The Colour of Silence

My Mother - Lost in Limbo, in a nursing home for the last four years.

Heat on frozen lips, maternal steam.

Pleasing like the taste of Columbian coffee,

or fingertips easing away

those hapless cares on a lousy day.

Bright as a hundred watt bulb,

light illuminating a blackened room.

She chases shadows.

Brushes aside gloom tucked into tight corners.

Lavender balm soothes and calms

at the end of a phone.

She embraces a sweeping view,

moods of a fickle sea,

she relates from cushioned comfort

while sipping breakfast tea.

Back arched in a carver chair,

five counties east, as the crow flies,

I hunger to hear her voice,

receiver pressed to my ear.

- 

There's a host of things I miss.

I can still plant a kiss when I visit,

yet it's the phone calls and the chats

and the fact that she can't converse

which hurts most.

But her eyes reflect her soul.

She is neither here nor there

and her empty stare speaks volumes.

Reviews

[Lydia Shutter]

Heartbreaking words, Chris. When you lose a loved one who is actually still breathing, it is more tragic than their death could ever be. I can picture her in bed sipping tea and thinking thoughts of yesteryear. My heart goes out to you. That empty stare is difficult to see, but who knows what is happening inside her heart? She is still your mother. Lydi***

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you dear Lydi**. I just hope she has some form of contentment in her world. That she has nice thoughts of our family that she can reflect on. It is difficult to understand what or how she feels in this half way house stage.

Chris

[andrew mitchell]

It’s quite cruel dementia for everyone involved, hopefully one day there will be something to take to stop the wood rot so to speak. Nicely written.

[Chris Shaw]

I sincerely hope that day comes soon Andrew. Thanks for checking in.

Chris

[olla]

you plucked my heart strings.. my Mom has been gone for a number of years now and I still miss her every day..

[Chris Shaw]

Dear Olla, thank you so much fot your review. Such a huge loss to lose your mom. At least I still have mine. Not as she was sadly, but still my mum.

Chris

[olla]

Yes.. I saw that you are dealing with a completely different kind of loss.. and I am so sorry for that.. I have not experienced it myself but had meny clients over the years who have.. and lost some loved ones as well.. just not a parent.. it's a whole heartbreak all of it's own.. cherish her as I see that you do.. maybe even a little for those of us who can't any more..

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you olla, and yes I will. She is still here and I am thankful for that :) Bless you.

[olla]

And you as well..

[.]

Silence has a colour, so true... Perhaps here a melancholic grey! The person who helped us to grow, when she is in such a condition, then it's heartbreaking. You can touch her, peck a kiss on her cheeks, yet her mind is far far away, on another place. I can imagine even meeting her frequently is no longer possible during this covid time.

It's a pensive write on a thing that most of our elderly people experience and the helplessness that embrace the other side who are forced to see this to their dear ones. I hope she is fine now

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you dear Sima. Situation much the same. She no longer answers her phone and visits are infrequent because of covid. Her mental state deteriorates further, but she still knows me and I am thankful for that. At a distance of two hundred miles, there is little I can do, but I do cry for her.

Chris

[.]

Pls, have a faith on time, at least she can recognize you... My heart goes out to you. Pls be strong.... ❤

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you dear one
🌹

[Fran Marie]

I can feel the pain within this poem
so terribly sad to see a love one in this
situation of life; especially when it's
your mom.. you express your deep
devotion in this emotional piece
so well done; Chris

[Chris Shaw]

Many thanks Fran Marie for your understanding. Your visit is appreciated.

Chris

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Aww this is the grim reality of many old people in dementia and old people houses. We here can't keep our oldies there as we are expected to care for them ourselves with the help of maids. The slim oldies stay active in the home and thus healthier longer but the plump ones get sick and frail faster.
You describe her state in a very appealing helpless way that shows how much you care about her and the physical and mental distance and absence is conveyed in moving awesome way. Kudos!!!

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you so much. my friend for your understanding response. Yes, it can be heart breaking and covid and restricted visiting makes it more so.

