Miles Sans Smiles

(when you can't be where you want to be)

in thought flight

i wing westwards

where a cold cruel sea

tirelessly wears me down

in your winter's discontent

how lengthy it has been

how distant your warm smile

that broke ranks from your

much pined countenance

i watch as you breathe

gently into night's quiet

as a rose tinted light

glows softly from a lamp

as shadows are cast

in this far away room

my gloom dissipates

when i see you at rest

the rise and fall of your chest

your skin no longer etched

with unknown anxieties

causing torture

you are at peace

in sleep's embrace

a temporary release perhaps

no trace of fear to haunt

lid covered eyes

no cries as the familiar

turns into a stranger

i leave you with a brow kiss

and a heartfelt plea

don't miss me mum

as much as i miss you

Reviews

[W. Barrett Munn]

Chris, you have genuine talent. I know a problem I have (because I'm old and heard too much metric and/or rhyming in school) is being too literal. Your first two lines reminded me of my own difficulties. "in thought flight, i wing westwards"

From the poems I've read in literary journals, the thought you express often is put more like this: thought flying, on westward wing....cold cruel sea pounding tirelessly....I am broken...blah, blah, blah.

I'm not suggesting this for your poem, but wondering if you see in yourself the same kind of problem I find in my work?

There is literal and then there is suggestion - and then there is poetry. I don't know where I fall on that continuum but too close to literal, for sure.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you so much for your visit. To be honest, I go with the muse. If it comes out literal, then that's the way the cookie crumbles. Some of my stuff is truly poetic, some of it a mix of both. I guess it depends on my mood at the time and what I'm thinking about. I'm not seeking perfection or fame, I just write. Sometimes I make a consciousv effort to stay away from the first person, but if I've got something to say, it is difficult to stifle how it comes out. Thank you for stopping by with your thoughts. Your visit welcome and appreciated.

Chris

[Neville]

this is hauntingly well penned my friend .. and get this, I get this .. I know I have been there, beside my father that is .. just wishing, enough said :)

[Chris Shaw]

Many thanks Neville. No more thought flights, I know where she is. Your review tells me you understand and I thank you for it.

Chris

[Mike Keenan]

powerful stuff as usual, but the first one I read on dementia was much more powerful. I think you lose force with words like 'countenance,' 'heartfelt,' 'unknown,'tirelessly'.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Mike for the read and your suggestions for improvement of this piece. All good wishes.read moreThank you Mike for the read and your suggestions for improvement of this piece. All good wishes.

Chris

[Cherrie]

What a heartfelt vision. The compulsion to always be there when needed, and take anothers pain.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you dear Cherrie for stopping by and leaving your thoughts. So pleased you called.

read moreThank you dear Cherrie for stopping by and leaving your thoughts. So pleased you called.

Chris

[cheyenne s garcia]

fantastic work ! nice to meet you chris ! my name is cheyenne.

[Chris Shaw]

Good to meet you too Cheyenne. Many thanks.

Chris

[Lisasview]

Oh gosh, makes tears come to my eye..
Loved every word...
Lisa

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Lisa, Hope you are having a good weekend. Cold and miserable here. I wonder if you have sun,? So appreciate you stopping by.

Chris

[Lisasview]

Well, yesterday it was oh so cold and basically no sun.. We have solar panels and I can see on my phone exactly when the sun appears. Hope it shows up today so I can do laundry.

[jennifer little]

great poem i enjoyed reading it keep up the good work

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Jennifer. Pleased you checked in and left a review. I'll check more of yours out later.read moreThank you Jennifer. Pleased you checked in and left a review. I'll check more of yours out later.

Chris

[jennifer little]

your welcome and thank you ill read more of your work and leave a review as well

[light and ashes]

How incredibly sweet this is. I can feel the love that you have for your mother here. How lovely. I'm sure your mom is a kind and warm woman, and this is a beautiful and warm write for her.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you light and ashes. I really would like to see my mum more, but the distance gets in the way abd now she has forgotten how to use the phone as she declines further. Causes much sadness.

Chris

[light and ashes]

I'm sure.....I'm sorry to hear that.

[Re-Pete]

amazing write. torturous emotion laced throughout. i could feel the longing sadness. poetry at its finest ... :)

[Chris Shaw]

Aw, thanks Pete for your encouragement. I need it at the moment, mu muse has cleared off and I am giving some of my older poetry an airing. All good wishes.

Chris

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

Heartbreaking but still beating in my chest as I read this incredible moving write. Sad. The ending was so strong on realizing who you were writing about. Who can not relate to this in one way or another? But who can write such pain as well as you? I can’t. Tyfs Wonderfully explained and expressed.

[Chris Shaw]

Cyprian, a delight to have this review from you today. Thank you so much for your encouragement. All the best.

Chris