End Of The Line

black carriage awaits

horse drawn for final journey

a fine finale

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

the alliteration matches the sound of the hooves as they beat a song to the cemetery.
This reminds me of Dickinson...
"Because I could not stop for death, he kindly stopped for me, the carriage held but just ourselves and immortality...."
nicely done.
j.

[Chris Shaw]

I love that you think the alliteration matches the sound of hooves and a mention on the same page of Dickinson, is more than a compliment. Thank you Jacob. Really appreciate your continued support of my written efforts.

Chris

[...]

It's about leaving this world ? It have beautiful mood even it's sad. Maybe it's can also rain on roof of carriage and there will be storm sounds at far away distance. It's very short but it's touches my heart.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you, horse and carriage for a funeral. Quite something.This is a senryu 5/7/5 syllables. It was great you imagined the rain falling on the roof of the carriage, I heard the sound of it. Yes stormy weather all adds to the ambience. Thank you Poet for visiting this poem and adding your thoughts.

Chris

[Robert Trakofler]

struck my epitaph
and I have purchased my grave
and ghost in my words

Chris I liked this so much this was the only way I could respond

[Chris Shaw]

I love the way Bunny has responded. Brevity often has a greater impact. Really focuses the mind. When I saw this black carriage, I knew it was about to become a poem.

Chris

[Just Kim]

so amazing here, this is a wonderful haiku

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you for your encouragement. So gratifying Kymberleigh.

Chris

[likesgreeneggsandham]

I love the sensate sensibility of this poem. I am in awe of writers who can say so much with so little. Lovely.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you so much for your encouraging review. Your visit welcome and appreciated.

Chris

[Miss Sharon]

A beautiful Haiku my dear! Well stated and in perfect form. ~Sharon

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Sharon. Hope all is good with you. Keep safe and well.

Chris

[Weeping willow]

The final journey as it carries ones body to it resting place, setting one free to dance among the stars. Nice one.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Weeping willow for your visit and your thoughts.

Chris

[Fran Marie]

that carriage awaits
us all one day...

for most..a ride
we want to delay as
long as possible..

nicely done senryu

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Fran Marie, appreciate your visit.

Chris

[Samuel Dickens]

This brings several things to my mind. First, I thought of the news coverage of George Floyd's funeral and that fancy funeral wagon they carried him in. Also, I hear Peter, Paul and Mary's song, "One Kind Favor".

"There's one kind favor I'll ask of you
There's one kind favor I'll ask of you
Yeah, there's one kind favor I'll ask of you
See that m' grave is kept clean"

[Chris Shaw]

Dear Sam, thank you so much for your visit and sharing your thoughts. Hope you are keeping well.
read moreDear Sam, thank you so much for your visit and sharing your thoughts. Hope you are keeping well.

Chris

[Ted Kniffen]

Chris, you said you'd been writing more senyrus of late and if this is an example of your ability … I am jealous. You have captured the pathos of that last journey perfectly. One we will all take, but not one we will all appreciate.

It brings to mind the scene in A Christmas Carol when Scrooge encounters the black carriage in the hallway of his house.

A good write.
Take care … be safe. (the new mantra)

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Ted for your encouraging review. Loved A Christmas Carol, a favourite Dickens story. Never tire of it.

Chris

[Lorry]

You even somehow managed to add in the clip clop on cobbles, which is wuite good going, considering it took me more syllables than a haiku just to describe it.
A fine finale indeed Chris, old school proper, with everyone in the village at their door, bowing heads as it passes.
Much preferrable to the modern 15 minute grieving scheduled and then GET OUT!
I think your words deserve a little sigh at the end too.
Sigh....

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Lorry. I just thought, what a fine way to make your last journey. Going out in style. Way to go. I heard that sigh all the way down south. Hope you are doing OK.

Chris

[Lorry]

Yep. Yellow sky fireball still here, being all ironic as it comes out to play during lockdown, which is now seen as being over because the weathers nice.
There'll be a lot of I told you so's if the second wave hits, which no doubt it will and then we'll be be back in the dark ages again.
I feel another sigh coming on...
Sigh.

[Chris Shaw]

Yep, like all those idiots demonstrating at the moment with no social distancing. Watch that R figure spike in the next ten days. More deaths on the horizon :(

[Lorry]

They'll make pretty corpses with their nice, shiny tan.