Within Four Walls

in a week from now

after a day of hard graft

all evidence of an elderly 

woman's frugal living

within her tidy time warp

apartment will be consigned

to two luton lorry loads

and history

clearance of all she owns

taken away for disposal

in a sustained way

leaving her home empty

of possessions

though not of ghosts

ghosts who regularly converse

with me

her mother and father

my beloved grandparents

who love her dearly

talk in hushed tones

unable to reason why

she banked all her money

without spending on simple

day to day luxuries

while her brother

my sadly missed father

says she is plain antisocial

and blames it on early

years of wartime 

evacuation to the country

to live with strangers

who influenced her eccentric

behaviour

then i reflect on other losses

two husbands dead

who were nursed through

lengthy illness and her life

without the gift of children

lead me to admire that

sense of resilient duty

for those she cared about

most

she never warmed to thoughts

of entertaining or taking up

invitations from neighbours

preferring instead to retreat

behind a closed dark door 

chained and bolted in a world

of her own making

Reviews

[Soren]

In this life we have the choice to share not only with others but ourselves. Some are so traumatized that they must keep everything for a rainy day that sometimes never comes. The metaphor of keeping things and making do applies to the sharing of ourselves with others and how if we do not we end up isolated and alone. When we go such people are easily forgotten. It is sad to me but maybe not to the person that chooses to be so. Nourishment comes from sharing with self and others. A beautiful story of sadness.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you for sharing your interesting thoughts Soren. Pleased you stopped by.

Chris

[Weeping willow]

Memories flow through our lives like an open door where we sometimes pass through again reliving in moments ;-]. Nice words

[Chris Shaw]

Thanking you Weeping willow for your lovely visit and for sharing your thoughts. All the best.

Chris

[red93]

Excellent Chris. It's true I think - that WW2 Generation was shaped by the War to be frugal and thrifty - and they were much harder in their ways than the Generations that have followed them ✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

[Chris Shaw]

You are so right Tony. They didn't fold when things went wrong. They had resilience by the bucket load. A breed of their own, but that's what war years do to you. Many thanks for your thoughts.

Chris

[John the Baptist]

I have heard of the British children who were sent to the countryside during the blitz. Something like that can affect a person throughout their life. Your aunt had to endure that, and then two widowhoods. Life deals blows to all of us, to some more than others. Perhaps she thought she had to exert control just to survive.

[Chris Shaw]

Thanks John. Her evacuation in early years had a major influence over her life. She has been a very resilient woman but unhappy with it. I hope her new resudential home brings her some happiness. She was overjoyed when we visited yesterday abd appeared happy. That is a blessing for sure.

Chris

[Fabian G. Franklin]

The last part sounds a bit like the Belle of Amherst. Sometimes the worlds of our own making are preferable to the worlds others want us to face and confess to like penitent sinners thrust beneath halogen lamps to spotlight our tortured souls. Sometimes you just want to shoot out the torches and hang the angry villagers carrying them. It's none of their business if we don't care for the latest Parisian fashions or the gossip at the bridge club. Maybe there's something more noble and profound at the center of it all. Maybe it wears a plain frock and writes short stabbing prose like a hidden stiletto pulled from a sleeve or maybe it's a simple child wishing things had never changed from the happy youth it used to know.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you dear Fabian, sadly with my aunt the world of her own making has made her a very unhappy woman and with a streak of bitterness thrown into the measure. Without doubt she hasn't had an easy life, but she could have made it more pleasant for herself. I am pleased to say that she has settled well in a residential home and I hope that whatever time she has left brings her a little happy. Yesterday she was certainly overjoyed when we visited. I do agree though, that the world of our own making can at times be far preferable to others. Always interesting to have your thoughts. Have a happy Sunday.

Chris

[carl]

Great contemplation on the whys of a loved ones choices or were they things which bore down and caused the manner in which they chose to live. Recent events for us were of this nature as well. So many of these singular items were the same for out friend. Sure this will echo in the hearts and minds of others who read. Thanks for the post. -carl

[Chris Shaw]

Many thanks carl for your visit and sharing that my write was relatable because of your friend's situation. Pleased you stopped by. All good wishes.

Chris

[Neville]

it always amazes me how, that within any given four walls, & wherever they might be, the sum total of an individual's worldly goods, and almost their entire life may have been variously played out .. so very sad .. I felt this Chris.

