Countdown

(from the outside, 2nd of nine)

let me level with you
about Lawrence
a ripple in a pool of
misguided risk takers

a charmer
who wisely decided
to extricate himself from
a game of consequences
before it was too late

enrolled onto a higher education
course to make a career for
himself

he could and would have
excelled as a teacher
calm with a reassuring attitude
stimulating conversation
which reached out to others
with apparent ease

potential was there
duly noted
as was his patience
and love for his young son
witnessed first hand

then when the garden
appeared full on summer
blooming roses
he found the sharpest of thorns
in a moment of madness
he tripped

succumbed to old habits
a one off it was said
a no returner
an armful of no damn good
dubious strength

punctured all possibility
of a future
as his recovering body
was overpowered

another one gone
same old song
living on the brink
their eyes are open yet
they are blind to what’s
going on

Reviews

[lightsong]

Fabulous! fabulous one my dear... though I got the sense of addiction, but truth is the addiction can be anything not only drugs. Masterfully written, the way of words and how they touch us, a story about someone who can be anyone. the moment of weakness can hit us all, it is not a problem if we surrender to our weaknesses, but what matters that we rise up!

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you dear lightsong. Sadly Lawrence did not rise up but I know many who have. I wanted a voice given to someone who could have had a much fuller life and left this planet early. I appreciate your considered words.

Chris

[red93]

Beautiful and empathic reflection Chris. I see it all the time in the 'B and B'. We have a new guy just come out of Rehab - he doesn't even have 20p for a roll-up !
Excellent Work again.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Tony. Yes I imagine in your current circumstances, you come across this all too often. Have a good Thursday.

Chris

[andrew mitchell]

The path one takes really does shape our destiny and that path may not be the one that lives up to your potential.

[Chris Shaw]

You are so right Andrew. Many thanks for stopping by. All the best.

Chris

[W. Barrett Munn]

Splendid piece of writing Chris.

Winston

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you kindly Winston.

Chris

[Pete]

a tale i know all too well first hand from some i have known. i tried but only they can help themselves with strength and resolve from above. this is quite powerful chris. title so telling as your chilling words warn ... :)

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Pete. Such a waste and such sadness left in their wake for those that knew them . I appreciate you.

[Coyote Poetry]

Powerful story written i the poetry dear Chris.
"punctured all possibility
of a future
as his recovering body
was overpowered"
I understand the above lines. Sometimes, we give-in, sometimes we give-up. Thank you dear friend for sharing your amazing poetry and your thoughts.
Coyote

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Coyote. Lawrence was known to our family. He has been gone years now but I wanted to give him a voice and remember him.

Chris

[Coyote Poetry]

We must say their names. I agree dear Chris. And you are welcome.

[Lisasview]

Oh gosh dear Chris, this one seems quite different than all the others of yours I have read.
To give up the possibility of a future is hard to understand let alone believe.
This does seem like a tormented soul... with no way out...
Sad but true this is going on all around us..
Love to you,
Lisa

[Chris Shaw]

Sadly Lisa, no longer with us. Addictions have such a hold on people. I wanted to give Lawrence a voice. Known to our family a while back. Thank you for stopping by.

Chris

[Ken Simm.]

Tragic but beautiful biographical poem. I couldn't really identfy who it was but I could appreciate both the structure and the subject as far as it associated with my experience. Which is all you can do with any poem. It is very rare that you find one as good as this.

[Chris Shaw]

No one you would have heard of Ken. Sadly a young man who died from a drug overdose known to our family. Thank you for your valued review.

Chris

[D. Mansfield]

"when the garden appeared full . . ." Tragic, this is soo nicley written, thank you

[Chris Shaw]

Many thank yous for reading and leaving a comment.

Chris

[Betty Hermelee]

bad things happen in the blink of an eye... someone who sees but doesn't understand what's going on... a person evidently with much potential but was blind to it....then a terrible accident took his life...he couldn't fight the pain... wonder if his death was deliberate....something mysterious about this person who seemed to have a positive future ahead of him....Nice write Chris..
Best, B

[Chris Shaw]

Many thanks Betty for sharing your thoughts. I appreciate you dear poet. All the best.

read moreMany thanks Betty for sharing your thoughts. I appreciate you dear poet. All the best.

Chris

[Betty Hermelee]

You’re very welcome dear friend!
Best, B