Chris

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

I totally understand. Take care dear sweet friend with a golden heart, blessings, 🌹🌷

[Patricia Wedel]

dearest Chris… aging is like The scent of Lavender… sweet and calming… will keep the Misquitos away… when we pray under a Magnolia tree… Amen… Pat

[Chris Shaw]

How lovely Pat. Thank you so much :)

[Patricia Wedel]

I had just read a lot about Lavender… and it seems to be a scent that would be calming for loved ones with dimentia. I have creams with Lavender that reminds me of my Mother. Gently, Pat

[Chris Shaw]

Hello dear Pat. Yes lavender is very calming. We buy soaps and handcreans for my mum with lavender in it. My grandson Robbie brought me a lavender spray. Spray a few drops on your pillow he told me and it will help you sleep Nan. It doesn't always make me sleep, but it definitely calms me down. That is a huge positive :)

[Patricia Wedel]

How Sweet Chris… grandchildren are a Blessing. Prayers for our Military abroad and the women and young girls in the Afghan environment. gently, Pat

[Patricia Wedel]

Chris… the Color of Silence reminds me also of the Afghan women who are now once again being forced to be Silent for the most part … when with our help they had progressed to educating theimselves and having more Freedom. I know that is another Poem… gently, Pat

[Chris Shaw]

You are right. The colour of silence could depict their lives too :(

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

The Afghan women can never be silenced, though some people have proved that the taliban are secretly non muslims, yet women will still get educated and will like before continue to dress in a way thaf doesn't please men.

[Patricia Wedel]

dear Poet… I appreciate that the Afghan women and girls will be in our prayers… such lovely women to be so intimidated. truly, Pat

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

The Afghan women are strong but might be intimidated by
non-muslim taliban terrorists like always. These non muslim terrorists terrorised them as much even when western soldiers were there so everything will be same, there were bombings of muslim women and children then , i.e before the western soldiers left and they would be likely to continue, so the presence and absence of foreign soldiers made absolutely no difference for afghan women.

[Patricia Wedel]

Thank you for the insight… I always think—
“There goes I myself”… but for Grace.. I see their faces and I see myself … Amen

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

I didn't get your comment dear. Are you comparing afghan women's faces to yourself? I think all women are beautiful.

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Plz do Watch at mins 3:23 to see how the western and their allies military presence had done nothing to help afghanis including education,  and people are still hoping for improvement of peace in the future.
https://youtu.be/KoAMZqhJ-dQ

And watch this dear which albeit doesn't tell the whole true story about how many talibans are non muslims but it hints at how the west created taliban

https://youtu.be/s9j1H330Nmo

[John the Baptist]

Having worked for 12 years in a chronic disease hospital, I can relate to this one. Dementia takes away the loved one we once knew. I tried to help family members deal with the situation, but there is little one can do to bring comfort to someone who for all practical purposes has lost a parent. The body is there and and functioning, but the mind is somewhere else.

[Chris Shaw]

You are so right John, there is little anyone can say or do. It is what it is and you have to learn to deal with it. One of life's harsh lessons. Thank you so much for commenting. You are appreciated.

Chris

[Sami Khalil]

The colour of silence, the turmoil of limbo and the weight of loss especially quality of life. I hope you get to be with you longer before the day of departure. Heart-breaking poem with so much sad emotions.

[Chris Shaw]

Dear Sami, thank you for your understanding review. Really appreciate you stopping by.

Chris

[Sami Khalil]

You are very welcome......

[Saoirse K.]

an homage to a loved one in an intermediary state
i can only imagine how difficult it would be to see a mother in this way
still physically there
but spiritually absent
the stark reminder of the person that was
in the one that still is
but is not themselves
an emotional piece
thank you for sharing it

[Chris Shaw]

Somehow, I didn't acknowledge your visit and your very thoughtful response Saoirise, from quite some time ago. Better late than never. Please accept my apologies and my thanks at the same time. All good wishes.

Chris

[Moonie]

I think I can relate to this heartbreaking and poignant write. My own grandma suffered through the same fate. Aside from my emotional motivation for liking this, the poem is brilliantly structured also. It captures the sadness in the most beautiful way possible. There are so many great expressions... "maternal steam" really makes me long for my grandma. I thank you for sharing this excellent piece!

[Chris Shaw]

Moon's fairest daughter (such a lovely name). Thank you for your review. So sorry about your Grandma. It hurts so much doesn't it? I'm pleased my maternal steam turned your thoughts to her.

Chris