Neville

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Neville. She had a collection of classical vinyl and that is it. Everything else spoke of frugality. No luxuries at all. I'm pleased she enjoyed her music. She has led a sad life. We have moved her to a residential home five minutes drive from us. She is 90 and has advanced dementia, but yesterday when we visited, she was happy, smiling and talking away to other residents. I hope her remaining days are happier than those she had in her flat. Many thank yous for checking this one out.

Chris

[softlyfall]

This is almost painfully poignant, Chris, written with tremendous empathy, understanding, and compassion. It really hit me. Partly because I am an eccentric who is extremely introverted and I could relate so well. In a way, that was validating. You must write wonderful short stories. Your character development is so good.

[Chris Shaw]

Dear Amy your review is so encouraging, thank you. Pleased you can relate. There are lots of people who choose to live like my aunt, and for all sorts of reasons. She wasn't a happy woman though and that was sad. Others are perfectly happy with their own company. I have never written short stories, now there's a thought :) All good wishes. Do you remember me from yahoo poetry (Cassie) and from time to time you connected with me and other poet friends on fb, which I don't use much now?

Chris

[softlyfall]

Yahoo poetry was my first experience with sharing my poetry with other people other than in school. It was really important to me. I'm glad you said something. I think you've grown more beautiful.
I don't have a very good linear sense of memory. It seems both like yesterday and like a lifetime ago. There was some extremely good poets there

[Chris Shaw]

Yahoo was important to me for the same reasons. First place I shared my poetry. I can remember being terrified the first few times I posted. Even now years later I am still apprehensive with each posting. Yahoo poetry has gone, voices net as well, but I am happy on WC. It is a second home to me. Pleased you found your way here and thank you for that lovely compliment :)

[Lorry]

The ghost like memories will always speak yo you Chris, perhaps having talk of all those questions unanswered in life.
Some of us like the safety of our own walls, while others yearn for company.
I'm more to her way of thinking than the social butterfly type, especially the older I get, where people can think what they want, but get a "no thanks" and a closed door if they are asked.
Different strokes for different folks I guess, but she does sound like my kinda gal 😊
Perhaps she just saw collecting things as collecting things that collect future dust. Or maybe she just liked rockin' around in a penguin onesie too! 😊

[Chris Shaw]

Do you know Lorry, I just pictured her in a onesie penguin outfit). Different strokes for different folks, you are so right. Yesterday I visited her. We have moved her into a residential home just down the road from us so she will be safe as she has advanced dementia. She was so happy to see us and she was in the sitting room with some other residents and seemingly enjoying the environment. You take care now over the border abd ta for the visit.

Chris

[Ken e Bujold]

This poem is a reminder of why I love poet's and poetry. In your aunt so much of us, the bargains we make with ourselves and the world, is on full display. "two Lufton lorry loads and history" "why she banked all her money without spending on simple day to day luxuries" "that sense of resilient duty for those she cared about most" "to retreat behind a closed door" such superbly crafted lines Chris, each one of them posing a slew of questions for the emotionally aware reader to consider, to reflect on our own choices in life, and what in the end will be our own legacies.
a 100/100 my friend.

[Chris Shaw]

Dear Ken, your review has lifted my spirits on what has been a dull day. My aunt is now living in a very nice residential home less than a mile from me. She has company and I do believe at the age of 90 and even with her state of dementia, she is happier than she has been for many years. She has led a sad life but I am pleased I have done my bit and moved her thirty miles to be closer to the only family she has left. Thank you so much for checking in.

Chris

[Ken e Bujold]

glad to have lent some sunshine Chris. the experience you write of is never an easy or pleasant one. I've been through it.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you for the sunshine and the understanding :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

we make our own dark doors...and often don't lead the richest lives as far as closeness with family....but some just outlast them all, including homes...
resilient woman...doing her duty in her life...even at the expense of her happiness.
I get this...for a lot of reasons.
I wish my mom had been happier, but sometimes childhood dreams shatter and adult dreams are never quite fully realized.
j.

[Chris Shaw]

Dear J, I think you are right. Childhood dreams shatter and adult ones aren't fully realized. I really believe that my aunt's separation from her parents during the war years had a huge impact on her life. With her dementia, she has forgotten much, but that separation she remembers like yesterday and talks about it often. These days it would be unthinkable to send your children away to live with strangers, yet it was the norm when London was being bombed. Yes she has always had great resilience and a strong sense of duty, but she has never been a happy woman. That is sad and also sad that your own mom could have been happier. Thank you my friend.

Chris