Harbouring The Bones of History

Discovering more about family. Great Aunt Winnie died at 17, had led a sheltered and innocent life and yet ...

I meet her, eye to eye

for the first time.

Pallid, pure and coy at seventeen,

like a small bird with a broken wing

singing a sad song.

I've found Winnie.

Framed in black bleakness,

her Edwardian portrait,

delicate in monochrome,

features of fine fragility.

Suitcase hidden,

brown leather, grazed with the years,

belt secured, brass buckled history,

reeking of ancestral dust.

I know her fate,

an ending of sorrow.

Her tomorrows numbered,

encumbered by consumption.

In a bundle ribbon tied, 

letters from a bible thumping Minister.

Pious unforgiving,

summoned to save her teenage soul,

to make her whole

in the months before her demise.

Tears for the fears she must have endured.

Page after page of visits and prayers,

believing herself a sinner,

not winning favour with her Lord.

And yet on that final day,

it is said, she sat up in bed,

raised her arms above her head

and died reaching out to Heaven.

Reviews

[John the Baptist]

Made me think of one of my own paternal aunts who died young of TB (I wonder how many younger readers know consumption was the old name for it.) in a local asylum in the 1930's. The vivid picture you have painted makes us almost able to see Winnie. Yes, and the "comfort" of those old time guilt mongering preachers surely could not have made her final struggle any easier, despite the upbeat quality of the last verse. A really moving piece here.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you so much. When I read the letters about what that child had to endure, her fully knowing she was dying, it made me feel physically ill. Those were the hell fire and brimstone days. Pleased you could relate these lines to one of your own.

Chris

[Einstein Noodle]

oh my Christine! your poem moves me for your Great Aunt .. such a sad abrupt close to her earthly life... all the precepts of that age are documented .. the minister ... is especially poignant for Winnie :( the one that should have ushered her home with confidence, comfort and love failed her .. and such a sad testimony that most have met that same minister along our paths ... God forgive them eh!? your series of "portraits" and heritage have me hooked ma'am .. thanks so much for sharing these pieces of your family ... I took care of a late, middle aged man who was dying ... in those days they would have called it consumption ..his "faith" and his family insist that if truly Christian .. one has a "vision" given to them ... he had not had that experience ... his family and his own conflicted self refused to let him pass over... as a nurse part of our place during such situations is to help everyone, including the dying ..to "give permission" to die ...this was not the case that time ... we stood back for days and days as they all prayed for him to receive a vision to no avail ... i wanted so badly to say ... go ahead Joe (not his name) pass over ... the vision is just before you ;( ... anyway .. what a treat and privilege to share your poem
E.

[Chris Shaw]

Dear Mr E, thank you so much for sharing your own experience. The vision thing, came across strongly in the letters and Winnie was not seeing it. Being an honest and truthful girl, she did not lie. As you say the Minister should have helped her and brought her comfort, and he failed there. Different times, different standards, but oh it leaves me with a heavy heart. So pleased you are enjoying my poems on my ancestors. I do have some more that I may post in the future. Thank you so much for your thoughtful and interesting review.

Chris

[free will]

Ah yeah that had me from that start! Ta

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you free will for your visit. I appreciate your time.

Chris

[‘Thoughts In Time..]

Beautiful to have such a pure soul- the love she showed she knew where she was going - her belonging- some might find it strange but in seeking we come to know the truth itself will show- wonderful memories and story - may dhe rest in eternal peace🌹

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Kelly for your review.

Chris

[‘Thoughts In Time’🌹]

Pleasure🌹🌹🌹

[Gee]

I suppose in their eyes she got her just desserts. What a sad, sad, tale. You describe her beautifully, painting a picture of a fragile, perhaps timid young lady.
Religion, not for me. I will never feel the need to justify my being or go down on bende d knee to thank anyone for this life, standard of living, love, that I've worked my nuts off to achieve.
God....mum is mine, brought me into this world, nurtured me, instilled into me a great work ethic, decency and will to help others if it will make their day, life, a wee bit easier.
STOP WAFFLING MAN
Good morning Christine, hope you are well

[Chris Shaw]

Hello Gee. Those days were weird. The church was not at all forgiving, it was all about punishment. Little Winnie, like a sparrow, never been anywhere or done anything. Not even allowed to die in peace without the bible bashers no doubt terrifying her. After months of lectures they finally agreed she had been received by the Lord. What a comfort! I have no time at all for religion, it causes trouble. Many thanks for reviewing.

Chris

[andrew mitchell]

I read this with much sadness, you hear of those that live in fear of the Lord that they don't live at all. Particularly if there is no heaven to speak of. I say this because us Humans think we are the be all and deserve such places, if anything there should be a heaven for animals.

[Chris Shaw]

Thanks Andrew for the review. Fear in religion, that's how they lived their lives back then. A child dying in fear, how comforting is that?


Chris

[Norman 223]

Your poem reflects all my misgivings that steered me away from a strict background
of organised religious education in a Church School.
Victorian "morality" was full of this lack of charity. IIlness was a punishment for the "sins" of the parents, and physical punishment was the means of instilling this belief.
Unfortunately, the interpretation of the more cruel aspects of the bible encouraged this. True Christianity is conscience, not dogma, in my opinion, which has become an even stronger motivation, as I grow older.

Norman

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Norman, I couldn't agree more with what you have said. Views have certainly softened over the years, but I'm afraid I haven' t got much time for organised religion nowadays. I really appreciate your visit and thoughts.

Chris

[john l smith]

Don't know if I have mentioned previously but my aunt spent most of her life institutionalized
I don't think she suffered religious abuse but modern medicine would have created a much different existence.
A very sorry story

[Chris Shaw]

Thanks Dave. It really makes me feel fortunate when I reflect on the lives that our forebears had. When we get down in the dumps the best medicine would be to spend ten minutes reflecting on what has gone before. The early deaths were bad enough but the religious abuse just does my head in. This poem needed to be written, Winnie needs to be remembered. I appreciate your thoughts.

Chris

[jacob erin-cilberto]

and this has such a ring of truth and echoes the judgement others may make on someone...a bit leaning in the Scarlet Letter vein....everyone knowing exactly how she should live her life...those pompous asses who talk of being christian, but have not a christian bone in their bodies.
j.

[Chris Shaw]

I remember reading the Scarlet Letter, how right you are Jacob. Same sort of judgement metered out. I have to agree with you and say that there are and were many who call themselves Christian who do not act as Jesus Christ did. He was full of compassion. There was none shown to my great aunt, a dying child. Thank you.

Chris

[Lorry]

Beautifully written remembrance Chris. If only medicine then is what it is now, so many taken that could now be saved. And at such a young age. Reminds me of how my mum had to spend two and a half years in an English hospital, away from family at such a young age. She turned 21 when there and got a patchwork quilt from all the patients and staff making one each. She obviously suffered but loved her time yhere and kept in touch with them.
We are very lucky to live in the days of modern medicine, despite what the govornments are up to. I just hope the nhs is here for future generations too.

[Chris Shaw]

Hello Lorry. Yes, antibiotics have made an incredible difference. So many lost their lives back then to diseases which are easily controlled nowadays. Thank you for sharing your Mum's story. That was a long time for her to be in hospital at such a young age, and away from all her family. We are so lucky to have the NHS and I think people's expectations of that service can be sky high at times. There were many Winnie's, I just hope the rest of them escaped the judgement she received in her final months. This poem as a result of doing some sorting out for my Mum. Ta Lorry, have a good weekend.

Chris