Too Soon

the leaves are down
in market square
parched and thirsty
in the town
too soon they’ve fallen
dried and brown
not that they’ve been
noticed there

the people pass by
to and fro
does anybody really care
the leaves are down
in market square
where faces do not smile
or see
too busy are they
on their phones

they walk determined
in their stride
armed with backpacks
and alone
too busy with their mobile
phones
to notice anything at all

the leaves are down
in market square
the trees are crying out
in vain
In need of nothing else
than rain
does anybody really care
the leaves are down
in market square

Reviews

[Bhuyanshi Talukdar]

This is a beautiful and poignant poem. The imagery of the leaves in Market Square, parched and thirsty, is a powerful metaphor for the lack of attention and care that we often show to the natural world around us. Your use of language is evocative and moving, and the repetition of the phrase "does anybody really care" underscores the sense of loneliness and isolation that can come from living in a busy, disconnected world. Overall, this is a deeply affecting work of poetry that speaks to the human condition with honesty and insight. Thank you for sharing it with me.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you so much for your thoughtful review. Pleased you enjoyed my efforts.

Chris

[Patricia Wedel]

dear Chris… it is amazing how many people of all ages carry a Smart Phone like a Friend in order to converse and smile. If they stop at a Cafe… they have their “Friend” perhaps on Speaker while they Dine and sip 🍷 Wine.

[Chris Shaw]

Sadly Pat, the smart phone isn’t as smart as it seems. Many are missing out on the important things in life. The natural world will be around long after the demise of the smart phone. Thank you for checking in to share your own thoughts. Have a lovely weekend and sending love across the waves to you and yours:) 🌹

[emipoemi]

This is grand! I'm trying to find whether this is an actual form or you just modified a pantoum, but despite a couple of hitches in the flow I absolutely enjoyed this. It holds a mirror up to society and demands it look at what it's become - marvellously executed on that front! The fallen leaves as a metaphor for the degradation while the people don't care is topnotch brilliance!

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you for stopping by. This is not written in any form. It was intended as free verse. I appreciate your interest and kind review. Have a good weekend.

Chris

[emipoemi]

Feels a little "constrained" by the standards for free verse, but it doesn't take away from the marvel of the outcome.

[Chris Shaw]

I thank you for that. Happy Saturday:)

[Andrew John]

Love this. Typical of so many people as they see the beauty of leaves - brown leaves. I wonder if we poets are more likely to notice them, while those with mobile phones never do.

[Chris Shaw]

You are right. Takes a poet to notice stuff like this. Thank you Andrew for stopping by. Have a happy weekend.

Chris

[Marugō rorēnu]

I imagined a timelapse video of that particular place. just days go by unnoticed except a few like you, and pictured it to make a poem, thank you for sharing :)

[Chris Shaw]

Welcome to my page and thank you for your thoughts. I liked the idea of showing the scene in slow motion. Have a great day.

Chris

[Marugō rorēnu]

Thank you, have a great day too :)

[Stella Armour]

only poets and artists seem to notice such things Chris .
I do like the use of repetition , it works a treat to convey the imagery ...

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you dear Stella. I do believe poets and painters have an additional eye. Have a fab weekend. The sun has just arrived after morning rain.

Chris

[Stella Armour]

Hi Chris , it has been pouring with heavy rain here all day , doesn't matter really , it will do the garden a world of good . :)

[Fran Marie]

Dear Chris, this piece packs a wallop of deeply penned
metaphor running through it..does anyone really care
I think not..with advance technical devices we've actually
gone backwards in humanity..today's society has no time
to stop and smell the roses.as it were..the repetition and
rhyme scheme make for a powerful write..well done

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Fran for your thoughtful comments. Have a good weekend.

Chris

[red93]

Really Great Work Chris and good to see the eco-awareness in this Piece. I think God must have heard your heart-felt Pleas because we have had rain all day so far today in Bristol.

[Chris Shaw]

Many thanks Tony. Yes, we have had heavy rain here today too. I’m sure the trees would have appreciated it. Have a lovely weekend.

Chris

[red93]

✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

[Lorry]

I wonder how much attention people even give their phones these days, because I haven't heard of an upsurge in road fatalities since the miracle that is the modern phone went all "computer in your pocket" on us.
It's either that or drivers have advanced their skills so much, to keep from running over the hard of thinking, self absorbed twats, which I think is their correct dictionary definition. I know people's attention skills are dwindling for a fact though, because hardly anyone even notices me as I nip down to the shop in my penguin onesie, or go for a picnic in my penguin onesie, or lots of other penguin onesie related things.
I hardly notice myself these days, but usually am aware enough to at least not leave the house naked... much 😉
The only time they are even aware of trees is when they walk into them while tweeting! 😊

[Chris Shaw]

Well there you go Lorry. If people don’t even look at you when you are wearing your best penguin onesies, they are unlikely to notice an ailing tree and leaves on the ground in summer. Hope all is good in your part of the world and my thanks for your visit on a very wet Friday morning.

Chris

[Lorry]

It is indeed wet here too, but at least your tree will remind you of the dreaded breakfast of when your cornflakes go soggy. Why did mothers always wait until the milk was poured until asking you to do something, other than eat your lovely crisp flakes and if you complained, they'd always say "they all go down the same way."
If there was anything worse to a kid as soggy cornflakes, I don't know what it was. 😊
And yes, I'm betterer now. Not quite bestliest, but on the way at least. 😊

[W. Barrett Munn]

Hi, Chris,

I really like the thrust of this one and particularly enjoy the repeated line: the leaves are down in market square. While reading it, I got the sense that there was another musicality here that wanted out. What I kept hearing was this type of beat:

The leaves are down in market square
parched and thristy dry and brown
too soon the leaves have fallen.

Sort of a 3-line beat that simulates the business and bustle of a city.

Winson

[Chris Shaw]

Many thanks for sharing your thoughts Winston. Pleased you like what you read here. Have a Good Friday.

Chris

[duff]

Jump seasons way too soon. Neglect not watered. Whats the rush? I really like this Chris.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you duff. Sad to see so many fallen leaves in summer and no one giving a damn. I appreciate your visit.

Chris