This has left me with unpleasant memories sadly. I appreciate you.

Chris

[Relic]

This poem brings me back to the days when my dad was in the hospital and in therapy. I saw bad things. I to called the nurses but not for my father. For another patient. He was probably in terrible pain from constipation. I told the nurse - who could probably hear him all the way down the hall - that he needed help now. She took her time and it made me anxious and worried about someone I didn't even know.

My father said one night in his hospital room he rang for the nurse because he had to use the bathroom bad. About four or five nurses wound up having a party in the hall and turned up music on one of the patients TV. Needles to say, my father never got any help.

I don't know if hospital workers become desensitized or not, but I've heard horror stories before including a WW2 vet who died because the nurses didn't care that he couldn't breathe and actually laughed while attending to him. That may even be online. The head nurse was fired.

[Chris Shaw]

Thanks Tim. Most of my experiences have been very positive, but this was far from that. It has left me with an unpleasant memory . No one wants to see loved ones in pain, when it can be prevented. Thanks for sharing your experiences. So sorry to hear about them. Good and bad in everything unfortunately.

Chris

[Andrew John]

This is very upsetting Chris. You build a penetrating atmosphere: it penetrates my eyes, gets into my brain, and, in a way, of course, into my heart. Rather a shudder here as I sit in the IT suite of my local library!

[Chris Shaw]

Hi Andrew, if you think you can do anything with this one, please feel free to do so. Big thank you for reading.

Chris

[Andrew John]

Will enjoy voicing this one, Chris. Sorry I've been a long time: been working on other stuff. As you know, we have Bank Hol on Mon, closed here at the IT tomorrow, so will enjoy reading this and hope it works out OK - and will be ready, I hope, to send to you Tue.

[Chris Shaw]

You are a gem Andrew. Thank you so much. I really appreciate you voicing my work. It adds value:)

[Kunst]

That description of you wanting to kick him in the vulnerables is just so blunt, but it works for the piece. Hospitals can be such emotionally charged places, especially when you consider all the emotions that they hold. They are liminal places.

There was a bleakness to this that I found captivating, I just couldn't look away.

Thank you for sharing this.

[Chris Shaw]

I’m pleased you stuck with it and thank you for your visit. The dark suited one invoked my anger. At such a desperate time, it wasn’t a good thing to do. Have a lovely Tuesday.

Chris

[Lorry]

Bedside manner should be the first thing they learn and if it is the case, then they should be tested again and again so they never forget it.
Let's hope his young and green "muscle" learnt a valuable lesson that day and one they will never forget.
But we do get all kinds of bar stewards in every walk of life....unfortunately.

[Chris Shaw]

Hi Lorry, a good morning to you. Yes, totally lacking in bedside manner. I hope his students did learn a lesson that day. One they never forget, because try as I do, I can’t forget that pompous git. Strange how the muse works. This just spilled out on to the page. Hope you are ok up there in the Highlands. Have yourself a good day and thanks for checking in.

Chris

[Lorry]

Am all good Chris...Well as good as its gonna get, the movie title almost said. 😀

[Chris Shaw]

As good as it’s gonna get is better than the seesaw moving downwards. Take care :)

[JessyJacob]

hi Chris, i am waving hand at the home town, the first sea route to india discovered and vascodagama and bisilca church, and fort kochi beach, but all alone, never mind what happens for a good reason, dont be that much sorry, i too did something wrong maybe but want to teach him his own ethics how to treat younger generation not with political poliics, and definitely there will be a change in him thats what i wanted and not to defame the company, i am sorry if it made old pain to memory, nothing was against her or company it was pointing that old man HOD only.

How are you doing, i think eyes are now normal and i want you to be on wheels sometimes, i would rejoin once hod is gone thats what he said, so waiting for the time to call me back.
i will be in Delhi for two more months at home with wfh, with my son coming in may last week, need to book his ticket, he will be traveling alone, not worried as there is crew care in flight and it will be a direct flight from USA. he said he will come alone, so fine.

hope you take good care of yourself resting and eating healthy, and having fun, no more worries should torture you and no more at all, i will not tolerate if any hurts you, i would do what i can.

jessy jacob,
with my love and hugs, with a warm touch of your feet.

[Chris Shaw]

Bless you dear Jessy. Look after your lovely self sweetheart 🌹

[JessyJacob]

Thank you so much dear Chris.

[John the Baptist]

The medical profession is a noble one, but that doesn't mean it can't be infiltrated by anal sphincters. The US medical system is every bit as vulnerable as the venerable NHS. I'm finding that out now with my wife's situation.

[Chris Shaw]

I smiled at your description of the bar stewards you can come across occasionally in the NHS. I hope your wife gets the best possible treatment John where you dwell. Thank you for stopping by.

Chris